Sharing childcare while one partner works outside the home

AngelOfTheNorth

As you are still physically recovering from the birth, you're going to need your husband to step up and assist with night feeds until you're in better shape. If he's a pilot, surgeon or the like then perhaps not, but otherwise no. Sleep will assist in your recovery and help you feel better sooner. Once you're up to it, you'll be able to take on more of the night duties, though of course you should still get the opportunity for a break at weekends. But two weeks after major surgery and looking after a baby alone for the day whilst still healing, your health needs to be taken into consideration. You certainly shouldn't be the only one dealing with exhaustion simply because your work is being done inside the home rather than outside it. Which is what's going to happen if your partner does no night feeds at all during the week.

Fwiw, we split evenly until I had recovered from the (difficult) birth which was about 6 or 7 weeks postpartum. My husband was off for 4 weeks of this. Then, as I felt up to it, I did as much of the night feeding as I could. Luckily this coincided with the baby only waking up once a night, so I was able to basically take over. Once I went back to work too, we had one weekend lie in each and pro rata'd the wakeups in the week. Our baby was never a particularly good sleeper but not a terrible one either, so it could've been worse. I would be very, very wary of anyone who tells you the night feeds won't last long also. They might, they might not, nobody has any way of telling at this stage!

sooty&sweep

Hi
Whem my two were born & my husband went back to work he'd do the last feed about 11.30 - midnight so that I could get a few hours sleep & I'd do the night feeds.

You have to find a routine that works for both of you.

Jen

Dinah93

With our first my husband would do the 10pm and midnight feeds so I could get about 4 or 5 hours of solid sleep before the 2 or 3am feed. Our second was breastfed and he woke every hour, fed for 20mins, needed about 10mins winding...by the time I fell asleep it was about time to start up again and he did that for weeks. I couldn't nap in the day as I had a 2 year old to stay awake for, but there were certainly days I accidentally fell asleep sat up on the sofa while she watched cbeebies. If you only have the one child if your baby is fed and clean put them down in their cot or strapped into a swing or bouncy chair if they prefer it (mine both had reflux and wouldn't settle flat) and get some sleep. Just because their eyes are open doesn't mean they need anything, they can't climb, presumably your home is secure, close the door to the room so nothing can get into the cot if needed (pets for example) and get some rest. If your baby is a screamer (colic, reflux etc) you will need to try to find a way to settle them if you can, or speak to the gp about medications, for my son it was walks in the buggy, in a sat upright position even from tiny, while my daughter liked the car or being in her swing. Honestly I don't think it's reasonable to share the night feeds if one person is going out to work, they need to be able to concentrate both during the drive and when they're there. We used to have one weekend night off each, so I'd do all the night feeds 6 nights a week and he'd do one night a week. I had a cesarean both times as both were emergency births, very different recoveries - first one I was driving, walking several miles a day, cleaning, everything by 11 days afterwards, second one I had a low grade infection, wasn't diagnosed for 4 weeks, and was still very sore until week 6, but as he was at work and I had to get on with it during the day I found the nights easier, we have a bedside crib so I didn't even need to get out of bed to see to him. It does get easier, when you feel ready try to get to a mum and baby group, you'll see that everyone feels only half human and like getting through the day is almost insurmountable, but my mum friends were my saviour and still are, and it's very reassuring to know you're all in the same boat and you haven't somehow ended up with the baby from hell.

duchy

I didn't realize you'd had a second baby Dinah - belated congratulations to you and NIM.

Jagraf

I see it this way. Both have full time jobs in the day, one looking after the child, the other something different. You are equal by the evening so shared responsibility.

Having said that, When DD was little my ex husband was busy having an affair lol! That took all his energy

I think your OH needs to Re-think as otherwise you will be over tired. It's hard having a baby all day. Much harder, I think, than being out at work x

Imp

Some thought needs to be given to the working parent's sleep needs. When my oldest was born, I had an hour drive into work each day, now I have two hours drive each way. We decided that the life insurance payout if I crashed and killed myself wouldn't make up for the improved sleep my wife would have had. That said, there have been times I haven't been able to focus my eyes while driving to work, or becoming disorientated on the way home and not having any idea where in the country I am. Both these have been as a result of being disturbed in the night by one of the children.

Jagraf

Imp wrote: »

Some thought needs to be given to the working parent's sleep needs. When my oldest was born, I had an hour drive into work each day, now I have two hours drive each way. We decided that the life insurance payout if I crashed and killed myself wouldn't make up for the improved sleep my wife would have had. That said, there have been times I haven't been able to focus my eyes while driving to work, or becoming disorientated on the way home and not having any idea where in the country I am. Both these have been as a result of being disturbed in the night by one of the children.

How tired was your wife

Imp

Jagraf wrote: »

How tired was your wife

Absolutely shattered, but her situation was one in which she was likely to survive the day in that condition.

Jagraf

Imp wrote: »

Absolutely shattered, but her situation was one in which she was likely to survive the day in that condition.

So did it work out for you both in the end? I'm asking because I nearly ad a nervos breakdown looking after my DD full time and found it so much easier being at work. I take my hat off to full time mums I think its the hardest job in the world, much harder than any employment.

Imp

Jagraf wrote: »

So did it work out for you both in the end? I'm asking because I nearly ad a nervos breakdown looking after my DD full time and found it so much easier being at work. I take my hat off to full time mums I think its the hardest job in the world, much harder than any employment.

I get to see the children at weekends!