Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

Thanks both. Sorry this is going to be a terrible response, I'm rather tired after a busy day shopping for school shoes / winter coat for my son. Did end up spending a bit too much as my wife and I bought a few things ourselves. Also had a pub dinner, yet again... almost considering dinner at my parents' to be a good idea just to eliminate yet another meal out. Finances are really taking a battering this week.

My son is reluctant to spend a day with his grandparents and my wife isn't exactly thrilled by the idea. Father came to the house on his own this evening very upset, asking the same questions and saying he wants things to return to how they were. I have received an apology at long last. He seemed so old tonight and he told me he's terrified what the future will bring. At times like these I think I'd rather he go back to his usual nasty self, to be honest.

newgirly

I am glad he has apologised finally Alex, although it's taken long enough!

Maybe your dad has reached a turning point and realised that they do need you more than you need them and therefore they need to treat you all with respect. Have you ever been able to get your point across to your parents and have them listen?

Would writing a letter be any use? kind of laying out the minimum requirements when it comes to your family and how they are to be treated if they're is ever to be healthy future relationships for you all.

You are are caring son who still wants to do what is expected and visit your parents but THEY have made that untenable due to their treatment of you and your son. You are not being spiteful by with holding contact, you are protecting your son from the damage that this type of behaviour can cause, you know as you have been through it yourself.

I think other parent would do the same thing in your situation.

If they really want to maintain a relationship with you all it could still be possible , but on your terms this time. Perhaps this stand off had to happen and maybe it will facilitate a new way to move forwards without them being in control and draining you mentally.

I hope for everyones sake that the apology was genuine and not a means to an end for your father, as they don't seem to realise the very lucky position they are in having a caring son and his family nearby in their old age.

Your rights as a parent vanish as your children grow up and change from one of total control when they are tiny to eventually (and hopefully!) a mutual friendship and respect when you are an adult. It seems like your parents didn't fully make that transition and still see you in a childlike way.

Anyway apologies for waffling on this morning I hope you manage to come to a conclusion that you and your family can all be happy with and also well done for all you have achieved lately , de cluttering, overpaying and being a brilliant dad and making summer so much fun for little k :T

maman

Shopping for school shoes, I remember it well!:eek:


I, too, am pleased that your father has apologised but would reiterate what I said yesterday: I really don't think things should go back to how they were. I'm also not surprised that LittleK isn't keen on spending a day there so a shorter visit (with a meal if you must:p) is probably as much as you can ask of him.


I think part of the problem is that your parents have too much time to dwell on the fact that you aren't there constantly at their beck and call. It's not your fault that they've lived a lifestyle where they haven't made friends or taken up any interests and expect you to fill that gap. You're an adult now and a father and husband and you enjoy that role and that's where I believe your priorities should lie.

AlexLK

Well, it's September...

August spending was obscene and I know all good things must come to an end. Today hasn't been great at all, my son was very ill in the night and into this morning. Can't say I've felt too well either. Done very little today; the majority of the day has been spent in bed with the computer listening to music and watching documentaries about coral reefs on youtube. :rotfl: Still didn't manage a NSD...

Going to have a much less extravagant month and no eating out. Not a chance we'll go to the place we went last night ever again. Hoping tomorrow is better as we've only got tomorrow and the weekend until my wife is back to work. Son is back to school on Tuesday. To be honest, I'm incredibly sad summer is over for another year.

tootallulah

Hi Alex, sad summer is over because it has been so good is a fantastic feeling. Autumn's good too, leaves, mushrooms, bonfires etc. Plan a splendid half term. It is great to have special things for every season.

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

I am glad he has apologised finally Alex, although it's taken long enough!

Maybe your dad has reached a turning point and realised that they do need you more than you need them and therefore they need to treat you all with respect. Have you ever been able to get your point across to your parents and have them listen?

Would writing a letter be any use? kind of laying out the minimum requirements when it comes to your family and how they are to be treated if they're is ever to be healthy future relationships for you all.

You are are caring son who still wants to do what is expected and visit your parents but THEY have made that untenable due to their treatment of you and your son. You are not being spiteful by with holding contact, you are protecting your son from the damage that this type of behaviour can cause, you know as you have been through it yourself.

I think other parent would do the same thing in your situation.

If they really want to maintain a relationship with you all it could still be possible , but on your terms this time. Perhaps this stand off had to happen and maybe it will facilitate a new way to move forwards without them being in control and draining you mentally.

I hope for everyones sake that the apology was genuine and not a means to an end for your father, as they don't seem to realise the very lucky position they are in having a caring son and his family nearby in their old age.

Your rights as a parent vanish as your children grow up and change from one of total control when they are tiny to eventually (and hopefully!) a mutual friendship and respect when you are an adult. It seems like your parents didn't fully make that transition and still see you in a childlike way.

Anyway apologies for waffling on this morning I hope you manage to come to a conclusion that you and your family can all be happy with and also well done for all you have achieved lately , de cluttering, overpaying and being a brilliant dad and making summer so much fun for little k :T

:rotfl: Not a chance my parents will actually listen to my point of view.

I don't really know what the right way forward is with my parents but we are going there on Sunday for lunch.

I don't think my father's apology was insincere but it's not the first time he's apologised and turned things around before everything slides back into how it was. I suppose this sounds terrible but I don't really trust that he can change his attitude and it's awful seeing him in a vulnerable position. After yesterday I am more concerned about his health. Whilst he didn't directly tell me there was any problem, I'm concerned about him.

Yes, they treat me like I'm still my son's age most of the time. Not a chance of gaining their respect, I don't think.

Thanks re. summer. You've reminded me I need to carry on with the declutter for September.

maman wrote: »

Shopping for school shoes, I remember it well!:eek:


I, too, am pleased that your father has apologised but would reiterate what I said yesterday: I really don't think things should go back to how they were. I'm also not surprised that LittleK isn't keen on spending a day there so a shorter visit (with a meal if you must:p) is probably as much as you can ask of him.


I think part of the problem is that your parents have too much time to dwell on the fact that you aren't there constantly at their beck and call. It's not your fault that they've lived a lifestyle where they haven't made friends or taken up any interests and expect you to fill that gap. You're an adult now and a father and husband and you enjoy that role and that's where I believe your priorities should lie.

:rotfl: It wasn't too painful!

I can't say I want things to go back to 'normal'. It was causing a lot of trouble within my marriage that I wasn't entirely aware of and making me think I was entirely useless with no hope. I suppose a lot of things haven't changed but I don't want to go through life not bothering to challenge myself.

My parents see me being at their beck and call as something of a right. Father constantly tells me how lucky I am to be their son (all to do with money, of course).

AlexLK

tootallulah wrote: »

Hi Alex, sad summer is over because it has been so good is a fantastic feeling. Autumn's good too, leaves, mushrooms, bonfires etc. Plan a splendid half term. It is great to have special things for every season.

Thanks, tootallulah.

I actually really like autumn as a season, just a bit sad my son is back at school. Probably sounds rather pathetic to most but I really miss him. Need to keep myself busy.

Definitely will try to plan a good half term, though.

newgirly

I agree with toots so much to look forward to Halloween , Christmas :xmastree:

Start making plans for your next adventures! we took the kids years ago to story telling In the woods at night for Halloween with jam jar painting whch you then carried as a lantern in the dark, maybe there is some thing like that going on nearby?

Spooky movies and toffee apples at home - haunted mansion was a favourite of my lot (not too scary it's Disney!) or Casper.

Pumpkin carving of course

Christmas the list is endless, I've recently started doing advent boxes for my lot, glittery gift boxes from the card shop with little candy striped paper bags numbered one to 24 we gold stickers, filled with whatever small things they like that fit. In the past we have done clues for treasure hunts in there, sweets, small toys, write down things they will be doing that day, ie. Go on a Xmas tree walk - walk around the neighbouring streets marking the decorations out of 10, simple but fun, I used to go with my grandad when I was little.

Making reindeer food, writing and posting to Santa, follow the sleigh on the NORAD tracking system, so many things!

As you can see I suffer from excessive Christmas obsession and have teenagers who will no longer comply with my festive demands :rotfl:

Make plans for what's coming next, he will be off for half term in the blink of an eye

hiddenshadow

Hope you and LittleK feel better soon!

maman

I know how you feel Alex but the world really doesn't end with the start of a new term. This is a very common feeling for children and teachers! :rotfl:
When it's holiday time 3.30 in the afternoon feels like there's plenty of day left to enjoy and the same will be true on Monday. Plan some nice but simple things to do with Little K like walk the dog or prep the dinner or a short visit to grandparents or to the horses if it's near enough. It'll be light after school until half term. Then there's weekends......

You'll cope!