Scared to contact my long lost sisters - please help :(

Penny_Watcher

I wonder if the Salvation Army would act as a kind of go between for you. I know they can help trace missing relations, but you've already done that bit.

I know I'd be delighted if I found a half sister was trying to contact me.

andipandi_2

Hi KittyKate, if you want to pm about this you are welcome,iwas adopted in 1962 and found my sister and mother(along with neices nephews and all manner of others) in 1993,personally the whole thing was a mixed bag of emotions for everyone involved,

i rushed in and met my family against the advice of NORCAP who wanted a much slower approach,they were correct in my case as it turned out so i would suggest stepping back and seeking further advice(as you are doing here)

Don't take this as being overly negative but the best way i could sum up my experience was that i later likened it to opening pandora's box

Andy

http://www.norcap.org.uk/

http://www.search-line.co.uk/about.php

http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/beginning-the-adoption-search.html

Errata

I echo Pennywatcher's suggestion about the Salvation Army, they are well used to acting as a go between and the fact that you already have the address will enable them to verify quite quickly that you've tracked down the right people. Why not contact them? You have nothing to lose and perhaps much to gain. Details on their website.

pavlovs_dog

kittykate - i'd rather regret the things that ive done than the things i never did. good luck with it all xxx

TheWaltons_3

KittyKate

This man who said they didn't want contact, could be kying for fear of you opening a real hearty can of Worms. Write. If it goes badly, keep it from Dad.

good luck.

rosieben

pavlovs_dog wrote: »

kittykate - i'd rather regret the things that ive done than the things i never did. good luck with it all xxx

Perfectly stated!

grey_lady

I'd also agree with the salvation army - my grandfather had help from them a couple of years ago in tracing his brother in law and two nieces. All turned out well, although initially there was hard feelings / period of getting used to it at family events (because of relatives who died years ago falling out e.g nothing to do with us) its worked out very well.

dee_mum_of_3

I lost my half brother for 14 years sadly it took a long time to find him ,personally i feel the salvations army request of a £200 donation very expensive and so we found my brother by other means it turned into a mammoth task one address we got for him hed left 2 hours previous!! eventually we did find him it was november the 5th 2005 and i was thrilled to see him hed changed an awful lot but sadly still had some old habits ....he did come to visit me once and i phoned him several times it boiled down to us not really maintaining much of a relationship my brothers not a bad person its just our lives werent ideal as children and he finds family hard!!,i phone him occasionally send him loads of cards at xmas and his birthdays and sadly have to be content with that ,if i could give you advice id write to them but dont expect anything back then you cant get hurt!,good luck xx

taxi97w

I don't want to alarm you, but there is a possibility that your half-sisters think that their adoptive father is their real father, and that is why he doesn't want you to have anything to do with them.
How old were they when he took them on?

KittyKate

taxi97w wrote: »

I don't want to alarm you, but there is a possibility that your half-sisters think that their adoptive father is their real father, and that is why he doesn't want you to have anything to do with them.
How old were they when he took them on?

No, they know my dad is their dad - they wrote letters to him addressed 'dad' for about 10 years, he lost contact when they were around 20 I think.

Thanks so much for all your positive responses guys - I can't contact the salvation Army as they told me they don't get involved in adoption cases (even though they are my sisters).

I'm going to draft up a letter with my OH. I'm terrified not to get a response. But I've sort of decided, if I hear nothing, I'll send a card at xmas just to be sure the original letter wasn't lost, and to let them know I'm still thinking of them. I have no plans to phonecall/visit - I want them to have the option to ignore me if they want (though it hurts) but I've decided that as their 25 year old sister, I am big enough to let them know I'm thinking of them, and I care.