Understanding my relationship with money – and taking back control!

moanymoany

Ceridwen, I had to laugh when you mentioned lotterry numbers. It reminded me of my daughter dreaming of having the winning numbers. It was ages before she could stop buying a ticket with those numbers, they didn't even win her £10!!!

My neice used to live with us, her income was 2/3rds of ours and she had problems dealing with her debt. One day DH asked her what she thought our joint income was. Clearly, she put on top of what she spent on her flash car, going out, mobile bills and all her trappings, what she saw as our costs of running the house and each other. £80,000 was her guess. When DH stopped laughing and picked himself up off of the floor, he told her it was less than half that. You know what? - she didn't believe him!

Rozee, have you read 'The Millionnaire Next Door'? You would find it very interesting, and I bet you would be able to identify with much of what is said in it.

rozeepozee

moanymoany wrote: »

Rozee, have you read 'The Millionnaire Next Door'? You would find it very interesting, and I bet you would be able to identify with much of what is said in it.

No, I haven't read it but thanks for the tip. I read the reviews on Amazon (given my goal to not buy unnecessarily, I can't justify putting another book on my shelves atm:D ) which gave a flavour of its contents and it sounds really interesting.

It is fascinating to think that those who don't have lots of cash might want to present a false image of having it. I come from a pretty poor part of the world and I recall an ex-boyfriend's first car. It was a tin wreck (an old Ford Escort) which cost him £50 from the scrap yard yet he spent 20 to 30 times that doing it up with a total respray, alloy wheels, huge trims, ridiculous horn and alarm. throwing good money after bad on a depreciating asset that wasn't ever going to be worth more than a £100 quid or so. And as PP mentioned, Spendaholics shows how many are willing to dig themselves into a pit of debt and much of this behaviour is about a lack of self esteem, not about simple spending. It's pretty sad.

red74

rozeepozee wrote: »

It's strange how we accept debt as natural state of being. Even those who are not in debt will still generally have a mortgage rather than live in a smaller property without. I now consider a mortgage to be something that enslaves a person to full time work. Yet it seems that most people would choose to have this form of debt than have a smaller mortgage and more time via, say, a part time job.

I think mortgages are slightly different to other forms of debt. Unless you are earning vast amounts, or have been left a hefty inheritance, then realistically you are going to have to get a mortgage - no matter how small your house, because on a 'normal' wage you will never be able to save up enough to buy a house outright. Once you've got the mortgage for the first house, then more than likely had to get another mortgage to buy a bigger house for a growing family, you get used to that money just going out from your income.

A large mortgage may tie you to full-time work when a smaller one wouldn't - but then some people might prefer a nicer environment to live in rather than the time off.

rozeepozee

I guess it's a matter of personal preference, but I've not worked apart from very minimal hours for the past seven or so years and I'd hate to go back to working full time. I realize that most people don't have the luxury of extended periods of time off (for which I'm very grateful) so much so that perhaps they simply don't have the opportunity to find out just how lovely and liberating it is to have more time to yourself. Having seen both sides, I would choose a smaller salary and more time off any day.

red74

Oh absolutely. I'd much rather be in the position to work part-time (and I don't have a mortgage or a flash car), but just as people have different motivations for why they spend/don't spend, as maslow's demonstrates there are a myriad of reasons as to why people work, and choose the work they do, money being pretty much at the bottom of the list.

EagerLearner

Hi Rozee, interesting blog but the fact you have to sign up to Google prevented me from leaving a comment x

redsquirrel80

red74 wrote: »

A large mortgage may tie you to full-time work when a smaller one wouldn't - but then some people might prefer a nicer environment to live in rather than the time off.

Strangely enough I was pondering this today - I walked past a row of houses I hadn't seen before (not been in the area long), which were huge and lovely with big gardens, 2 or 3 cars in the drive (including the odd vintage model)... and had an attack of jealousy mixed with kicking myself at the thought I will most likely never be able to afford to live somewhere like that. Then I thought, well, maybe I could, ok perhaps not those but somewhere nice. I could push myself really hard for the next few years and get into a well paid job etc etc. But.. the things I really like doing and want to make a career of will never pay that well. My job at the moment isn't that exciting and doesn't offer much chance for development, but it's alright, the people are lovely and the hours are a bit flexible, which is fantastic. I earn enough to live, to keep on top of my bills/ debts and to have a bit of a social life. To earn the sort of money I'd need to buy one of those big houses, I think I'd have to work ridiculous hours in a high pressure job which I wouldn't really enjoy.

Of course I'd love to find a part-time job doing what I want, which paid really well, but realistically that's very unlikely! And given the choice I'd go for the small (rented at the moment) flat, and the relative freedom, instead of stress and a big mortgage. Through having been in debt, and still trying to get myself out of it, I know I can manage on the bare minimum, and I think those principles - of thinking about need rather than want, and of having to use my initiative to get through - will always stay with me and be useful, even if one day I end up on a 'good' salary... or marrying a millionaire! :rotfl:

Gemmzie

Rozee Pozee, I want your job! Seriously. I'd love to pick your brain about how you got there etc if you didn't mind.

I love the psychology behind money too, why people do/don't spend? Why people think it makes them happy etc etc

Bookmarking your blog now

rozeepozee

EagerLearner wrote: »

Hi Rozee, interesting blog but the fact you have to sign up to Google prevented me from leaving a comment x

Well, I don't blame you for that. I'm new to blogging so don't know one type from another. if you can suggest another 'brand' of blog that doesn't require Google sign up, I'll transfer over and you can leave a comment there ;-)

rozeepozee

Gemmzie wrote: »

Rozee Pozee, I want your job! Seriously. I'd love to pick your brain about how you got there etc if you didn't mind.

I love the psychology behind money too, why people do/don't spend? Why people think it makes them happy etc etc

Bookmarking your blog now

Gemmzie, I resigned seven years ago with enough cash to move up north with no mortgage and buy a few investment properties (with mortgages, unfortunately!). I now live on, god knows what, less than £10,000 a year, although all Maslow's catered for . I was miserable as hell at the time due to a combination of reasons such as: working 14 hours a day, high pressure job which made it difficult to sleep at night, stale relationship (and no time to find another one), living far away from family and close friends (and no time to see them), couldn't imagine finding time to start a family of my own, no time to do anything I enjoyed. I could buy anything material I wanted but it didn't compensate for any of the important stuff.

I'm now on a much lower income with a partner I adore and a baby that gives me infinite amounts of joy. I've retrained in an occupation I find interesting but that isn't too challenging, I've travelled, had untold time for personal growth and development and am the happiest I've ever been. I don't have any regrets about the time I spent building my business as it got me where I am today, but it wasn't living!