School fine withdrawn!

fluffnutter

Marisco wrote: »

And how exactly is the absent parent supposed to know about this, unless either the child or other parent tells him? Especially if you don't live close or even in another town/city?

Um, by being less absent in their child's life? You should know if your child is skipping school, this is absolutely in the parental handbook of 'stuff you should know about your kid'. Fines for this don't come out of the blue either - they come after written warnings. These would go to each parent with parental responsibility. So even if you don't live close by, you'll have been told.

Marisco

fluffnutter wrote: »

But I'd argue that he can do something about it. It's not easy, I know but you've got to put your own egos and feelings aside when you separate or divorce and work together to bring your children up. I see all the time people moaning about their vile and unreasonable exes when really they just both need to man up, swallow their pride and try to be civil. Instead they squabble and fight and run each other down, seemingly oblivious to the effect that this is having on their kids.

I don't think you have any idea how an unreasonable ex can make life hell do you? I've known a few separated and divorced people in my life, but I can honestly say I had never in my life come across anyone so awful until oh's ex. There would have been no way oh could have had a rational conversation with her.

Suffice to say when oh went to collect them for visits (when they were to young to use public transport) she would start an argument on the doorstop, then called the kids to hear it. Oh used to walk away rather than argue in front of the kids, and she would be screaming down the road after him. And that is one of the milder things she used to do. So no, there is no way it could have been sorted amicably!

fluffnutter

Marisco wrote: »

I don't think you have any idea how an unreasonable ex can make life hell do you? I've known a few separated and divorced people in my life, but I can honestly say I had never in my life come across anyone so awful until oh's ex. There would have been no way oh could have had a rational conversation with her.

Suffice to say when oh went to collect them for visits (when they were to young to use public transport) she would start an argument on the doorstop, then called the kids to hear it. Oh used to walk away rather than argue in front of the kids, and she would be screaming down the road after him. And that is one of the milder things she used to do. So no, there is no way it could have been sorted amicably!

Why did you OH chose to have children with such an unpleasant woman? I never understand that.

It's amazing how sane and reasonable current wives always are and how unreasonable and nutty ex wives always are isn't it? How does that happen? It's like magic!

Marisco

fluffnutter wrote: »

Why did you OH chose to have children with such an unpleasant woman? I never understand that.

It's amazing how sane and reasonable current wives always are and how unreasonable and nutty ex wives always are isn't it? How does that happen? It's like magic!

You really think people are like that when you first meet them? Aye ok then. Who said ex wives are always nutty? I know some very nice and reasonable ex wives, in fact most I know are, which is why it was such a shock when I came across her. I honestly didn't know people could be so nasty especially when children were involved.

I can't believe you think all ex's can be spoken to reasonably, you only have to read the boards here, this one as well as the CSA one, to know I'm certainly not alone in coming across these awful ex wives.

Auntie_Social

Some of the previous posts are obviously from members who have never been in the unfortunate position of having a child who does not live with them, and an uncooperative ex. OH’s ex seems to think she is above the law, and we only find out things when DS tells us i.e. not going to school. I really can’t understand how anyone can say that the non-resident parent can ensure their child goes to school on a regular basis when they are not there.

Better Days
The school have not officially said that they will issue a fine, however during a phone call where we were requesting an authorised absence form (it was for 1 day as we were getting married), it was granted due to the circumstances, but it was mentioned that his attendance was being monitored as they were only 6 weeks into the school year and he had already had 4 days absence (he had only completed 2 full weeks out of the 6). When OH said that he would take this up with Mum, he was politely reminded that should the school decide to take action, then BOTH parents would be fined as per the current legislation.

The school have been very lapse in letting OH know any details regarding DS’s education, even though they know he has PR and joint residency. OH is supposed to have a copy of every school report etc, but so far has had nothing despite repeated requests, by phone and email - but that's another story!

fluffnutter

Marisco wrote: »

You really think people are like that when you first meet them? Aye ok then. Who said ex wives are always nutty? I know some very nice and reasonable ex wives, in fact most I know are, which is why it was such a shock when I came across her. I honestly didn't know people could be so nasty especially when children were involved.

I can't believe you think all ex's can be spoken to reasonably, you only have to read the boards here, this one as well as the CSA one, to know I'm certainly not alone in coming across these awful ex wives.

No, I don't think that. I'm not naive. I'm just saying it's no excuse. Every parent who's not getting on with their ex thinks they're the reasonable one in the right. For every man saying 'my ex is an unreasonable witch' you have a woman, maybe even the ex herself, saying 'my ex is an unreasonable git'. It's just about points of view, isn't it. She did this. But he did this.

My point is, just man up. The pair of you. If your ex is hard work, stop slagging them off, stop running them down in front of your kids, just up the ante. Just because someone behaves badly doesn't give you the right to do so in response. Put your egos aside and behave better. I'm not interested in the detail, it's always depressingly the same - he/she's unreasonable/uses the kids/emotional blackmail blah blah. Plenty of parents don't behave like that. Plenty just grit their teeth and get on with it so that their kids aren't caught in the middle. So why are some managing and some not? Because they're just trying harder I bet.a

alwaysskint96

fluffnutter wrote: »

Um, by being less absent in their child's life? You should know if your child is skipping school, this is absolutely in the parental handbook of 'stuff you should know about your kid'. Fines for this don't come out of the blue either - they come after written warnings. These would go to each parent with parental responsibility. So even if you don't live close by, you'll have been told.

Told about the fines AFTER the event yes And and "should know" exactly HOW? You havent explained this yet So you can be less "absent" err OK so explain how? If you are miles away you can hardly turn up at the childs house and walk them to school And teenagers who take themselves to school- you are meant to know their movements even when the PWC struggles to keep up Would like to know the answers to this dilema

fluffnutter

Auntie_Social wrote: »

Some of the previous posts are obviously from members who have never been in the unfortunate position of having a child who does not live with them, and an uncooperative ex. OH’s ex seems to think she is above the law, and we only find out things when DS tells us i.e. not going to school.

Whenever I read something like this about an ex I wonder if I've also inadvertently stumbled across a post from the ex herself.

Wouldn't it be amusing if you read something like this and think 'Wow, that woman sounds a real piece of work. She must be a nightmare' not realising that you've previously been thinking 'Wow. That guy sounds a complete arse, mucking his ex around like that. I can't believe he behaves like that'

In things like this, everyone thinks they're right don't they? For every situation that's presented like *this* it could equally well be presented like *that*.

So how are we to know what's true? There isn't even really a 'true' version anyway. It's all about perspectives, which is why I think put your own ego aside and think about your kids.

Guest101

FN is being ridiculous. Obviously the 'absent' parent cannot know whether the child is being taken out of school or not.

The offence is failing to ensure a child attends school. The absent parent is not capable of ensuring this, and should argue that he does not have legal custody of the child to do so.

missprice

fluffnutter wrote: »

In things like this, everyone thinks they're right don't they? For every situation that's presented like *this* it could equally well be presented like *that*.

which is why I think put your own ego aside and think about your kids.

It would be lovely if only everyone was as well adjusted, normal and willing to always do the right thing. Sadly that's not the case and to keep putting in here that parents NRP or PWC must always talk it through/be there more/be the bigger person/etc is just naive.
People sometimes live too far away to do more than weekends, people have nasty ex's who will cut off their own nose to spite everyone, people can't be bothered so long as the main stuff is sorted, people are human.

And I too would like to know if I was in this situation how would I KNOW what was happening with my child. Say my ex had them all the time, he lived 30 miles away, if he did not tell me, the school did not tell me, no one told me?