Top Table Arrangements - Tradition?

bylromarha

My dad died when I was 3. I never called the live in partner who moved in 6 months after dad died, "dad" - always by his first name. He wasn't someone I got on with particularly well.

OH's mum had been divorced from OHs dad for 7 years. OHs dad wasn't invited to the wedding by choice of OH. OH's mum had a partner of 1 year by the point of our wedding.

So! When we got married, on top table we had me and hubby. I sat next to OHs mum. He sat next to my mum. We had the best man, 2 ushers and 2 bridesmaids on the top table with us as well. We had 1 table for OH's mum's partner, sister and other close family. We had a 2nd table for my mum's partner, sister and other close family.

My mum knew there was no point arguing she wasn't coming to the wedding if partner wasn't sitting at the top table as she knew that I'd rather not have her there than sit him at the top table.

Ultimately, mum knew it was my day, not hers, so my wishes counted far more than hers. And having him sitting on the table close by would not have made for a very happy memory of the day for me.

belfastgirl23

It would be a bit weird for your mum sitting at the top table on her own whilst her partner sat elsewhere. If the bride's parents are non-negotiable then so are the groom's IMHO. It's either all of the parents or none of them. **edited to say I think the poster above managed it well because both mums had partners and could be treated equitably, I think it's trickier here because the bride does have two parents**

I would have thought 11 at the top table (even before your mum) is way too much in any case (you both, her parents, 4 'best men' and 3 bridesmaids). It would need to be a big table lol.

Either best men and bridesmaids only or parents only, your (shared) call I reckon.

bylromarha

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

If the bride's parents are non-negotiable then so are the groom's IMHO. It's either all of the parents or none of them. **edited to say I think the poster above managed it well because both mums had partners and could be treated equitably, I think it's trickier here because the bride does have two parents**

I don't think it is trickier here - parents are different to partners IMO.

SmlSave

We didn't have a top table. We had 3 large tables and we sat at each one for a course which worked well, no one felt left out. Only had 30 people for the day though

belfastgirl23

bylromarha wrote: »

I don't think it is trickier here - parents are different to partners IMO.

Of course they're different. But at the same time the OPs mum did not choose to be widowed. It underlines her loss to make her sit up there on her own IMHO. Weddings can be a tricky enough time anyway when you miss the people who aren't there. I wouldn't feel comfortable emphasising it more.

onlyroz

Which is why we went for a buffet

onlyroz

KxMx wrote: »

It's not really down to your Mum.

Unless, perhaps, mum is contributing a significant amount towards the cost

Bella73

lucifersangel87 wrote: »

Hi all,

Does anyone know what the tradition is for a wedding top table when one parent is deceased?

My dad died when I was young, and my mum has now got a new partner. To be honest he's a bit of a waster, and mum could do much much better. But mum is insisting he sits at the top table with us.
Vanessa's got both her parents and three bridesmaids to seat, as well as two best men and two ushers.

Some have suggested just the bridal party on the top table and have a second table for 'parents and close family'.

Any ideas?

Ta
Martin

If you wish to follow true tradition then the etiquette is to ask your Mum what she would like to do, be that sit at the top table alone or have her new partner/friend or if you have a sibling to be her "partner" in the seating plan.

It is not usual to have all the ushers and bridesmaids on the top table, only the best man and the chief bridesmaid.

meritaten

my DDs Top Table arrangements were: her 3yr old bridesmaid DD, her MIL and her Partner, the Best Man, Groom, Bride, Brides Dad and mum, Grooms father and Partner, Son. her MILs partner and her FIL were kept as far apart as possible, while on same table. it worked great!

ThinkPink

We decided to have a round table as our 'top table'.

I had previously been chief bridesmaid and was sat next to my friends fil who hardly spoke to me and was also the complete opposite side of the room to anyone I knew and it just didn't feel sociable so I didn't want this for my wedding party.

Due to both sets of parents being divorced we decided to sit with chief bridesmaid, her boyfriend, best man, a couple we are really good friends with and another really good friend- it saved any debates and we had a good laugh, and it meant no couples were separated.

It's sometimes easier to go against tradition!