Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

If money was not an issue Alex maybe something else would be? I know some very wealthy people and some that struggle, and to me there seems no difference in their levels of happiness, its more to do with personality. Things that floor me others can cope with and vice versa, and whilst lots of money would cheer me up no end, I would still be lying in bed at 1am fretting over the same old things, the row with dh earlier , the kids futures and whether I have to go to the inlaws for xmas :rotfl:

On another note, would your dw be open to an allowance for herself that you don't keep track of and you keeping a diary of everything else?

I suppose the money is something of an excuse but it not being an issue would mean no need to worry about being able to pay all the (seemingly never ending at the moment) bills. I do realise it won't make me happy.

Wife doesn't want an allowance (we've talked about this before) as it's her money.

maman wrote: »

Hardly an extravagant day!!:rotfl:I think another spin off of a spending diary is that it makes me think twice before spending. I don't keep one any more but the 'do I need it or just want it?' habit has stuck.

What I see wrong with your wish to move in with parents is that it's not your home, it's theirs, and similarly their money. Money is only an issue to you because you want to have a lifestyle which is beyond your means (although comfortable by most people's standards) which makes you dissatisfied.

:mad: to MrsK being uncooperative.

:rotfl: Yes spending diary is making me think twice too. Well, it has on small purchases, like lunch.

Disagree re. parents' home but you're right about the money issue.

ourcornercottage wrote: »

^^^^ what newgirly said ^^^^

totally agree thAt Having more money will not solve anything, in fact it could have opposite effect. What makes you think this is the solution?

No bills would make life a lot easier.

AlexLK

hiddenshadow wrote: »

We do this and it's great. We each get a set amount each month that we can spend (or save) how we like (earlier this year I saved a couple of months and bought a sewing machine that cost more than my regular allowance month).

Coming up with the amount can be tricky (we just picked a number that seemed reasonable and we're happy with it, though I'm debating lowering mine for 2016) - but if you/MrsK buys into the philosophy of "this is the total I can spend, but I don't have to feel bad about spending it" it can really help (both in feeling less guilt about spending for yourself because you have a limited amount, and in not just buying All The Things! because you feel like shopping that day).

Edited to add we do track the exact things we spend money on, but only because we choose to (and we have a finance application that encourages you to do so, unless you're spending it all in cash). I never look at the transactions for DH's allowance spending (and I don't think he looks at mine). I wouldn't spend my allowance the way he does, and he wouldn't spend his on my things, but it's irrelevant because it's an agreed-upon amount that we can spend as we choose.

I could certainly do this but wife refuses because it's her money and as she's often stated she'd be financially better off on her own.

turtlemoose wrote: »

you had loads of money before, and that didn't work out so well for you..... I really struggle to see why you're so obsessed with going back to the kind of wealth and lifestyle that ultimately led to you having a breakdown.

That was nothing to do with wealth / lifestyle. The job I used to do did contribute but wasn't the only reason. As time passes on and I find myself little better, I'm starting to realise that I doubt happiness is something I will ever have.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

But it's not moving on is it? It's moving back, back to your parents house.

People have told you ad infinitum what's wrong with the idea, but I'll have another go at answering your question.

Your home is where you can feel comfortable, secure, and relaxed. I can't imagine that your wife will feel any of those things while living under your parents roof. I doubt if your son will either. Have you already forgotten the 'incident' a few weeks ago when your father 'overstepped the line'. Little K would spend his childhood walking on eggshells in case he upset his grandfather again - no one should feel like that in their home

You're right about my wife, though I'd imagine she'd probably stay if I chose to move. Using the same logic I'm not comfortable, secure or relaxed in this house. Always "walking on eggshells" because I don't pay my way so far as my wife is concerned. No doubt I deserve all I get, though.

Regarding my father, he's apologised both to my son and I, which is more than my wife would do.

AlexLK

hiddenshadow wrote: »

If you never even try, though, you definitely won't match their achievements. As people have mentioned before, your parens have had twice as long as you to get where they are now, and presumably that didn't happen by them just going "oh well, we can't save/invest £5k/mo so we shouldn't even bother".

I'm not saying you could/should "match" their achievements - their lives are their lives, and they had their own challenges (and opportunities!) that you may or may not have. My only point is that you could strive to do the best you can (whatever that might be) and take pride in that. If that's saving £5 in spare change over the course of a year (and that's the best you could do with your circumstances) - great! If that's saving £1mil to invest - even better (if the total sum saved/invested is important to you). Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself* that your parents managed to do so much more than you won't actually get you anywhere. And who knows what will come your way - perhaps you'll do the teaching course and then teachers' pay will multiply tenfold and you'll make millions , or perhaps you'll find a winning lotto ticket on the street. You don't know that in 40+ years' time you won't have accomplished just as much as your parents (whether on the financial front or otherwise) until that time has passed.

*I don't mean that in a harsh way, just what it looks like from an outside perspective

On a final note (which may or may not have been mentioned previously) - what did your parents give up to achieve their financial success? Sounds like a strong relationship with you growing up (which you already have with LittleK) and friendships, perhaps more. Are those sacrifices worth it to you just so that you can say that you added to your net worth by £X?

You're clearly an optimist. I'm not.

I have managed to save (well, earn extra) this year. The figure is now £10,800 but that will be gone by the end of next year on the house. So, I'll be back to the start.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

I agree, mathematically it makes more sense to build up equity and then sell. Finances aren't about maths, though (beyond the surface). It's about what motivates you and gets you excited - clearly paying off your mortgage doesn't do that, so (if you want to work towards financial goals) you need to figure out what does.

Can't really see what other goals there are to work towards that doesn't leave the rest of the world thinking you're a complete loser, to be honest.

At the start of this diary I hoped I could become financially independent and not need the money / other things that will come to me from my family. When I'd paid off my debts, I was quite positive saving money would give me some sense of self satisfaction. However, I'd failed to take into account that it's my wife's money and I can only save because she pays the bills.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

You might become one of the 0.13% of teachers that earn over £65 000! :rotfl:

Can't see that, maman.

edinburgher wrote: »

Does that include headteachers? If so I know one of the 0.13%

Reminds me of a conversation with a Head I'm doing some volunteer work for re. teaching career. He asked me if I was considering training in KS2 in order to become a Head, apparently there's lots of jobs. I'm not, by the way.

Whilst on the school thing, maman will be pleased / shocked to know I'm taking an online module on EDX in computer programming as it's on the curriculum and something I really don't have a clue about. Actually finding it really interesting. First project is to create a programme using a language called "Scratch", which looks great for introducing kids to the subject.

maman wrote: »

No, that's classroom teachers. Teachers complained to ASA that the current recruitment was misleading and when salaries of classroom teachers are averaged apparently that's the figure for those earning £65K+. Whoever makes up the 0.13% must be doing a lot of lunch duties!!:rotfl:

No desire to go into teaching for the money. :rotfl:

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Hope you are well

I'm surviving.

Secret_Saving_Squirrel wrote: »

I was one of those 0.13% and I had to change my job to one with lower pay when I was on the verge of a breakdown. And I am a very stoical, hardworking person. It isn't worth it.

Apologies for my ignorance but what were the differences between the higher paid and lower paid teaching jobs?

smallholdingsister

The lower paid teaching jobs are in the classroom.
You get paid more the more experience you have, up to a point and if you succeed at appraisal.

Squirrel was a member of the senior leadership (assistant head and above). They get paid the most but are no longer protected by teachers' terms and conditions which limit time spent at work - though there is no limit to time spent working.

hiddenshadow

AlexLK wrote: »

You're clearly an optimist. I'm not.

I have managed to save (well, earn extra) this year. The figure is now £10,800 but that will be gone by the end of next year on the house. So, I'll be back to the start.

I wouldn't say I'm an optimist so much as I'm not willing to write off my entire future as a loss until it's happened. I might win the lottery tomorrow (would have to find a lost ticket first as I don't play), or I might be hit by a bus. Neither outcome is particularly likely, but I'm open to both possibilities (and prepare for the bus one with life insurance).

You'll be "back to the start" as far as not having a savings pot anymore, but your house will be in better condition and you won't have gone into debt for it - that's still far better than you would have been if you hadn't saved (or gotten out of debt in the first place). You may not be that inspired by the end result of fixing up the house (hence my suggesting finding something that does inspire you), but you can't argue that financially having an end result of "savings account: 0, paid-for-repairs: 10k" is far better than "savings account: 0, new-debt-for-repairs: 10k".

Can't really see what other goals there are to work towards that doesn't leave the rest of the world thinking you're a complete loser, to be honest.

What do you mean? (As an aside, the only things I can think of to spend money on that would lead me to an impression of "complete loser" are drugs/alcohol, and even then there are - usually - addictions behind that level of spending on those things. DH spends all his free money on DVDs that he usually doesn't even watch - drives me a bit mental because I don't really see the point, but it makes him happy so that's the part I care about. And even though I think it's weird, I don't think any less of him for spending his money in a weird-to-me way - just means we're different people with different interests/priorities.)

At the start of this diary I hoped I could become financially independent and not need the money / other things that will come to me from my family. When I'd paid off my debts, I was quite positive saving money would give me some sense of self satisfaction. However, I'd failed to take into account that it's my wife's money and I can only save because she pays the bills.

You and your wife seem very firm on keeping all your finances separate - income separate, debt separate, etc. That's up to you and how you manage your finances, but the one strong recommendation I'd have in this regard is to use a percentage-based level for counting who pays for what. Given that she earns more than you do (and her income is steady as she's not self-employed), it's only fair that she contribute more than you do (you can count this towards just bills or spending money as well, which sounds like it would please MrsK )

Assuming she earns 40k and you earn 10k. Thus of the 50k she's contributing 80%. You then apply that to some/all of your spending (depending on whether you agree that it applies to everything or just expenses/household things).

Mortgage - 1000 - she contributes 800, you contribute 200
Bills - 500 - she contributes 400, you contribute 100
Food - 200 - she contributes 160, you contribute 40
etc

Thus more of her pay goes towards your joint expenses, as she brings in more money - the key point being that the amounts are based on what each of you bring in. You still pay for expenses, but it's relative to the amount you bring in.

If you want to extend this to spending money, then she gets 4x as much as you (but no more!). It's not fair if she hoards her pay just because she earns more than you, leaving you to use all your income to handle household expenses (which benefit her as well).

If she wants to spend, say, 1k/mo of her pay on things she wants, you should get to spend (or save) 250/mo on whatever you like. If that puts you over budget on the rest of your lives, then you'll both have to cut back on what you have to spend/save as you like (stopping what she's been doing, which sounds like spending the 1k and then leaving you to figure out how to make up the difference in the budget alone).

I've already illustrated what 250/mo can get you down the line ...it could mean financial independence depending on your expenses, or it could just mean a very nice car/watch/pen .

maman

:Ton signing up for the IT course. You're right that some programming has now been included but using the computer across the curriculum as a tool is still the major part at KS1/2.


Interesting that you were asked whether you were going into KS2 for Headship. Many governors would still prefer a Headmaster as they assume that men are more suited to being in charge and managing behaviour!!:rotfl:Headships are increasingly difficult to fill and many areas are only coping by having 'Executive Heads' that manage several schools at once. Ofsted has an awful lot to answer for.


I still find MrsK's attitude to money selfish. Does she not take into account the cost of childcare?

newgirly

I must be very old fashioned as I see dh and my wages as "ours" he earns way more than me, but its all in one pot. I felt the same even when I was a sahm, he worked lots more but I did everything at home and took on 99% of chores and all the childcare. When (and if of course) I get a pretty large inheritance hopefully many many years from now, it will be just as much dh's as mine.

On the flip side I wouldn't want my dd or ds's to share everything they had with a very new partner as many relasionships don't last, but surely after a fair few years and a family it must be hard to feel you are not contributing enough be being penalised financially in a relationship.

Maybe I would feel differently if I was earning loads and dh wasn't though, so maybe I should keep my trap shut :rotfl:

Debsnewbudget

We have used the percentage share for years but only for the household expenses. The rest is ours to do what we want. We both pay half towards holidays etc
When DH was working he paid in a higher percentage than me, now he is on his pension I pay in more than him. It works for us