"Friends" who are unpleasant

Lily-Rose_3

jess1974 wrote: »

I cut a toxic 'friend' out of my life a few years ago....the snide comments were not aimed at me but at my son....I cut her out there and then...i wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire....I can cope with people who aim comments etc at me but i will not tolerate it done to my kids x

That is well out of order Jess.

Best to get people like this out of your life!

pelirocco

Peter333 wrote: »

I agree with the folk saying that you need to get people out of your life who make you feel crappy.

My wife and I had tolerated a 'friend' who was a ex colleague (of my wife's) for quite a long time (3-4 years.) We saw her and her husband about once every 2-3 months for a few hours for a drink or meal.

The last time we spoke to her was 5 years ago. One of our cats died, and my wife rang her (to put our night out off - as our cat had died,) and her 'friend' said 'why? it's only a cat.'

This was one in a long line of snide comments from her. She had made unpleasant remarks about my wife's weight, commenting how much thinner she used to be in her 20s! (she was only 12.5 stone, and her friend was 16 stone! So pot kettle black much?!)

And she frequently made snarky remarks about our house, and how much bigger and better HER house was. So this was the straw that broke the camel's back! ONLY a cat! :mad:

My wife said nothing, and put the phone down on her. Despite the woman leaving half a dozen messages over several weeks asking my wife to ring back, she finally gave up, and we have not seen her since. Not in any of her 6 or 7 answerphone messages, did she mention what she had said, or apologise for it.

We have never seen her since.

No loss! :rotfl:

When our dog died we were due to go out with friends , i phoned to say I wasnt up to it , they still came round saying the night out would do us good .........I wasnt impressed. We are still friends ( have been for over 30 years) but we dont see much of them I think we have all changed as we have got older , we have a lot of outside iterests they dont and its getting more and more difficult to have conversations ( that dont revolve round friend lol )

OP if you arent comfortable being around these friends then cut down the time you socialise with them . That may ivolve dropping your OH off or him getting there under his own steam . You need to cutivate new friendships / interests and your confidence will grow . Join a group , the W.I , Rotary anything like that , you may find it hard at first but ge stuck in , having something for yourselve will do wonders for your self esteem

Mr_Toad

DFlights wrote: »

I just snapped at someone. Not bad, though it is on Facebook for the world to see. But both online and in real life, this person, who is in my circle of friends, has been condescending and derogatory to me for years, particularly when we're in groups.
His methods are very subtle and take advantage of the fact that I'm probably not as bright as a lot of my friends, have different interests (not being into computers/tech/programming, though we all have other stuff in common), and well, I'm just socially awkward, like a lot of people, and can't always get what I mean to say into words, which means that a lot of time, what I mean to say comes out wrong when it goes from my brain to my mouth.
I grew up with a very emotionally abusive narcissistic family and went no contact with them years ago, and was bullied a lot in school, so it's possible that my perception is off, or that I'm over sensitive, however some of the things this guy, and a very, very small number of my other friends too, has said have been what I'd call belittling and derogatory.
You might ask why I put up with these people and don't just not be around them, but they are mutual friends of good friends of mine, and this particular person's partner is one of the loveliest people I know and I don't want to do or say anything to hurt her or the rest of my friends.
My partner is also well liked by everyone, including these people who make me uncomfortable, and I don't think he understands how I feel. I get the impression that that small number of our friends only put up with me because of him, and also he doesn't drive, so if I didn't want to go to a BBQ or event because someone was there I didn't want to be around, he'd probably not be able to go either (we live in a rural area and public transport is rubbish, plus none of our friends really live anywhere near us so he'd struggle to get a lift unless they went very far out of their way).

I've become tired of being slyly picked on when in groups - don't get me wrong, most of my friends are great, and I appreciate that they put up with me and my odd quirks (the social awkwardness being one of those quirks) - but there are just this one or two who seem to like feeling superior by making odd little snide comments, nitpicking things I say that came out wrong because I got foot-in-mouth problem, or tongue-tied.
I don't think my other friends really notice it, or else don't think it's all that serious, but it really hurts my feelings and makes me wonder what I'm doing at parties if I'm just there to be the trained monkey they get to laugh at.
I feel like I don't want to be around if certain other people are going to be at events I want to attend. And other than ignoring it and feeling very hurt inside, I don't know what else to do.

He probably does it because he sees you as an easy target and by that I mean one who doesn't respond.

You should stamp on him in public every time he does it.

Something like "I really don't appreciate the snide comments, especially in public. Please don't it only makes you look a complete knob."

If he responds, as so many do, that it's only a joke and you are somehow at fault for not taking it as such simply say well it isn't funny so stop.

Every time he does it from then on say something like "Trying and failing to be funny? Change the record you aren't very good at it."

Don't let him/them feed off you.