House buying - location/partner issue.

DJS1988

19lottie82 wrote: »

If you hope that kids are on the horizon in the future, then surely it would be better to go with the area where you get more house for your money? Rather than buy a smaller place and have to move to get more room, further down the line?

Also, don't mean to be a stick in the mud here, but you do know that lenders don't generally accept "borrowed" deposits, right?

For now we really just need a base, so we can have some time together (even if some times it's just going to bed/waking up together), for the next 2/3 years a big house would be a waste and an unecessary expense.

Re the deposit. It's effectively being given to us, loan was the wrong choice of word to use (it just is in my head as in an ideal world I would want to pay it back!).

Izadora

DJS1988 wrote: »

I'd just happily be equidistant so we have the best of both worlds

Or you could just end up without any of the benefits of either...

As someone else suggested, is renting for a while a possibility? At least that way you both get to try an area first and it might help make you realise what areas you're more or less willing to compromise on.

DJS1988

FatVonD wrote: »

Firstly, do you work somewhere really inaccessible because I find it odd that you are both driving into London which has fantastic rail/tube/bus services! Will you be travelling to work in the same car once you live together which would save on petrol? I don't actually mind driving and an extra half hour commute with a travel mug of tea and my own choice in music is not the same as an extra half an hour on a train.

Without wishing to be rude (but probably am about to be ) you don't seem like you are prepared to compromise at all, it's all about what you want which doesn't bode well for the future if you are not even living together yet.

It currently, crazily works out cheaper to drive, park and get the tube. We wouldn't be able to share most days as he starts much earlier than I do. Not able to change my working hours unfortunately.

I really am willing to compromise, I'm not even looking at houses in my local area, I am more than happy to meet (more) than half way.

jackyann

We faced a similar dilemma. Although at retirement the actual issues were different, the principles of one favouring a particular place or type of property were the same. But we had 40+ years of marriage behind us!

We agreed, not to "compromise" but to keep an open mind. We both looked at properties that either of us wanted to consider. We didn't take a stance: we just talked "if we bought this, how would we make our lives work?" We were saying "how much of our savings would be left?" and "how would we travel to see family members / how would we get to each other in an emergency". Your factors are different, but I think you can apply the same principles.

I would try this, without rushing, just get a good feel for what seems important and how it can be factored in at a practical level - and you might be surprised by what turns up!

We are very happy where we ended up.

DJS1988

jackyann wrote: »

We agreed, not to "compromise" but to keep an open mind.

Thank you for this, that sentence has really struck a chord.

DJS1988

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I wouldn't underestimate the pull of family. My ex-wife and I used to commute 40 and 90 miles respectively. I'd drop her off and then carry on.

I got thoroughly fed up with the 180 mile round trip every day and persuaded her to move so we were roughly equidistant from our jobs. The trouble was that it meant her family were then 65 miles away and she missed them terribly.

I'm pretty sure that it was a contributory factor in our subsequent break-up.

He still won't be any more than 20 minutes away, and I don't think this is a huge factor to him. Right now he doesn't spend any time with cousins/aunts/uncles in the week anyway.

His closest family member actually lives over an hour away from where he currently lives, and they still go back and forth to see each other all the time. In fact, my suggestions would actually lessen that.

Nowhere that is being suggested by him or I would mean we are THAT far from our families, of course it would be nice to be just around the corner from his family (would be nice to be a bit further from mine :rotfl: in all honesty!), but for the next 2/3 years we both agree our main focuses are work, which is in London..

FBaby

Re the deposit. It's effectively being given to us, loan was the wrong choice of word to use (it just is in my head as in an ideal world I would want to pay it back!).

Really? I express surprise because you are both very young, have been together for 2 years only, and haven't lived together yet. I have to say that this person is putting a lot of faith in the relationship moving forward.

This issue and somehow the fact that you can't come to an agreement is worth considering as a reason why maybe it is too premature to buy a property together. If your boyfriend is desperate to get on the property ladder, would it be possible that he buys a house on his own (if he can afford the mortgage alone), rent it out, and then you rent somewhere together? It will give you time to reconsider where you want to settle together. He can then sell his property and you can jointly buy something else.

To be honest, however lovely I'm sure you are, if your boyfriend was my son, I would be quite concerned with him buying a joint property when he puts in the full deposit at this stage of your relationship.

DJS1988

FBaby wrote: »

Really? I express surprise because you are both very young, have been together for 2 years only, and haven't lived together yet. I have to say that this person is putting a lot of faith in the relationship moving forward.

This issue and somehow the fact that you can't come to an agreement is worth considering as a reason why maybe it is too premature to buy a property together. If your boyfriend is desperate to get on the property ladder, would it be possible that he buys a house on his own (if he can afford the mortgage alone), rent it out, and then you rent somewhere together? It will give you time to reconsider where you want to settle together. He can then sell his property and you can jointly buy something else.

To be honest, however lovely I'm sure you are, if your boyfriend was my son, I would be quite concerned with him buying a joint property when he puts in the full deposit at this stage of your relationship.

We are 26 and 30. I appreciate you don’t know a person until you’ve lived with them properly (I lived with a previous partner) but neither of us has any qualms about buying together.

He isn’t putting in the whole deposit. We are, as I said fortunate that a close family member of his is able to do this for us. I however, having been saving for a long time and actually have a larger portion of my own money to put in than my partner does at present. We will of course have all necessary paperwork drawn up in relation to this. I’m not here to be taking anyones money, if the worst was to happen!

My partner already owns a house, which he rents out. Renting isn’t something we will be considering, we’re in a fortunate position to be able to buy, and want to buy together.

The location issue is the only problem.

FBaby

The location issue is the only problem.

But clearly a serious sticky point. I am sorry I come across as patronising, it's just that if you read threads back, you will see how many couple bought property together in a happy life and are now asking advice about deposits they put through, selling the house, stuck on mortgages they can't get out off. I was there myself, certain that we would be able to resolve things reasonably if we separated, but when it came to it, it wasn't so straight foward at all. I personally think it is a very risky thing to do to commit to becoming joint owners with someone you've never lived with, but I do accept that not everyone is the same and no one can tell what the future holds.

Unfortunately, I really don't know how you can resolve the issue of location as there doesn't seem to be more compromise to consider, so ultimately, someone will have to agree to one of the most expensive life commitment that doesn't really meet their needs. Is renting really not an option, even for just 6 months if what you want above all is to finally move in together?

DJS1988

It is a serious point, hence me asking others here for advice and/or previous experiences. We will have to come to a compromise eventually, that will happen, it's that or split up as there's no future, which isn't about to happen. Just wanted some unbiased opinions and other trains of thought to my own.

Renting is just not something either of us want to do.