House buying - location/partner issue.

DJS1988

Hi Everyone,

This relates to house-buying but is the emotional side of things so I thought here was most relevant. I wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation and what their experiences and outcomes were?

My partner and I have been together almost two years and are ready to buy our first house in the next few months. We’re in a really fortunate position that a member of his family is able to loan us a sizeable chunk for a deposit (along with our own savings).

We currently live in our family homes, which are 22 miles apart. This equates to a 30 minute drive on the motorway (officially 40 minutes but providing traffic is clear, 30 minutes max – although a NIGHTMARE if there is traffic as it’s really the only route between us). We both work in London, which is closer to where I live, and both drive in.

Where he lives, we would of course get more house for our money, but the commute is a lot longer, and that motorway is the only way to go. The house we buy now won’t be our forever home (and when we do buy this, and have a family, I have made it known I will be more than happy to move further out to be close to his extremely close family).

I have no issues with moving from my area, further out – but I do not want to go the whole way to where he currently lives, whilst we both work in London. Shortening the commute for him, whilst not massively adding to it for me, seems to make sense, which is my biggest point.

Of course other factors come in to it, he does work later than me most nights, so I don’t want to feel alone and isolated and a half hour drive (not far I know but late at night if I visit friends it’s not a nice drive) from my friends/family, and of course in an ideal world I’d love to stay in my area – but money-wise it is not the most sensible thing to do, and of course I want to compromise for my relationship and for him to be happy. As he is used to the drive, he doesn’t see it as an issue, whereas to me an extra half an hour, each way, every day is a big deal.

Exactly half-way between us are quite rough areas, slightly closer to me (we are talking a few minutes difference) are nice areas, yet still in our price range (albeit smaller than where he lives) as they are further out from London, and not close to train stations (not an issues for us). Towards him, there aren’t really any options until you get to where he lives.

I feel I have compromised as far as I can go, for my own happiness at the moment. He seems to be focused on purely the “how much house we can get for our money” aspect, rather than the living day-to-day aspect that I am. In fairness to him he’s not used the “well I’ve got our deposit sorted so I get my way card”, he just thinks none of my points are valid and that cost aspect is the main thing we should look at, whereas I want us to both be happy and no resentment come up once we’ve made such a big commitment.

If anyone has similar experiences or advice, it would be appreciated. It’s got us at loggerheads and is taking away the excitement from what should be a really happy time.

Thanks

FBaby

How about you start looking at houses in all the possible areas and go from there? It could be that you totally fall in love with a house where he is that will make the travel worth getting it, or maybe he will realise that the houses you can get in one of the area closer to you are better than what he had anticipated. I think when you start looking at properties, your initial perspective can change a lot.

DJS1988

FBaby wrote: »

How about you start looking at houses in all the possible areas and go from there? It could be that you totally fall in love with a house where he is that will make the travel worth getting it, or maybe he will realise that the houses you can get in one of the area closer to you are better than what he had anticipated. I think when you start looking at properties, your initial perspective can change a lot.

I have been looking at his area too, (not sure how much he's looked in the mid-way areas I have suggested) to show willing, there are so many lovely houses that would be perfect and amazing prices when I think how much it would cost if I picked it up and plonked it in my area, but I just feel really strongly at this "transitioning" period (whilst we're both still focusing on our careers before we have a family) that it is not the right way to go.

ALI1973

If you are suggesting that you both consider this is just a starter home, then isn't the re-sale value more important than the size/area?

Obviously, it will be your home so you need to love it too, but I would be looking at which area I would be most likely to make the most profit in 5 years time when looking to buy a bigger forever home iyswim?

You say he is extremely close to his family, are you close to yours? would you be likely to make new friends in his area?, would your friends/family visit you in the new area? if, as you say, you would be spending more time in the house alone, then I can see why you would prefer to be nearer your own support network.

I think you need to right a list of pros and cons, and also as suggested by pp, find properties in both areas to go and view, you might surprise yourselves. Good luck

19lottie82

DJS1988 wrote: »

I just feel really strongly at this "transitioning" period (whilst we're both still focusing on our careers before we have a family) that it is not the right way to go.

If you hope that kids are on the horizon in the future, then surely it would be better to go with the area where you get more house for your money? Rather than buy a smaller place and have to move to get more room, further down the line?

Also, don't mean to be a stick in the mud here, but you do know that lenders don't generally accept "borrowed" deposits, right?

FatVonD

Firstly, do you work somewhere really inaccessible because I find it odd that you are both driving into London which has fantastic rail/tube/bus services! Will you be travelling to work in the same car once you live together which would save on petrol? I don't actually mind driving and an extra half hour commute with a travel mug of tea and my own choice in music is not the same as an extra half an hour on a train.

Without wishing to be rude (but probably am about to be ) you don't seem like you are prepared to compromise at all, it's all about what you want which doesn't bode well for the future if you are not even living together yet.

SavingPennies_2

You say he is extremely close to his family, and in my experience this is probably the real pulling factor for him more so than the fact that his area is cheaper, espcially if he has always lived there. Plus it's a member of his family who is loaning some of the deposit money, so maybe there is some pressure to stay local coming from there too. Of course I'm totally reading between the lines but that's just my thoughts.

Personally I wouldnt prioritise an area because its the cheapest, especially as house size is not currently too important, I'd go for the location that is good for you both ( in terms of travel time to work, amenities, safety, distance to friends and family, and how it will hold/increase its value) then choose a house in that location within budget.

burnoutbabe

why not rent somewhere for a bit? Then you don't have to commit to an area, and you get to live together quicker, rather than waiting "for the perfect house"

Gloomendoom

I wouldn't underestimate the pull of family. My ex-wife and I used to commute 40 and 90 miles respectively. I'd drop her off and then carry on.

I got thoroughly fed up with the 180 mile round trip every day and persuaded her to move so we were roughly equidistant from our jobs. The trouble was that it meant her family were then 65 miles away and she missed them terribly.

I'm pretty sure that it was a contributory factor in our subsequent break-up.

millysg1

I don't know if this will help but when me and my OH decided to buy a place we created a priorities list with 3 levels and we compared every house to it. I'm indecisive so found this helped us understand what together we want and matrix to measure it against.
For example, my level 1 priorities are things neither of us would compromise on, e.g. minimum 2 bedrooms, downstairs toilet, garage, price etc

Level 2 were stuff we would slightly compromise on, especially if there was potential to add it on later e.g. driveway, size of garden, kitchen diner, distance from work/family etc

And level 3 were things we would both really like but new it may not be in our price range, e.g. ensuite master bedroom, third bedroom,

But you have to agree it together. then we found it easy to compare every house we saw against this list then if you find a house that still has all of your level 1sm and 2s and is closer to work and within your budget, you may have more leeway.

Im a very logical and methodical person so that might be why it was so helpful for me and may not be for other people.

DJS1988

ALI1973 wrote: »

If you are suggesting that you both consider this is just a starter home, then isn't the re-sale value more important than the size/area?

Obviously, it will be your home so you need to love it too, but I would be looking at which area I would be most likely to make the most profit in 5 years time when looking to buy a bigger forever home iyswim?

You say he is extremely close to his family, are you close to yours? would you be likely to make new friends in his area?, would your friends/family visit you in the new area? if, as you say, you would be spending more time in the house alone, then I can see why you would prefer to be nearer your own support network.

We do, we just seem to have differing opinions on what a starter home is (because of the vast difference in house prices in our local areas!). The areas I have suggested (NOT where I live just to be clear) are going to have a serious tourist injection in the next 2 years so I can only see house prices going up and up (they have been for as long as I can see, but this will have a big effect). Whereas, down his way, obviously there is a slight increase but vastly slower and smaller.

I'm not that close to my family, which is very small. However, I have a very tight friendship group whom I see once a week in the evenings, at least. Due to his business and the hours he gets home, he doesn't see his friends in the week - and hasn't as long as I've known him. I get on with most of his friends now, but they aren't people I'd pop to see if I was home alone and fancied company. My friends wouldn't have a problem coming down to me of a weekend here and there, but in the week an hour round trip is alot to expect of people. I'd just happily be equidistant so we have the best of both worlds