Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

Fay wrote: »

I think you're seriously in danger of raising your son to be incapable of navigating a modern , adult world. Which is what you feel yourself not able to do. Sorry for such a harsh observation Alex.
Don't give up on the challenge. What about sorting more wheels out? That seemed a great way to get rid of stuff that was cluttering space up and raise some decent money.

To be honest, I don't know how I'm meant to prepare him for a world I cannot cope with myself.

I do need to sort some more wheels out but do not have the inclination at the moment.

ourcornercottage

Fay wrote: »

I think you're seriously in danger of raising your son to be incapable of navigating a modern , adult world. Which is what you feel yourself not able to do. Sorry for such a harsh observation Alex.
Don't give up on the challenge. What about sorting more wheels out? That seemed a great way to get rid of stuff that was cluttering space up and raise some decent money.

My 5 pence worth; Whilst I'm not a great fan of technology I think it unrealistic to expect my Child to have no exposure to it. He has access to a tablet and we have an old wii but to be honest he never really uses them anyway. My approach is going to be to (try to) teach him to be responsible online but also to encourage lots and lots of activities so had no time/inclination for gaming, social media and alike. I have faith in him to be responsible and make the right choices when he is older.

I find it a little strange Alex how you seem in many ways to be following your own parents parenting approach when you (quite rightly in my opinion) blame your upbringing for your current mental health issues.

Also you mention a few times how teenage you would have been with this technology, maybe that would have been true but I'm sure that if you had been given access to technology and been taught how to respect it you would have. Give the teenage boy you described yourself as with no experience and who has not been taught respect of technology a smartphone I'm sure it may be misused. It's another reason for you to teach your boy the right way with technology id say.

Maybe it's time to think a little outside the box and do just what feels right for the three of you at the time.

My opinion is a phone at about age 12-14 when going out on their own is in my opinion about right, tv in bedroom when no longer in education, computer in communal spaces. That's my ideal but might be a wee bit unrealistic!

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

My 5 pence worth; Whilst I'm not a great fan of technology I think it unrealistic to expect my Child to have no exposure to it. He has access to a tablet and we have an old wii but to be honest he never really uses them anyway. My approach is going to be to (try to) teach him to be responsible online but also to encourage lots and lots of activities so had no time/inclination for gaming, social media and alike. I have faith in him to be responsible and make the right choices when he is older.

I find it a little strange Alex how you seem in many ways to be following your own parents parenting approach when you (quite rightly in my opinion) blame your upbringing for your current mental health issues.

Also you mention a few times how teenage you would have been with this technology, maybe that would have been true but I'm sure that if you had been given access to technology and been taught how to respect it you would have. Give the teenage boy you described yourself as with no experience and who has not been taught respect of technology a smartphone I'm sure it may be misused. It's another reason for you to teach your boy the right way with technology id say.

Maybe it's time to think a little outside the box and do just what feels right for the three of you at the time.

My opinion is a phone at about age 12-14 when going out on their own is in my opinion about right, tv in bedroom when no longer in education, computer in communal spaces. That's my ideal but might be a wee bit unrealistic!

To say my son has no access to technology would be a lie. They have computers at school which the children sometimes work on and he also watches wildlife videos (and osprey cam, GG ) on the computer at home. He knows you can find things out using google, as we've used it recently to research birds and other wildlife together. He doesn't have access to mind numbing games and children's television programmes, unlike a lot of his peers.

As for following my parents' approach, whilst there may be some things I agree with them about, I also spend a lot of time with my son, let him have an opinion and a voice and don't believe corporal punishment works. He will also learn how to manage an allowance when the time comes. In fact, my son has an ongoing problem which my father's solution would be to berate and beat out of him, something I am completely against and know doesn't work. To imply I've chosen the same way to parent as my own parents chose is rather insulting, to be honest.

I reckon most teenagers would do the same and misuse social media. I know some adults that still do and I'm not talking about ones that grew up in a council house and went to the local "comp". Of course if my son had a 'phone when he was at senior school I'd tell him not to send certain pictures / messages or if he received them to report them but I'm sure very few teenage boys would to listen to their father's advice on such matters.

My wife has a different opinion and doesn't have so much of a problem with technology. However, she uses it a lot for her work, to keep in touch with people and likes the idea of documenting everyday life (no idea why).

cazmanian_minx

Alex, if he's going to prep school and private school after that, he may be required to have a tablet or a smartphone for lessons. My great-niece (I am not THAT old, but my brother-in-law is 24 years older than me, which makes for some funny generational stuff going on!) has been required to have an iPad for school since the age of 11 and that's not even a private school, it's a grammar.

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

Alex, if he's going to prep school and private school after that, he may be required to have a tablet or a smartphone for lessons. My great-niece (I am not THAT old, but my brother-in-law is 24 years older than me, which makes for some funny generational stuff going on!) has been required to have an iPad for school since the age of 11 and that's not even a private school, it's a grammar.

That may explain why they all seem to have iPads at my old prep school (I'm involved with music there) which is where he's meant to be going at 7. Can't say I'd be pleased if that is the case. I will have to find out and perhaps review. :mad::mad::mad:

Why does schooling have to be so difficult these days?

newgirly

We don't know the in's and out's of your upbringing, or your sons, so only have the words you have posted on here to make assumptions Alex.

I have to say that to me it sounds like you want to have as much control over your ds as long as possible. If you both do your job well, you should be able to trust him to learn from his own choices /mistakes/ successes. Have a little faith

Ali-OK

Alex, forgive me for wading in too...as I see it, a parent's role is to guide their offspring as their world grows, enabling them to become safely independent, responsible and sensible as they head towards adulthood.

DS is 15, he has a laptop, an iPad and a mobile phone..the latter he doesn't care for (why I don't know!). He is not on social media and has no desire to be - not all children/teenagers are the same. If he wanted to be, I wouldn't have a problem and I'd lay down some safety do's and don't's. He does use Skype and group gaming with school friends over the internet though.

What you can bet on, is that inflicting strict rules will send him either underground on his mates phones or he'll rebel in some other way. Much better IMO to feel your way along this path with your child at the time, than set things in stone now and wait for the impending fall out that may well damage the relationship at that difficult teen stage (why I left home and bought a property at 18, moved out of the area and even worked abroad - all to get away from strict parents and live life unhindered).

My stance has been to watch, guide, inform and agree boundaries - in turn DS has learnt responsibility and decision making skills. Abuse it and I'll clamp down. It is a 2-way street as they get older. Listen to and respect each other - it's a much more grown up way to do it IMO and I can spot the child moments in his current hormonal life

It is not luck how a child turns out, but parents judgements and influences. Our job is to keep them safe and protect them until they can do that themselves..which evolves and changes from the first real independence you'll probably see around 7 years old through to mid/late teens I guess. It doesn't happen overnight when he turns 17

Chill a bit....

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

We don't know the in's and out's of your upbringing, or your sons, so only have the words you have posted on here to make assumptions Alex.

I have to say that to me it sounds like you want to have as much control over your ds as long as possible. If you both do your job well, you should be able to trust him to learn from his own choices /mistakes/ successes. Have a little faith

I suppose you're right, NG. Sorry.

I don't want my son to grow up. I'm already seeing it now he's at school. Last year we had a great time together and I began to think there was some purpose to life. Once he's grown up I'll have nothing. My wife has a career, friends, ambitions. I have my son to educate and my parents. One day my son will grow up and my parents will die.

Ali-OK wrote: »

Alex, forgive me for wading in too...as I see it, a parent's role is to guide their offspring as their world grows, enabling them to become safely independent, responsible and sensible as they head towards adulthood.

DS is 15, he has a laptop, an iPad and a mobile phone..the latter he doesn't care for (why I don't know!). He is not on social media and has no desire to be - not all children/teenagers are the same. If he wanted to be, I wouldn't have a problem and I'd lay down some safety do's and don't's. He does use Skype and group gaming with school friends over the internet though.

What you can bet on, is that inflicting strict rules will send him either underground on his mates phones or he'll rebel in some other way. Much better IMO to feel your way along this path with your child at the time, than set things in stone now and wait for the impending fall out that may well damage the relationship at that difficult teen stage (why I left home and bought a property at 18, moved out of the area and even worked abroad - all to get away from strict parents and live life unhindered).

My stance has been to watch, guide, inform and agree boundaries - in turn DS has learnt responsibility and decision making skills. Abuse it and I'll clamp down. It is a 2-way street as they get older. Listen to and respect each other - it's a much more grown up way to do it IMO and I can spot the child moments in his current hormonal life

It is not luck how a child turns out, but parents judgements and influences. Our job is to keep them safe and protect them until they can do that themselves..which evolves and changes from the first real independence you'll probably see around 7 years old through to mid/late teens I guess. It doesn't happen overnight when he turns 17

Chill a bit....

As you know from what you say on here I think you've got a fantastic son.

I really don't feel I'm cut out to be a parent beyond about the age of 7, to be honest. Don't think I can face the future.

Ali-OK

Alex - you're not in a good place right now, but we're all trying to be helpful and constructive even if it doesn't feel like that at the moment

Parents are for life, not just until 7! It changes, we adjust and in turn grow ourselves. Go with the flow and enjoy him blossoming into a son that you're proud to have given so much to in these crucial early years - they do set the stage for his life ongoing.

Hope tomorrow is a better one for you.

PS. DS isn't perfect and neither am I. We all make mistakes, but then that's how we learn isn't it.

A_Frayed_Knot

Your right - one day your son will grow up - but then you will have a friend that you can socialise with, that you can do activities together, go to the pictures, go to sporting events / whatever takes you or little LK's interest, but that is some time away - but why should it be - you can do all these activities - right now :A

Meanwhile you should be making kids time - fun - as they grow up so quickly. Does little LK like swimming, most kids love the water.

As for the easter egg hunt, as Ali OK says, make sure the dogs don't get them first :rotfl: you could always put them in hedges, trees up high out of dogs reach

Meanwhile Challenge 1 - is still looking for your attention You could give yourself a boost and update your signature, something like;
Challenge 1 - £250/£500 Half way there :j