relationship breakup

catoutthebag

Thank you

And becket also seem to correlate over thinking with a conversation date not running smoothly? A) incorrect and presumptuous again b) nothing to do with this thread.

All dates ran pretty smoothly and i'm supposedly an over thinker. Square that off. Actually, don't, it's rhetorical.

Afraid I'll have to ignore further input from that poster.

I am grateful for other contributions and look forward to other responses

VfM4meplse

catoutthebag wrote: »

So when talking about 'judging', I really would exercise caution in the facts you have please for any other posters that need support at more delicate times

A well-made point. Just don't expect the know-alls on this board to take the blindest bit of notice.

Some people surf this board for fun, rather than genuine compassion.

lisa110rry

Catoutofthebag, I have been married for 37 years (to the same man, lol) so I cannot help regarding relationship breakdown, but I would like to share the advice given to me by my GP when my mother died, which you may find helpful.

He told me to go away from my normal environment and take favourite sad music and sad poetry - he even gave me a poem to take with me. He told me to wallow in self-pity and sadness for a while, cry, shout, whatever. He also gave me this very important caution:

"Beware of four month grief". It seems you can feel you are getting over the loss and then, around four months later, it comes back in spades, the sadness, the helplessness. You have suffered a loss akin to bereavement and I wonder whether the sadness you are feeling now is connected to this "four month grief". I can tell you, it will pass.

Don't worry about when the time will be right to be once again "in the market" for a new girlfriend, someone will come along when the time is right. In the meantime, what about joining a walking, running, cycling, swimming, line dancing or indeed morris dancing group (mixed of course). Dancing classes are a real winner as they are often short of chaps in the group.

On another note, you may have noticed that my use of English is a little formal, like yours. This is nothing to be concerned about; indeed it's a pleasure to read good English, though of course it does not give me pleasure to read that you are unhappy.

catoutthebag

I also contribute to a magazine for fun, and was always an A student in English. I can't help but write properly

Beckett expected me to 'blurt' things in order to appear 'normal'?! Not sure how one can achieve this with written prose...oh well!

Thank you for your contribution, Lisa. I'm glad it passed with the passing of your mother. I hope to action some of those suggestions.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

catoutthebag wrote: »

Thank you.

I think it is a wobble and has been up and down for 6 months.

How long after did you meet someone?

Initially I was almost relieved it was over. Things hadnt been great for a bit. I was almost gearing myself up for thr inevitable. It was a shock when it happened but I thought 'I'm a decent guy ilk find someone else'. I was in denial maybe hoping she'd change her mind. Then it hit me j was in tatters. Then I got better and went on 7 different dates (never had sp much interest in me, felt there was hope). Then the last few months again have been up and down almost weekly.

I think it's hard to always focus on thr things that were wrong in the relationship. Things like communication. Things like both people not doing what had to be done to amend things.

I know I'll find someone better. I have hope. I need to enjoy being single and happy wiry myself.

However it's the old 'rose tinted good times' that I can't get passed. Those good times can't be taken away. And that's what's hindering me a little (well a lot).

I think I need to realise yes there were good times, but in the end they were dew and far between and so it wasn't going to last.

I already knew him slightly as part of a circle of friends, but I probably spent about another 6 months just being myself before I realised he was appearing more often when we were out. I was very reluctant to get involved with anybody, despite a few dates, even after I found out he was interested (and despite rather liking him myself :whistle:) but, looking back, I suspect my mates were trying to 'encourage' things, as he'd be invited to things I was doing and his name would crop up in conversations regularly.

He'd split up with his ex at almost exactly the same time as me, by the way, and had done the few dates but not really gone anywhere with them as well. Took about another three months of faffing around and constantly bumping into one another at various things before we started seeing each other, on the quiet for about two months, then publically (to cries of 'I knew there was something going on between those two!' or 'took you long enough, didn't it?' from more than one person).


It's been a very slow moving relationship, no 'I need to find somebody else' urgency, and I think that's why it works so well. Time is all it's taken. And time is all you need.

catoutthebag

Trying to sort laptop with pictures.
I barely got 5 minutes in tonight before breaking down
Why does it have to be so hard
When will it all come together
I need to just compartmentalise all these photos
All thr memories
I don't plan deleting them. They're part of a certain time in my life
I need to go through the hundreds and sort it out or it won't help me move on
Why am I grieving after so long. I just want to move forward

I read lots around it and people say you have to just keep busy and do your own thing and not be the victim or mope around and stuff. I can't get passed it. I feel today as I did at thr start.