Top Table Arrangements - Tradition?

Gloomendoom

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Of course they're different. But at the same time the OPs mum did not choose to be widowed. It underlines her loss to make her sit up there on her own IMHO. Weddings can be a tricky enough time anyway when you miss the people who aren't there. I wouldn't feel comfortable emphasising it more.

I agree. If there is to be a top table, mother and partner should be on it.

aileth

We had real tribulations with our top table, mainly due to my parents being stuck up about it all. My husband's mum and dad both have new partners. They divorced about 25 years ago (My husband was only 6-7) and have been with the new partners since, so in my eyes I have two sets of in-laws rather than father-in-law and partner, mother-in-law and partner etc.

My parents, who have been married 35 years, don't see it like this. They view the partners as irrelevent as 'they're not married', regardless of the fact they've been together 20-25 years.

I arranged for our top table to have ourselves of course, father and mother in law and each partner, my parents, my husband's best man and my sister, who was my chief bridesmaid.

My parents kicked off big style, and my mother almost demanded that I put the partners on a separate table with my bridesmaids. I basically told her where to go, and could she imagine what a stink that would cause.

I ended up not having a specific table for bridesmaids and put them on a table with some single ladies who are an absolute riot, and they had a great time.

As important as it is, a wedding is just one day, but the repercussions that could stem from it will last a bloody lifetime! Save the peace and have your mum and partner on the top table, regardless of how you feel about him.

millysg1

When my sister got married she wanted her close friends on her "top table". So they had all their best friends with them and then family nearby. Me, my parents and my BIL family didn't mind. We knew it was their day and they could sit and eat with whoever they wanted. If its too awkward to go with traditional, go with something a bit different.

I had parents and siblings on my round head "top table". 2 bridesmaids were with their partners and sat on table with friends, probably more enjoyable for them than sitting with my parents. same with ushers (best man was BIL so was on our table anyway)

I just planned tables with who I think people would have the most enjoyable time with not what ever is currently classed as "traditional".

dundeediva

One thing I've learned recently, do what you and your bride want to do, it's not up to anyone else. Its your day

Fluff15

My best friend had a top table of just her and her new husband, in order to get around a situation like yours. Other family members were divided by two tables.

I also like the idea of just best men and bridemaids on top, then family on other tables.

bylromarha

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Of course they're different. But at the same time the OPs mum did not choose to be widowed. It underlines her loss to make her sit up there on her own IMHO. Weddings can be a tricky enough time anyway when you miss the people who aren't there. I wouldn't feel comfortable emphasising it more.

So would you feel more comfortable having your own wedding day ruined as it would be tarred with memories of having "urgh, him" to constantly be nice to and not avoid as he's sitting 2 seats away from you?

OP- this is for you to sort with your mum and bride to be. Is it going to be a day where you are annoyed and she is happy or vice versa?

Or take 3rd option of not sitting with any parents at all. Is this going to put a taint on it for your bride?

Only your decision to make.

gettingtheresometime

bylromarha wrote: »

So would you feel more comfortable having your own wedding day ruined as it would be tarred with memories of having "urgh, him" to constantly be nice to and not avoid as he's sitting 2 seats away from you?

OP- this is for you to sort with your mum and bride to be. Is it going to be a day where you are annoyed and she is happy or vice versa?

Or take 3rd option of not sitting with any parents at all. Is this going to put a taint on it for your bride?

Only your decision to make.

I interpreted the situation as the OP doesn't particularly get on with the partner but generally tolerates him so I guess he does the gritted smile on a fairly regular basis.

Personally if this is the only thing your mum has requested I'd be tempted to suck it up...

gellerbing

It's your wedding you can have whoever you want at the top table, if you don't want your mums partner sat there don't have him there.
My parents are divorced so if we do a sit down meal we are just having a sweetheart table for the 2 of us and spread everyone else out.

Anatidaephobia

My partner's mother died a few years ago and his father now has a new partner. When we get married, they will both be sitting together at our top table. To me, it would feel like we weren't recognising their relationship if we split them up - and I don't think it would look right or be fair if my partner's father was sitting there on his own when there's no need. Also, she won't know many other people in the room at all, and she certainly won't know anyone else very well; everyone she knows will be at the top table so it would feel cruel to seat her elsewhere. Having her at the top table is not a big deal to me but it would be a big deal to them if we split them up so there's no way we are going to do that.

If your top table is in a line, then you can arrange it so that you're not sitting next to anyone you dislike. If they're far away from you on the line, will you really be that aware of them?

Saying that, I do think that it's your day, you should do what you want, however try to be respectful of others as well in order to make their day enjoyable.

belfastgirl23

bylromarha wrote: »

So would you feel more comfortable having your own wedding day ruined as it would be tarred with memories of having "urgh, him" to constantly be nice to and not avoid as he's sitting 2 seats away from you?

OP- this is for you to sort with your mum and bride to be. Is it going to be a day where you are annoyed and she is happy or vice versa?

Or take 3rd option of not sitting with any parents at all. Is this going to put a taint on it for your bride?

Only your decision to make.

Being honest my mum being sad or feeling awkward would be a very big deal to me and would be way more likely to ruin my day. But that's different people I guess.