Today I lost my mum and my best friend

[Deleted User]

Hi Faith

I am sending hugs, I wish I could help more.

Don't worry about how other people are thinking.., although to be honest, I suspect most will marvel at how well you are coping rather be negative. I guess a part of you feels like you shouldn't be able to be so organised.., when you are feeling such shock and grief, but its how some of us cope.

I wrote poems and things to help express my grief when someone very special to me died. I had to keep a lid on it around other people because I thought I'd start screaming or something so that was my safety valve. I don't know if that will help.

Shazzadouglas

I`m so sorry for your loss...big hugs xxx

j.e.j.

So sorry to hear about your mum. Don't worry about people thinking you are cold, I doubt that they will. I think when you are bereaved sometimes you just have to do something, anything, rather than sit around feeling helpless.

Georgiegirl256

Faith177 wrote: »

Thank you for all your lovely words they have been lovely to read.

Georgie sorry to hear of your loss too and warm wishes to you and your family

I'm journeying over with my husband and brother to see my dads side of the family today which is going to be hard as I'm going to have to go through all the same questions I've had from my mums family the last couple of days.

I'm really worried people will think I'm cold because I'm already sorting out the practical things and haven't really cried in front of anyone and I'm being quite methodical with what I need to do.

I feel like my mum spent the last 20 years training me for this moment and it's all just kicked in so I know what I need to get done and how to do it. She always knew that planning was my coping mechanism when things went wrong and it feels like this is her last way of helping me

Thank you Faith. Warm wishes to you and your family too. Hope you are ok and bearing up as well as can be expected.

Do not worry what anyone else thinks. People deal with things in different ways. I guess some kind of coping strategy kicks in and you deal with things in the best way you can/know how to at the time.

We were there when my Dad passed away, and I can remember afterwards thinking "what is up with me? Why aren't I crying?" Even when people came round and we were organising everything I didn't (and my Mam didn't) cry. I too worried what other people might be thinking. Everyone knew how close I was to my Dad, and I was worried that they'd be thinking "why isn't she crying?" I guess it was because I surprised myself? I always thought I'd just break down into tears and dissolve into huge sobs and was confused and worried when I didn't.

The bit you put about your Mum preparing you for that moment I think is very true. Not long before my Dad died, he told my Mam that he didn't want her (and me I guess) sobbing and being dramatic at his funeral! I don't think he worded it that exact way, but words to that extent, as he knew my Mam has a tendency to err on the side of drama queen! We kept it together (I don't think I really even cried then?) and did him proud. Again, I was worried about that, how I seemed unable to cry, but looking back, I guess in some cases that's normal and a way of coping and dealing with things. I totally understand you feeling that way as I did too, but people won't be/won't have been thinking anything, and the way you've dealt with things is what got you through those awful early days....I'm sure your Mum would have been really proud of you.

I said to my husband that I just knew everything was going to hit me after the funeral, and sure enough it did. You remain strong for as long as you need to, and then sometimes it all just comes crashing down on you and it all just hits you, so I've often wondered how you are doing and hope you are bearing up as well as can be expected.