Familys - Who needs them!

conradmum

Katie~baby wrote: »

thanks for all your replys guys.

The reason my grandparents dont ask my sister along is because she is hard work, my mum has always gave her her own way and she strops and whines at the drop of a hat and my grandparents find that shes also rude and it rubs off on my daughter who behaves like an angel with them lol.

Tbh my sisters behavouir is a major issue within the family as shes a little !!!!. My mum adores her and she can do no wrong. Take recently for instance when she took my daughter to the park (i can see it from my mums house) and told my daughter to say a swear word, a word that begins with W and ends in R!!!! She told my daughter she could say it so my dd being 6 said it! One of the children told me what happened and i confronted them both, my dd told me the same as the child had told me but my sister denied the whole thing. Id knew she had done it and i told her i wouldnt be mad if she told me the truth but it all escalated and my mum ended up asking me to leave and stop picking on her! ARRGGGHHHHHHH

Well, I think you have your answer there. Your sister needs to be told she can't go on outings because your grandparents don't like her behaviour.
I've found children are very good at knowing who will and who won't accept poor behaviour (don't we all remember the teachers we could run rings around and the ones we would run a mile from? :eek:).
Let your mum strop and argue and moan all she likes. No one else should have to put up with a brat just because she's been silly enough to raise one.
If your sis has an ounce of sense she'll prefer outings where she has to behave to no outings at all. It may take a couple of turning around to take her home when she starts but I'm sure she'll soon learn.
Whether your grandparents are willing to disrupt their nice outings with your daughter to do this is another thing.
Otherwise I don't really know what you can do in this situation. Your mum won't be told and your sister's a brat. Get some ear plugs I guess!:rotfl:

margaretclare

I agree with conradmum. As a grandparent I would inform the parents quite categorically that they are bringing up their daughter to be the worst-behaved little brat in the neighbourhood, on course for her first ASBO and worse. I would be quite open and honest about it, even to the point of bluntness, because some people have the hide of a rhinoceros and you can't get through to them otherwise. I wouldn't want to take 12 yo out at the same time as 6 yo for the reasons clearly stated in Katiebaby's last post, above.

Many 12yo's seem to spend their time delighting in 'putting down' 6 yo and saying 'silly' to everything. You don't need that when you're 6. You're just discovering who you are, and you need your confidence building up in the company of sympathetic people, which is one thing grandparents are normally good at.

I wouldn't take out this badly-behaved 12yo if her mother begged me on bended knee! And it's sad, because it's not too late at 12, but with a mother like that, I doubt it.

Margaret

TheWaltons_3

On the other hand, what chance has the 12 year old got when her Mother, the adult and parent, the person who is supposed to be loving and nurturing her, is teaching her the most disgusting words.

W****r is not just a swear word, it's a filthy word with connotations. Would you like to explain what that word means? A 12 year old should not be using words referring to mens Genitalia.

The Mother should be ashamed of herself.

margaretclare

TheWaltons wrote: »

On the other hand, what chance has the 12 year old got when her Mother, the adult and parent, the person who is supposed to be loving and nurturing her, is teaching her the most disgusting words.

W****r is not just a swear word, it's a filthy word with connotations. Would you like to explain what that word means? A 12 year old should not be using words referring to mens Genitalia.

The Mother should be ashamed of herself.

I totally agree, and it's sad but true, that many of these words are in common use in school playgrounds. I didn't even know such words existed when I was 12, still less when I was 6, but then, it was almost like a different world then. I got another word thrown at me: 'b*s**rd' but that was because my mum was unmarried, and at that time no one bothered about upsetting our basic human rights!

As a grandparent I would have the 12 yo separately and try to 'civilise' her. I wouldn't have the 2 together. For a 12 yo anyway, a visit to the zoo may be 'boooooooring', another favourite word of theirs.

My grandchildren soon learned that there were different rules in our house. You sit at table to eat a meal, you don't eat in front of the television, you wait till everyone else has finished. You can ask for seconds, and even thirds, because, as my grandson once said 'If Granny cooks, she expects it all to get eaten up, she doesn't put it away for another day'. But you must ask politely, say 'please' and 'thank you'. Good heavens, aren't these the simple civilised rules of behaviour that schools are now trying to re-introduce, and that you see on television programmes like 'Honey we're killing the kids'?

Saying 'thank you' appears to have gone out of the window. I recently helped my eldest GD when she moved into a council flat from being homeless. I ordered bedding, towels etc to be delivered to her. I still didn't get a thank you! What I got was 'Fantastic - cool - much appreciated'. Which I suppose amounts to the same thing. GD thinks it's 'cool' that I bought her duvet sets and bedroom curtains in England Rugby colours, but it was what she wanted.

Margaret

buxtonrabbitgreen

Just a thought, but how about when the GP take your DD out you take your sister somwhere. Maybe then she wouldn't feel pushed out and unfairly treated.

Katie~baby

My sister and i dont get along, shes rude gobby and miserable. Ive tried spending time with her on many occasion but she strops if she cant get her own way and doesnt talk unless its about her. Shes also at that annoying stage where she thinks its cool to put on an accent when she talks and it drives me nuts!!

Ive mentioned to my mum on several occassions that she has a cheek to moan about my g.parents supposedly treating the grankids different when she treats me as if im an outsider and my sister as if shes made of gold!

We went out for the day yesterday, big family day out which had been planned for ages. There was loads of us aunts uncles cousins and my mum sis etc. We all went on a water ride and on the way down the kids were all shouting 'bogies' (gotta love dic and dom for that one!!). My dd wanted to go on with my mum and she tells her to shout s*it on the way down. I was mortified and so upset cause i had told her time and time again that she was not to tell my dd to swear! Im at the end of my teather! She doesnt listen! Im thinking of just cutting all contact.

margaretclare

Hi katiebaby

I am not too sure that there is any cast-iron law which states that grandparents must treat their grandchildren exactly alike?

I agree with you - I wouldn't want anyone teaching a young child to use those kind of words. God knows, they pick them up easily enough in the school playground, bring them home, you then explain quietly that those are not nice words, they're not words that we use in this house and that the English language is rich and expressive enough without bringing filth into it. Child then comes back at you with 'oh, granny told me to say that when we were going down the water slide' and you haven't a leg to stand on then.

I'm a bit out of it, I know, but what are the accents that are considered 'cool' nowadays?

If you were to cut all contact, given what you've told us here, I don't think you could be blamed.

Margaret

Outnumberedbysmallpeople

My 4 kids have a 9 year age gap between them (my eldest is nearing 10, middle 2 are 3 & 4 and youngest is 7 months) my parents are mid to late 50s (they were normal age parents, i was very young) and they prefer to do one of 2 things- either take my kids on seperate occasions (as what my eldest is into isn't suitable for the middle 2 and what the middle 2 are into is too babyish for the eldest) or myself or my husband go along and take the baby as well so that everyone gets to do stuff they enjoy. Saying that my eldest is a total angel and will help out with the middle 2 (4 year old is "spirited"- meaning he could do with his bum velcroing to the floor, he's lovely, he's well behaved but very springy) which i suppose proves your point even more so, at age 12 your sister shouldn't be having hissy fits over your 6 year old.

Also i think your mother is wrong, yes she'd have the right to be angry if your grandparents were treating YOU and your sister differently (as you're on the same "level" family wise in that you're both your moms daughters) but they're not, they're treating their great grandchild who is an entirely different generation and of entirely different parenting. I do think it sounds like you need to stand up (hopefully with the backing of your grandparents) and tell her exactly why your sister doesn't get invited places, it sounds like she is already willing to shout at you for things that aren't your fault so it hardly matters if you upset her by telling her the truth as she gets upset and throws you out when you don't!

Your mother needs to accept your grandparents are older, kids are harder work the older you get and they have every right to divide time between them and chose the easiest option for themselves because taking them out if their choice, not their duty. My mil has 9 grandkids and the only time she takes them all out is if parents are willing to go too.

I would not be happy with my mother telling any of mine to swear at all either as it might be ok by her standards but your daughter is your responsibility and only you are judged on how she acts and turns out, if your mother wants your sister to turn out vile then it's her less but don't let her submit your daughter to it.

gollygosh

sounds to me as if you're at a bit of a cross roads with you're relationship with your mother. It's o.k. to stand up for your own values, you obviously love and respect your grandparents and the values they have. Your mum is different and I'm sensing a loss of respect in her parenting skills. When we have children it causes us to look at our own parents differently. You don't need to agree with her to love her. Tell her that you don't want your daughter brought up that way, and make it clear that if she carries on or encourages your sister this way, that access to your daughter will have to be reduced to minimize the damage she's doing. It's going to be tough, and I'm full of admiration for your determination to bring up your dd well.

StartingAgainKayla70

Katie~baby wrote: »

My dd wanted to go on with my mum and she tells her to shout s*it on the way down.

Hi, I have just read this correctly, and I take it you do mean your MUM said to your daughter to shout s*it??

If so I am gobsmacked, I am not surprised your younger sister behaves the way she does when she has a mother like that, I am sorry to seem to be slagging off your mum but has this woman no self respect, does she seem to think its funny teaching young children to swear.

I am by no means an angel with my children but I do know what is right and wrong and what is common sense. If any of my children shouted a bad word in public and they knew what they were doing I would seriously tell them off.

It doesnt look like it will ever be resolved with your mum and sister as your mum is just as bad as your sister and without any support or understanding from your mum your never going to get through to her.

Sorry I cant give any real advice to you, but it looks like you have your head screwed on with regards to how to bring up your daughter and keep at it.

Good luck