Renovations and Repayments.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

From what I can tell there wasn't an argument. Apparently, my son was running around their house "uncontrollably".

Think I've done all I can, to be honest.

I think you've handled it well Alex. I think what SHS meant by losing the argument was that your father couldn't/wouldn't manage the situation by reasoning/explaining/setting boundaries and instead he resorted to taking advantage of the inequality of age, size and position by smacking or whatever. I'm sure it wasn't conscious just a lack of control and 'because he could'.I do understand that children's behaviour was managed differently in the past but I'm sure your father isn't so ancient and ignorant that he's not aware that things have changed.

AlexLK wrote: »

Thanks, OOC.

Party went really well as I've already mentioned. Everyone seemed to really enjoy it and the weather was on our side. Only downside was lots of set up and tidy up. In typical fashion son went to cousin's for that part and did his horse riding. :rotfl:
I have to admit, I'm a little sad he is growing up and at school because I miss him when he's there. I actually quite want us to have another at the moment.

When my DD was little we found it easier to rent a hall or similar then there was plenty of space for games, sometimes hired a magician or other entertainer too and all that was needed was a quick sweep afterwards.


The 'broodiness' has come across strongly from you in recent weeks. It may be sexist to say it but I've never come across it in a dad before but often with mums. Many women see it as their raison d'etre to bring up children and when one gets a bit more independent they just have another. I think you just need to focus on all the new things he's learning at each stage. Surely you don't want to go back to the nappy stage and sleepless nights again!:eek:


Hope you enjoy today, whatever you choose to do:).

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Sounds fab, you handled that well. Not sure I would have been so calm about it all.

Also sounds like littleLK is really happy. Nice to see he's making friends and having relationships with kids his own age. What a little star

Can't say I'm pleased with father and quite glad to have a day away from them. Will speak to them tomorrow and see if something can be worked out; I'd like my parents to continue to have a good relationship with their grandson.

He's doing well, we're both pleased.

maman wrote: »

I think you've handled it well Alex. I think what SHS meant by losing the argument was that your father couldn't/wouldn't manage the situation by reasoning/explaining/setting boundaries and instead he resorted to taking advantage of the inequality of age, size and position by smacking or whatever. I'm sure it wasn't conscious just a lack of control and 'because he could'.I do understand that children's behaviour was managed differently in the past but I'm sure your father isn't so ancient and ignorant that he's not aware that things have changed.

Thanks, maman. My father has always had lapses in control, he does something in anger and later regrets it. He's not really been himself for the past few weeks, seems to be struggling with the realities of getting older and I wonder if he's not really up to looking after son anymore. However, that doesn't excuse him in my opinion.

maman wrote: »

When my DD was little we found it easier to rent a hall or similar then there was plenty of space for games, sometimes hired a magician or other entertainer too and all that was needed was a quick sweep afterwards.

We don't want to rent a hall and have all the added expense of hiring entertainment. Our parties work out rather cheap and are (I hope) fun for both children and adults. Admittedly, tidying up isn't fun, though.

maman wrote: »

The 'broodiness' has come across strongly from you in recent weeks. It may be sexist to say it but I've never come across it in a dad before but often with mums. Many women see it as their raison d'etre to bring up children and when one gets a bit more independent they just have another. I think you just need to focus on all the new things he's learning at each stage. Surely you don't want to go back to the nappy stage and sleepless nights again!:eek:

:rotfl: I'm not really serious and the first year was utter hell. Mrs K was indifferent in the first place, it was me that wanted one. She's already said if I want another I'll have to find a mistress first, so another really isn't on the cards because [STRIKE]no one else would put up with me[/STRIKE], erm, I'm a good boy.

I suppose I miss the past year or two and seem to have become a bit redundant since school started as we can't do so much. He still does music with me but all the rest of the curriculum we have so little time to study so I'm not prepping 20 hours or so of material to cover with him per week. Enjoyed every minute teaching him new things and I miss that terribly.

maman wrote: »

Hope you enjoy today, whatever you choose to do:).

Today has been a full day's work on the house. Did go out for lunch, though.

AlexLK

Savings update: Managed to put £70 into the savings this week. I'm really not doing too well at the moment, despite having some things for sale that should eventually contribute towards the savings. However, no one is buying. Not really sure how this will be next year and if we'll manage to get the work done to the house or not now.

Really not quite sure what we're doing 'wrong' (plenty on here earning less and doing better) but in terms of our monthly income, we still spend all of that every month without fail.

newgirly

Hi Alex glad the party went well

If you are brave enough you could always do a soa on here and let people give advice/ tell you off for overspending :rotfl: I am sure you have done these before though if you are a successful dfw'er.

heartbreak_star

Hi Alex!

Just catching up - oh my goodness what a rollercoaster few days!

Sorry to hear about your parents and Little K though. I can't believe they disregarded your wishes so badly, and do they really expect a kid of that age to sit still for hours on end? They DO tear around the place like dervishes, I don't have any of my own but my tiny dance team seem to have boundless energy. Lots of love to you all.

A spending notebook might be the way to go re: finances. It helped me keep track of where the odd five or ten quid was going

HBS x

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

Hi Alex glad the party went well

If you are brave enough you could always do a soa on here and let people give advice/ tell you off for overspending :rotfl: I am sure you have done these before though if you are a successful dfw'er.

Thanks.

Yes, I've done one before but know it wasn't accurate. I lied about the amount of petrol we use, as for anything other than mortgage, council tax and things like insurances I really haven't a clue what we spend every month. Yes, yes, I know that's half the problem.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Hi Alex!

Just catching up - oh my goodness what a rollercoaster few days!

Sorry to hear about your parents and Little K though. I can't believe they disregarded your wishes so badly, and do they really expect a kid of that age to sit still for hours on end? They DO tear around the place like dervishes, I don't have any of my own but my tiny dance team seem to have boundless energy. Lots of love to you all.

A spending notebook might be the way to go re: finances. It helped me keep track of where the odd five or ten quid was going

HBS x

Yes, it's been a strange few days. Today I've listened to my father talk about the past for 4 hours straight after about 30 minutes of working out what's happening after the fiasco last week. :mad: Don't have anything better to do, of course ...

My son is fairly quiet for a 5 year old (can't quite believe I'm writing 5!!! Where have the years gone?) but he has his moments and I agree with you, they have a lot of energy.

:rotfl: On the spending notebook - think the last one was kept current for about a week, if that.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Really not quite sure what we're doing 'wrong' (plenty on here earning less and doing better) but in terms of our monthly income, we still spend all of that every month without fail.

If you had an extra £200 a month would you spend that as well? I expect so - in which case, you could probably live on £200 a month less. Save FIRST then spend what's left - it really is as easy as that, it worked a treat for me .

hiddenshadow

gallygirl wrote: »

If you had an extra £200 a month would you spend that as well? I expect so - in which case, you could probably live on £200 a month less. Save FIRST then spend what's left - it really is as easy as that, it worked a treat for me .

I also carry this to any unexpected savings - if I've budgeted £50 for a weekly shop but get it done for £42, I send the extra £8 to savings/OP immediately, rather than leaving it in the following week's spend and "letting" myself spend £58.

If the money is "gone" (either actually via OP to mortgage or virtually in savings) you have to be creative about your spending - otherwise you can be slack/lazy (or I can, anyway, I specialise in lazy ).

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Thanks.

Yes, I've done one before but know it wasn't accurate. I lied about the amount of petrol we use, as for anything other than mortgage, council tax and things like insurances I really haven't a clue what we spend every month. Yes, yes, I know that's half the problem.



:rotfl: On the spending notebook - think the last one was kept current for about a week, if that.

Yes, it's been a strange few days. Today I've listened to my father talk about the past for 4 hours straight after about 30 minutes of working out what's happening after the fiasco last week. :mad: Don't have anything better to do, of course ...

I'm sure you'd feel better about saving more money as it would be another area where the new Alex would be taking control. The answer has to be in the 'not having a clue what we spend every month'. If you're confident that you're getting best value for your utilities and other essentials then the way forward has to be what you're spending on food and incidentals. Not sure about petrol. Is it because your cars aren't fuel efficient or that you just drive around when you don't need to? Maybe now you and MrsK are on a better footing you could work on this together. Why not try the spending diary again?


Personally I'm in the fortunate position where I don't need to save money but that doesn't mean I want to fritter it away with nothing to show for it.I resent being ripped off with ridiculous prices charged in some shops or being caught out buying bits and pieces in expensive convenience stores just because I'm disorganised. So I treat getting the best value as a challenge and then the money I don't use can be spent on things of my choosing.

You are a kind son but was 4 hours really essential? That's draining for you and unnecessary. Could it be that because you have a gap in your own routine because LittleK has gone to school you're just drifting with the time gained. Just think of the progress you could have made in the bathroom in that time. I really think a coffee and a chat for no more than an hour is enough and then you leave saying 'I have to get on'.

Debsnewbudget

Hi Alex
Spending diary can be done with your favourite fountain pen, a new ink colour, a piece of paper and 5 minutes every night :rotfl:
I think both you and Mrs K might be on board this time to just mark down how much you are spending with no pressure on her to stop her lunches or coffees.
Just a fact finding mission for you both over a few weeks and then you know where the money has gone, or is going.
It might lead to a further discussion about what you can best do with your money at a later date, but again, no pressure.
Knowledge is power, and helps decision making over things like if we cut back on ....... Then we can get the dream bathroom so much sooner
Good luck