Renovations and Repayments.

ourcornercottage

newgirly wrote: »

If money was not an issue Alex maybe something else would be? I know some very wealthy people and some that struggle, and to me there seems no difference in their levels of happiness, its more to do with personality. Things that floor me others can cope with and vice versa, and whilst lots of money would cheer me up no end, I would still be lying in bed at 1am fretting over the same old things, the row with dh earlier , the kids futures and whether I have to go to the inlaws for xmas :rotfl:

On another note, would your dw be open to an allowance for herself that you don't keep track of and you keeping a diary of everything else?

^^^^ what newgirly said ^^^^


totally agree thAt Having more money will not solve anything, in fact it could have opposite effect. What makes you think this is the solution?

hiddenshadow

newgirly wrote: »

On another note, would your dw be open to an allowance for herself that you don't keep track of and you keeping a diary of everything else?

We do this and it's great. We each get a set amount each month that we can spend (or save) how we like (earlier this year I saved a couple of months and bought a sewing machine that cost more than my regular allowance month).

Coming up with the amount can be tricky (we just picked a number that seemed reasonable and we're happy with it, though I'm debating lowering mine for 2016) - but if you/MrsK buys into the philosophy of "this is the total I can spend, but I don't have to feel bad about spending it" it can really help (both in feeling less guilt about spending for yourself because you have a limited amount, and in not just buying All The Things! because you feel like shopping that day).

Edited to add we do track the exact things we spend money on, but only because we choose to (and we have a finance application that encourages you to do so, unless you're spending it all in cash). I never look at the transactions for DH's allowance spending (and I don't think he looks at mine). I wouldn't spend my allowance the way he does, and he wouldn't spend his on my things, but it's irrelevant because it's an agreed-upon amount that we can spend as we choose.

turtlemoose

you had loads of money before, and that didn't work out so well for you..... I really struggle to see why you're so obsessed with going back to the kind of wealth and lifestyle that ultimately led to you having a breakdown.

Goldiegirl

AlexLK wrote: »

I just want to move on and think my parents' house would be a better place for my son to spend his childhood. Not really sure what's wrong with that? Furthermore, if money wasn't an issue, I'd hopefully be a lot better.

But it's not moving on is it? It's moving back, back to your parents house.


People have told you ad infinitum what's wrong with the idea, but I'll have another go at answering your question.


Your home is where you can feel comfortable, secure, and relaxed. I can't imagine that your wife will feel any of those things while living under your parents roof. I doubt if your son will either. Have you already forgotten the 'incident' a few weeks ago when your father 'overstepped the line'. Little K would spend his childhood walking on eggshells in case he upset his grandfather again - no one should feel like that in their home

hiddenshadow

AlexLK wrote: »

Hiddenshadow, I think you and I see the whole hypothetical 10% thing very differently. I don't believe my situation is anything to take pride in, it's quite sad to know you're not good enough to match your parents' achievements.

If you never even try, though, you definitely won't match their achievements. As people have mentioned before, your parens have had twice as long as you to get where they are now, and presumably that didn't happen by them just going "oh well, we can't save/invest £5k/mo so we shouldn't even bother".

I'm not saying you could/should "match" their achievements - their lives are their lives, and they had their own challenges (and opportunities!) that you may or may not have. My only point is that you could strive to do the best you can (whatever that might be) and take pride in that. If that's saving £5 in spare change over the course of a year (and that's the best you could do with your circumstances) - great! If that's saving £1mil to invest - even better (if the total sum saved/invested is important to you). Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself* that your parents managed to do so much more than you won't actually get you anywhere. And who knows what will come your way - perhaps you'll do the teaching course and then teachers' pay will multiply tenfold and you'll make millions , or perhaps you'll find a winning lotto ticket on the street. You don't know that in 40+ years' time you won't have accomplished just as much as your parents (whether on the financial front or otherwise) until that time has passed.

*I don't mean that in a harsh way, just what it looks like from an outside perspective

On a final note (which may or may not have been mentioned previously) - what did your parents give up to achieve their financial success? Sounds like a strong relationship with you growing up (which you already have with LittleK) and friendships, perhaps more. Are those sacrifices worth it to you just so that you can say that you added to your net worth by £X?

Agree I need to know where money is spent and not be thinking "where did I spend it?" but I see no point in putting tiny amounts of money away to buy a BTL in ten years time. I'd be much better putting every penny into paying the mortgage ASAP on the current property, getting all the work done on it and selling for c.£300,000 to fund some potential property investments (and fun ). Should I wish to make property a full time endeavour, doing that plus releasing the equity from parents' paid for BTL properties would provide the base for quite a serious business. However, I'm not that committed.

I agree, mathematically it makes more sense to build up equity and then sell. Finances aren't about maths, though (beyond the surface). It's about what motivates you and gets you excited - clearly paying off your mortgage doesn't do that, so (if you want to work towards financial goals) you need to figure out what does.

maman

hiddenshadow wrote: »

And who knows what will come your way - perhaps you'll do the teaching course and then teachers' pay will multiply tenfold and you'll make millions

You might become one of the 0.13% of teachers that earn over £65 000! :rotfl:

edinburgher

Does that include headteachers? If so I know one of the 0.13%

maman

edinburgher wrote: »

Does that include headteachers? If so I know one of the 0.13%

No, that's classroom teachers. Teachers complained to ASA that the current recruitment was misleading and when salaries of classroom teachers are averaged apparently that's the figure for those earning £65K+. Whoever makes up the 0.13% must be doing a lot of lunch duties!!:rotfl:

ourcornercottage

Hope you are well

Secret_Saving_Squirrel

I was one of those 0.13% and I had to change my job to one with lower pay when I was on the verge of a breakdown. And I am a very stoical, hardworking person. It isn't worth it.