"Friends" who are unpleasant

Better_Days

OP as you've grown up with a narcissistic family you will be very aware of unpleasant comments said in certain way to cause upset. Others who have not grown up in such an environment may not be so aware how corrosive such comments can be.

I have broken off contact with a 'friend' that I was quite close to as the way she spoke to her step daughter was so disrespectful and was an unpleasant reminder of how my mother treated me.

It doesn't sound that you have reacted in haste but thought carefully about what is going on. Trust your instincts. If you are comfortable with it, confront the behaviour, maybe thinking of non confrontational assertive responses beforehand.

Mojoworking

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Anyone who has ever behaved like this has been eradicated from my life.

And my life is so much better without them.

I agree life is too short

Peter333

I agree with the folk saying that you need to get people out of your life who make you feel crappy.

My wife and I had tolerated a 'friend' who was a ex colleague (of my wife's) for quite a long time (3-4 years.) We saw her and her husband about once every 2-3 months for a few hours for a drink or meal.

The last time we spoke to her was 5 years ago. One of our cats died, and my wife rang her (to put our night out off - as our cat had died,) and her 'friend' said 'why? it's only a cat.'

This was one in a long line of snide comments from her. She had made unpleasant remarks about my wife's weight, commenting how much thinner she used to be in her 20s! (she was only 12.5 stone, and her friend was 16 stone! So pot kettle black much?!)

And she frequently made snarky remarks about our house, and how much bigger and better HER house was. So this was the straw that broke the camel's back! ONLY a cat! :mad:

My wife said nothing, and put the phone down on her. Despite the woman leaving half a dozen messages over several weeks asking my wife to ring back, she finally gave up, and we have not seen her since. Not in any of her 6 or 7 answerphone messages, did she mention what she had said, or apologise for it.

We have never seen her since.

No loss! :rotfl:

j.e.j.

I'm not sure I would postpone an evening out because the moggie had died, but that along with the other things this friend had said and done does make her sound a complete b*tch, Peter.

Peter333

j.e.j. wrote: »

I'm not sure I would postpone an evening out because the moggie had died, but that along with the other things this friend had said and done does make her sound a complete b*tch, Peter.

Yes she was. Thanks j.e.j.

Loz01

OP, dump anyone in your life who makes you feel inferior or stupid. I have and its so much better :rotfl: I had "friends" who would slyly pick on me and talk about me openly on Fbook (who knew I was so interesting!!) - since then I don't have to put up with any of that and I can safely say Im much happier. Life is too short to have these types of "friends" who are only in on it to take the p*ss.

Reggie_Rebel

Call him a pompous !!!! very loudly next time he's a pompous !!!!

Birdie85

I know a man like this, the 'charismatic bully' as j.e.j. calls them. He got a real rod up his bum about me for some reason and would do anything he could to belittle and upset me. I just stopped interacting with him. It was difficult to avoid him completely as we would get invited to the same events but other than a cursory 'Hello' I'd not talk to him again, not in an obviously rude or awkward way, but I would simply find others to talk to and if I saw him coming towards me I'd go in another direction! I have him hidden from my FB feed and although I haven't had to go as far as creating friends lists and hiding him from what I post etc, I would if he'd ever caused me bother on there. Funny thing is that he's now nice as pie when I see him but I still give him the cold shoulder because I know that he's really rotten underneath the nice guy exterior.

Next time he's horrible to you should call him up on it immediately; the more you make others aware of his bad behaviour, the more it'll be noted and the more he'll notice that he's being mean without provocation. Also, just because you socialise in a group, doesn't mean you have to spend your time talking to him. If the group is split into little groups of people chatting, go to the group without him, and rotate accordingly!

Try not to let him get you down, don't let him win!

jess1974

I cut a toxic 'friend' out of my life a few years ago....the snide comments were not aimed at me but at my son....I cut her out there and then...i wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire....I can cope with people who aim comments etc at me but i will not tolerate it done to my kids x

Slinky

j.e.j. wrote: »

I'm not sure I would postpone an evening out because the moggie had died, but that along with the other things this friend had said and done does make her sound a complete b*tch, Peter.

We did go out to see some friends on the evening of the day our cat died, but they were cat people who completely understood when we told them in advance of our arrival that we'd be a bit weepy and upset. We talked to them about him and it helped us.

I can completely understand why you wouldn't want to go out though when you knew what sort of people they were.