Renovations and Repayments.

newgirly

If I'm were you Alex try and reach a compromise with your wife or let her have her own way, it's been a stressful year for both of you and this is something she has been wanting a long time, I understand your reluctance to borrow but if it's short term and 0% it may be well worth it.

gallygirl

As the great Saint Martin :money:says, not all debt is bad debt. Borrowing a pre-agreed amount on a 0% credit card, with a definite plan to pay it off, is very different to overspending on high interest cards and not even opening the bills, let alone paying them off. You've come a long way, trust yourself.

As NG says, you've had a stressful year and a holiday will do you the world of good, as will having a new bathroom . Get it planned and booked and start getting the Triumph ready to sell. Then get it done with a nice holiday to reward you and Mrs LK for all your hard work :beer:.

Now you are feeling much more motivated and positive (which is great :T), time to take a good look about you. Your lifestyle is about to undergo a major change and you won't have as much spare time as before. If you're worried about the debt why not get some stuff sorted to sell to pay for it? Do you actually have an inventory of furniture etc. that is surplus to requirements, plus a reasonable estimate of what it is worth? If not, why not? You could make a start cataloging stuff (using your newfound excel skills ) and sell items to help pay for the bathroom. Personally, I'd start with the largest items, not the most valuable, as clearing 'space' will help clear your mind. (Don't say that's all woo-woo as you've seen how mediation works, you ageing hippy :rotfl:).

maman

I agree with gallygirl.

Planning the bathroom and a holiday will give you and MrsK a project to work together on and something to look forward to. Similarly planning to sell off some of the 'stuff' you've accumulated will be cathartic, clear some space and help allay your fears about how much goes on the 0% card.


Hopefully what you've learned from using mse is to spend wisely and responsibly not just to stop spending.


As for September. I'm sure you'll cope fine with the studying although it will be studying and writing after a long day at school which is different from full time study. What I think you might also find a challenge is the prescriptiveness of the curriculum and that you have to do what you can with a class of 30 and the resources you have which is very different from the independent sector or home schooling. I remember how critical you were of LittleK's class teacher and the discussions you had with the Head a couple of years ago.

AlexLK

March Targets:

OSPREYS - CHECK.
Total Grocery Spend: £305/>£450. Also, NSD today again.
Surplus Money: £750/£750.
Going to bed at a reasonable time: 24/31. Not going to happen tonight.
Meditation: 25/31.
One new recipe per week: 4/4.
Read three books: 1/3. That went well ...
3 Things for Thursday: Will try again ... 1. Three things to smile about, 2. Be on time for things, 3. Do the meditations.

Well, went to counselling this evening and my wife decided to bring up my "problem" with us potentially getting ourselves into even more debt. I've had a rubbish day in general. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

newgirly wrote: »

If I'm were you Alex try and reach a compromise with your wife or let her have her own way, it's been a stressful year for both of you and this is something she has been wanting a long time, I understand your reluctance to borrow but if it's short term and 0% it may be well worth it.

I can't see how getting into debt can be "worth it" for the sake of a few months when we have lived with the bathroom as it is for a decade.

gallygirl wrote: »

As the great Saint Martin :money:says, not all debt is bad debt. Borrowing a pre-agreed amount on a 0% credit card, with a definite plan to pay it off, is very different to overspending on high interest cards and not even opening the bills, let alone paying them off. You've come a long way, trust yourself.

As NG says, you've had a stressful year and a will do you the world of good, as will having a new bathroom . Get it planned and booked and start getting the Triumph ready to sell. Then get it done with a nice to reward you and Mrs LK for all your hard work :beer:.

Now you are feeling much more motivated and positive (which is great :T), time to take a good look about you. Your lifestyle is about to undergo a major change and you won't have as much spare time as before. If you're worried about the debt why not get some stuff sorted to sell to pay for it? Do you actually have an inventory of furniture etc. that is surplus to requirements, plus a reasonable estimate of what it is worth? If not, why not? You could make a start cataloging stuff (using your newfound excel skills ) and sell items to help pay for the bathroom. Personally, I'd start with the largest items, not the most valuable, as clearing 'space' will help clear your mind. (Don't say that's all woo-woo as you've seen how mediation works, you ageing hippy :rotfl:).

I understand it is different and can see the benefits of taking advantage of 0% deals. I just don't want to owe money, interest free or not.

I'd love to go to France this year. I've been teaching my son French since before Christmas as I was planning to go just with my son if things hadn't worked out with my wife. However, my plan was to sell the Triumph (it's overstayed its welcome and I've no desire to replace it) and spend a few weeks away over summer. That did not take the bathroom project into account.

Do need and want to do something about the clutter. If I were really committed we could probably pay for the bathroom project in selling things we don't really want / need anymore. No inventory as yet ... no clue of what we have, to be honest. As for the excel skills, not sure reading a few pages of a for dummies guide makes it a "skill" yet. :rotfl:

Clearing some space would be good, I think. Woo-woo, as I still believe meditation is but it seems sometimes woo-woo can work if you allow yourself to give in to it.

maman wrote: »

I agree with gallygirl.

Planning the bathroom and a will give you and MrsK a project to work together on and something to look forward to. Similarly planning to sell off some of the 'stuff' you've accumulated will be cathartic, clear some space and help allay your fears about how much goes on the 0% card.

Hopefully what you've learned from using mse is to spend wisely and responsibly not just to stop spending.

As for September. I'm sure you'll cope fine with the studying although it will be studying and writing after a long day at school which is different from full time study. What I think you might also find a challenge is the prescriptiveness of the curriculum and that you have to do what you can with a class of 30 and the resources you have which is very different from the independent sector or home schooling. I remember how critical you were of LittleK's class teacher and the s you had with the Head a couple of years ago.

Not sure having a project to work together on is a good idea after tonight. We've fell out over her trying to pressurise me into making a decision.

I've learnt that beyond necessary spending on essentials, only try to spend on appreciating assets. That way when the boredom inevitably creeps in, the item can be sold and a profit enjoyed.

We shall see re. the teaching. I've an open mind about it at the moment. Can't say I think the class teacher at my son's school does a good job now. My son has settled well and I don't want to take that away from him by rocking the boat. However, he has a lot of support from me, 1-2 hours per evening and around 6-8 hours over the weekend, so I don't think he is going to suffer academically for being at that school. It seems you've little faith in my ability to teach but anyone I've entered for a music exam has passed (practical and theory), my son is doing well, I've managed to engage with children others haven't, helped pupils to make progress through volunteering and have good reports about my ability to teach and engage pupils from the schools I've spent my own time volunteering in. Whilst I may not be paid to work in the schools (other than by parents wishing to have formal music lessons), I have put a lot of effort in to help pupils to progress academically.

newgirly

I can't see how getting into debt can be "worth it" for the sake of a few months when we have lived with the bathroom as it is for a decade.


Not sure having a project to work together on is a good idea after tonight. We've fell out over her trying to pressurise me into making a decision.


I meant "worth it" from a marital harmony point of view Alex (which is always an excellent reason )

Suffolk_lass

Alex, If you were going to sell the Triumph anyway, why not sell it now and put the money towards the bathroom while continuing to save as though it were for the bathroom, in order to have the money for the planned French trip? Just flex the pots the money is going to and you can accelerate the bathroom project and still go to France. With the sudden warming up of our Spring it is the perfect time to sell collectable cars. And the added benefit of compromising with your wife's desire to complete the project. It also means you will be around to keep an eye on the bathroom contractors ahead of your teaching course starting (when it could all feel rather pressurised while things settle down)

maman

Sorry Alex, didn't mean my comment to come across as criticism of your teaching skills. My worry was just that you hold such store and have had such success from taking individuals forward that I wanted to highlight the difference between that and the accountability for the progress of a class of perhaps 30+ against the backdrop of a prescriptive curriculum.


You've also hinted that 'if you were really committed' you could have a new bathroom and a holiday. It seems your differing views on what to do to the bathroom may be at the root of this but I agree it was a bit naughty of MrsK to seemingly try to use the counsellor to bounce you into it. But in your own post you've demonstrated that there is a solution. It's a mixture of selling the unwanted car, some 'stuff' and continuing to spend only on essentials. You've also proved that you can bring the cost of essentials down if you're careful. It seems you're ending March with money left in your food budget. Are you still cooking for the parents?


Hope the sun is shining on you as it is here. Do you have plans for the Easter holiday?

AlexLK

March Targets:

OSPREYS - CHECK.
PLAN EASTER HOLIDAY Thanks, maman.
Total Grocery Spend: £315/>£450.
Surplus Money: £750/£750.
Going to bed at a reasonable time: 24/31.
Meditation: 25/31.
One new recipe per week: 4/4.
Read three books: 1/3. That went well ...
3 Things for Friday: Will try again ... 1. Three things to smile about, 2. Be as positive as I can, 3. Do the meditations.

Thursday has been a disaster. Had an awful night's sleep: went to bed later than I should, didn't do the meditation, fell to sleep OK though but kept waking and having awful dreams. I have at least done some productive things today but my general mood has been very low. Spoke to my parents about our dilemma today. They can see both our points of view but were concerned the idea of borrowing money may negatively impact on my health, whereas living with an old bathroom won't affect either my wife or I.

My parents' dog is very fussy and will constantly be around my parents' feet. Today father almost had a nasty fall in the kitchen because he almost tripped over their dog when feeding her. :eek: He was very shaken and I do struggle with how he seems to be now. I came home thinking about being that age and if my wife and son will care enough to look after me.

newgirly wrote: »

I meant "worth it" from a marital harmony point of view Alex (which is always an excellent reason )

If I wasn't concerned about the idea of owing money, I wouldn't hesitate as I want the project done also. However, I am concerned and hardly think me being worried about the debt and it potentially affecting my health is harmonious.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

Alex, If you were going to sell the Triumph anyway, why not sell it now and put the money towards the bathroom while continuing to save as though it were for the bathroom, in order to have the money for the planned French trip? Just flex the pots the money is going to and you can accelerate the bathroom project and still go to France. With the sudden warming up of our Spring it is the perfect time to sell collectable cars. And the added benefit of compromising with your wife's desire to complete the project. It also means you will be around to keep an eye on the bathroom contractors ahead of your teaching course starting (when it could all feel rather pressurised while things settle down)

I plan to have the Triumph up for sale within the next month.

I don't see how we can afford to do the bathroom project and go to France incurring no debt before September, though. Unless we sell other things.

maman wrote: »

Sorry Alex, didn't mean my comment to come across as criticism of your teaching skills. My worry was just that you hold such store and have had such success from taking individuals forward that I wanted to highlight the difference between that and the accountability for the progress of a class of perhaps 30+ against the backdrop of a prescriptive curriculum.

You've also hinted that 'if you were really committed' you could have a new bathroom and a . It seems your differing views on what to do to the bathroom may be at the root of this but I agree it was a bit naughty of MrsK to seemingly try to use the counsellor to bounce you into it. But in your own post you've demonstrated that there is a solution. It's a mixture of selling the unwanted car, some 'stuff' and continuing to spend only on essentials. You've also proved that you can bring the cost of essentials down if you're careful. It seems you're ending March with money left in your food budget. Are you still cooking for the parents?

Hope the sun is shining on you as it is here. Do you have plans for the Easter ?

I'm quite relaxed about the teaching course, it is what it is. If it's not for me, I won't be disappointed as I'm sure I'll learn lots from the experience and if I prefer the academic side, I can continue with that. Just as if I prefer the teaching practice side I will continue down that path. If I don't like any of it, I will have tried something I wanted to try and will move on. I'm happy to be "wrong" if it means having an experience I wanted to try and would likely regret if I never tried it for myself. This does not mean to say it is not important to me, just that I'm not going to make myself ill over the possibility of it not being for me. I do not take the responsibility of potentially delivering an education to c.30 children lightly. If by this "prescriptive curriculum" you mean adhering to the National Curriculum, I'm happy to do that. The vast majority of the work I do with my son is based on the National Curriculum as it gives me a base from which to work on things for him from. Perhaps I am interpreting it in the wrong way (will find out in September) but I've found there are lots of ways of incorporating what should be learnt (from the NC) into lessons. I've found it just takes some imagination and creativity. I really enjoy the challenge of preparing interesting lessons that will help pupils progress.

Through my volunteer school, I take a class of c.20 children per week for a music class outside the realm of what is taught in their general music lesson. Each personality within the group is different, as are their strengths and weaknesses. It is very different to teaching someone individually but I greatly enjoy the challenge of preparing meaningful lessons that each member of the group will take something from. I think I have a fairly good idea of what I'm letting myself in for, more so than someone with 10 days observing and no other experience, anyhow.

We have made some decisions with regard to the design of the bathroom. However, I don't want to start the project when we do not have the money to complete it. Selling "stuff" would likely pay for it but my motivation for de-cluttering has been very low, so I don't want to risk that. Nor do I want to risk going on holiday but not being able to afford what we want to do there. I'm trying to be sensible about this. Yes, it's probably a first and I'd have thought people on MSE would understand but it appears not.

Really pleased with the food budget this month. We've ate quite simple meals but still all home cooked from scratch and we've enjoyed it. Mother is starting to cook again and I've written down some recipes for her that they particularly enjoyed when my son and I were there. Given father some baking recipes as he wants to have a go at some bread recipes and also cakes. Personally, I think he needs to cut back on the cakes a bit and him knowing the cakes are not a drive away probably isn't a good idea.

Weather has been pleasant. I like spring time.

As for the Easter holidays, you've reminded me it is a week away. :eek: My wife isn't at work for the second week and as there's the bank holiday, she effectively has 10 days off (inc. weekends) for 4 days holiday leave from work.

LadyGnome

Hi Alex
I was catching up a bit as I have been busy in work. I do understand where you are coming from in relation to the bathroom. I do find having debt a bit stressful. We put our kitchen on interest free credit and stuck the money for it into saving accounts but I was a bit paranoid about missing the due date for repayment. It does make me feel insecure. I much prefer to save up for things. However, sometimes a small amount of debt to allow you to do something sooner can be acceptable

So is there anywhere on the continuum of no debt and borrowing £8000 for the bathroom that you would feel comfortable. If the answer is no debt is the only thing you can cope with then that's fine, I can understand why you are wary of putting yourself under too much pressure. On the other hand you might be comfortable borrowing £1000 to pay for the holiday on a 0% CC and then save up for the bathroom. Only you know what you feel you can cope with.
I do think you should look at all options and be clear in your own mind what you can and can't live with and explain to your wife why.

AlexLK

March Totals: :eek:

OSPREYS - CHECK.
PLAN EASTER HOLIDAY
Total Grocery Spend: £315/>£450.:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:T:T:beer:
Surplus Money: £850/£750. Extra £100 from grocery spend being under. :money:
Going to bed at a reasonable time: 24/31. Calling that a win.
Meditation: 26/31. Also calling this a win.
One new recipe per week: 4/4. :T This is an easy target but I enjoy it. Had the goulash tonight, maman and really enjoyed it.
Read three books: 1/3. That went well ...
3 Things for Friday: Will try again ... 1. Three things to smile about, 1. A drive with my son followed by a nice dog walk after school, 2. Spring has arrived! 3. Met wife for lunch (becoming a regular Friday occurrence). 2. Be as positive as I can, Achieved. 3. Do the meditations Done the one minute one a couple of times today.

Not had a bad day today and pleased with my March targets. Can't believe another month has gone, though. Very tired now so will be going to bed as soon as I've written this.

April Targets:

OSPREYS - CHECK.
PLAN EASTER HOLIDAY This is getting somewhat urgent.
Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.
Total Grocery Spend: / £400.
Surplus Money: / £800.
Bed before 11.30pm: / 31.
Meditation: / 31.
De-clutter and sell / 5 items.
New Recipes: / 4.
Books (to read for pleasure): / 3.
3 Things ...

LadyGnome wrote: »

Hi Alex
I was catching up a bit as I have been busy in work. I do understand where you are coming from in relation to the bathroom. I do find having debt a bit stressful. We put our kitchen on interest free credit and stuck the money for it into saving accounts but I was a bit paranoid about missing the due date for repayment. It does make me feel insecure. I much prefer to save up for things. However, sometimes a small amount of debt to allow you to do something sooner can be acceptable

So is there anywhere on the continuum of no debt and borrowing £8000 for the bathroom that you would feel comfortable. If the answer is no debt is the only thing you can cope with then that's fine, I can understand why you are wary of putting yourself under too much pressure. On the other hand you might be comfortable borrowing £1000 to pay for the holiday on a 0% CC and then save up for the bathroom. Only you know what you feel you can cope with.
I do think you should look at all options and be clear in your own mind what you can and can't live with and explain to your wife why.

Thanks, LG.

Your post has given me something to think about. At the moment, I don't know if I could cope with having debt or not. The thought of it makes me panic and reminds me of my past problems. That makes me think it's not a good idea for us and I start to worry that it will all get out of control again. My wife thinks this is completely irrational.