Familys - Who needs them!

Katie~baby

I have a 12yo sister and a 6yo daughter. When my sister was younger my grandparents used to take her places and have her over to play but this fizzled out as she got older. Now that i have a little one they do the same with her.

Its been an ongoing issue that when my grandparents do anything with my daughter my sister goes mad and causes trouble so whenever my granparents take my daughter anywhere it has to be kept a secret. On past occassions my mum has not been to my grandparents for months because they didnt take my sister strawberry picking or soemthing simular, even though they offered before and she said she was not interested.

Today it was planned that they would take my daughter to the local zoo for the afternoon. It was kept quiet so as not to cause uproar. They gave my sister £10 (the same as the entrance for my daughter into the zoo). But my sister somehow found out that they went and as expected went mad saying that my grandparents treat them differently.. This could not be further from the truth and they are very fair to both!

My mum said she is not going to talk to my grandparents as she thinks they are out of order. I explained they didnt tell my sister due to the uproar that ensues when they do, i also pointed out that when my sister was little she was taken all of these places and more. In fact she was taken more places as my grandparents had more money then.

My sister sleeps over there every fortnight and she gets pocket money everyweek and i dont go 'mad' about this as shes older and i understand she wouldnt want to go to zoo's or loca forts.

Im sick of everyone treading on eggshells so as not to upset my sister shes got an attitude from hell and i swear my mum hates it because i have a daughter and she thinks all attnetion should be on my sister!

Sorry its so long, my grandparents are in their 70's and dont need this!

*Deep breaths*

Keeping_Positive

12 year old is close to a teenager where "everythings not fair". Its your mum that should have more sense. Dont know what I can say to help except lots of deep breaths and concentrate on your daughter and grandparents.

Good Luck

conradmum

I'm sorry I don't understand why your grandparents don't take your sister on these outings too?

January20

Your sister's attitude is not acceptable, but she won't change because your mum backs her up. I believe your mother is behaving very childishly by not talking to your grandparents.

You can't win. So what about every time you grandparents take your daughter out, they ask your sister along. Then, she can't complain about anything because she is invited along.

If she then carries on behaving like a spoiled brat as she is at the moment you'll have good grounds to confront both her and your mum.

Families hey!

January20

conradmum wrote: »

I'm sorry I don't understand why your grandparents don't take your sister on these outings too?

Yes, but my parents take my brother's children out. My DD doesn't kick up a fuss when they do! It might be too much for the grandparents to take both children out. Or they might want to have special time with their great granddaughter. Also activities for a 6 year old are not the same as activities for a 12 year old.

conradmum

January20 wrote: »

Yes, but my parents take my brother's children out. My DD doesn't kick up a fuss when they do! It might be too much for the grandparents to take both children out. Or they might want to have special time with their great granddaughter. Also activities for a 6 year old are not the same as activities for a 12 year old.

Yes, I'm just wondering because this will have some bearing on how to approach the sister about her behaviour. She may think she's being deliberately sidelined because no one's telling her why she isn't invited. If she's behaved badly then maybe she should be given a chance to do better?

margaretclare

January20 wrote: »

It might be too much for the grandparents to take both children out. Or they might want to have special time with their great granddaughter. Also activities for a 6 year old are not the same as activities for a 12 year old.

I would agree with all of this. 12 yo and 6 yo are, in my experience, 2 different animals, and could end up knocking spots off each other all afternoon and making it impossible and miserable for the grandparents. I would certainly prefer to have the 2 separately.

Margaret

TheWaltons_3

margaretclare wrote: »

I would agree with all of this. 12 yo and 6 yo are, in my experience, 2 different animals, and could end up knocking spots off each other all afternoon and making it impossible and miserable for the grandparents. I would certainly prefer to have the 2 separately.

Margaret

Indeed... at 70 yrs old... why should they have the stress of taking the two of them out? They are doing this out of the love born for Grandchildren, and Great Grandchild.

The 12 year old should have this explained, calmly and fairly by your Mother who is in the wrong in all of this.

January20

TheWaltons wrote: »

The 12 year old should have this explained, calmly and fairly by your Mother who is in the wrong in all of this.

Absolutely and re-reading the OP's post, the grandparents do a lot for her sister: give her pocket money, take her for sleepover at weekends, gave her £10 when they took the OP's daughter to the zoo. And the sister has turned down outings with the grandparents too.

margaretclare

TheWaltons wrote: »

Indeed... at 70 yrs old... why should they have the stress of taking the two of them out? They are doing this out of the love born for Grandchildren, and Great Grandchild.

I agree. DH and I are in our early 70s, we have a lot of experience of dealing with children, gained over the years, and no way would we agree to entertain 2 of them of such differing ages.

The 12 year old should have this explained, calmly and fairly by your Mother who is in the wrong in all of this.

Not sure that the 12 yo will understand even with the best and calmest explanation - they have their own agenda at that age and as someone else said, 'it's not fair' is their frequent cry, as well as 'I don't DO......'(whatever they've decided they won't do). When asked if she's ever going to get up today (on a Sunday) my youngest GD retorted 'I don't DO mornings....'

However, I do agree that it's the mother who is in the wrong. But how to convince her of that will be beyond the wisdom of Solomon.

Margaret

Katie~baby

thanks for all your replys guys.

The reason my grandparents dont ask my sister along is because she is hard work, my mum has always gave her her own way and she strops and whines at the drop of a hat and my grandparents find that shes also rude and it rubs off on my daughter who behaves like an angel with them lol.

Tbh my sisters behavouir is a major issue within the family as shes a little !!!!. My mum adores her and she can do no wrong. Take recently for instance when she took my daughter to the park (i can see it from my mums house) and told my daughter to say a swear word, a word that begins with W and ends in R!!!! She told my daughter she could say it so my dd being 6 said it! One of the children told me what happened and i confronted them both, my dd told me the same as the child had told me but my sister denied the whole thing. Id knew she had done it and i told her i wouldnt be mad if she told me the truth but it all escalated and my mum ended up asking me to leave and stop picking on her! ARRGGGHHHHHHH