Sharing childcare while one partner works outside the home

DS4215

The pattern we eventually settled into was I (dad) did the midnight and 6am feeds, while the Mrs did the 3am one. I was working full-time and had to get up for work - although I didn't have to leave until 9ish, so she got a lie-in most days. Perhaps your OH could look into adjusting his hours to help out?

duchy

rp2007 wrote: »

Hi



p.s. when my first baby was about 6 months old my partner agreed to doing everything with the baby for a whole day with no help from me, so from 7am to the last bottle feed at 10.30pm. I think this helped for him to understand just how much has to be done!

I mentioned this earlier up thread too.

I came home from my first Saturday workshift to find an utterly exhausted OH, a very happy little boy and a flat that looked like a bomb had hit it ....and his face when I asked what was for dinner was hysterical - a look of complete horror. :rotfl:

Never again did he moan that the flat wasn't spotless or if dinner was a thrown together affair........and never ever again did he tell me I had the easier option and what did I do with myself all day (incidentally our son was a very low maintenance baby compared to some. I started routines very early -and it helped establish good sleep patterns and at six weeks he started sleeping through from midnight to 6m. Yes I was lucky but the more routine you can build from literally day one the easier it becomes IMO-I demand fed but everything else went to a timetable (and I'm NOT an organized person at ALL lol)

I know it's not easy to get out but try and get yourself to any local post natal groups or in touch with any other new Mums you met at ante natal classes as knowing you are not alone in not finding the early weeks easy is a great help. If you don't have any contacts ask your health visitor .

vroombroom

Pretty much echoing what others said: OH had the standard two weeks off, so I did the nightfeeds. I wouldn't expect him to get up all night, then go to work.
I also did all the cleaning and ironing, he did the cooking!

Even know with our son being almost 4, I do the school drop off/pick ups, all the washing, ironing and cleaning. OH still cooks tea he works in excess of 50 hrs a week, I work around 30 between two jobs so wouldn't expect him to come home to a messy house x

Nixxx

I had an emergency csection with twins. When OH went back to work, i did all the night feeds etc (they settled easier with me). I could barely walk up and down the stairs but you find a way. I had everything i needed downstairs so didn't need to move about so much.
I think its still early days for you and it is scary but your confidence will grow. I made sure someone came to visit me nearly everyday for the first few weeks after OH went back to work so totally understand how daunting it is. You will be ok, have confidence in your self.

gayleygoo

the early weeks with a newborn are tough, and if you are getting up every hour or two in the night to feed the baby, i think it is understandable that you want some help. I wouldn't expect him to equally share night feeds when he has work the next day, but if he could do the last one before bed, or morning feeds before he goes to work, then that could help you get some rest and would also be some nice bonding time with his child. I breastfed our children, so OH sharing feeding duty wasn't an option anyway. There are lots of other ways your OH could share the family responsibilities while you are on maternity leave.

don't worry too much about the housework for the next few weeks, and try to get some rest during the day. Is there anyone who could take your baby out for an hour or two so you can nap? recovering from a c-section is hard too, perhaps your OH could make dinner a couple of nights a week, help out with washing etc? or at least take over baby care when he gets in from work, or later in the evening so you can get some rest or sleep.

It can be difficult to establish any sort of routine in the first month or so, but just trying to have some quiet time at regular times during the day may help your baby learn to nap later on. A baby who doesn't get enough sleep during the day may end up over tired and not sleep well at night either.

And don't worry, you are doing great and you'll be absolutely fine when OH goes back to work it takes time to figure out the parenting thing, so take it easy and enjoy your new family!

Threebabes

We took turns which I was very grateful for. When they were up twice a night we each took a feed. When it was once a night we took alternative nights. We were both still exhausted. Went back to work with the first one when he was 16 weeks old.

Could you do the work nights and on days off hubby take over?

haras_nosirrah

myself and hubby got into quite a good routine

I used to feed baby at 8pm and then go to bed

hubby would stay up or doze on the sofa till about midnight and give baby that feed

I would then get up at 4am and do the early morning feed

meant I got a good amount of sleep and could physically function and fortunately our son settled into a good feeding routine and the 12:00 feed was expressed milk.

mr_knight

Time I was on the pg thread with you.

Have you spoken to your mw or dr about finding it a bit scary. It's really a tough time. Having a cs is tough and I am now 8 weeks post section and just feeling ok (have been back in hospital twice though, once me and once baby.) I remember him screaming in the night and wouldn't stop and the pain of getting in and out of bed to settle him was agony. It does get easier and you learn to live on less sleep.

My oh is at work and I do all the feeds in the night. This afternoon I did go to sleep with my three year old and the baby (he was up from 3-5am and then 7). He only slept for twenty minutes. I did stay in bed and read snuggled with my daughter,whilst she slept, so I managed to rest. I am now going to bed at 8 or 9 so I get a couple of hours before his next feed. That is how I will survive. I couldn't expect my hubby to do that because he is at work but the weekends he does help and he also gets up with our daughter and takes her to nursery so I can relax and not rush in a morning.


I would find a way of things working for you. Like others have said go to bed early and let him do the late feed or see if he will get up earlier and do the morning feed. It's not long until they settle a bit and you get a routine. Even if you are ebf you could express a bottle.

It's hard to be positive at 3am when you are up for the 17 the time but remember each time you are up it's a chance for more cuddles and to look at your beautiful baby (ok it's doesn't work all the time but sometimes it does)

I also have a really good book at all times on my kindle app to read in the night.

Hope you are ok.

Gigglepig

I think your OH sounds old fashioned and not very cooperative.

Personally I found it very helpful that OH would pick up, do the change and bring me the baby at times, so I did no always need to get up during night feeds (breastfeeding) - i found it hard to go back asleep quick once I had been up and about.

Also even if he has work he might be able to do changes say tuesday night and fri/sat night -that way he only has 1 sleep deprived nigtt before work and you don't turn into a zombie. Most people are ok with lack of sleep one night, but not nigt after night after night.


Have you suggested to your OH that if he wants to be that way he can take the last 6 monts of the maternity leave while you return to work to further your career. Oh and he can and decide whether he wants to do 100% childcare on Saturday or Sunday, since you both do 5 days at work each.
Eta - if you want a trial run/give him a taste of his own medicine perhaps he should book a few weeks parental leave now and do 100% of the care for a few weeks - i would be extremely surprised if he wasn't a lot more supportive after trying to do it all by himself 24/7 for a while. You can get some rest or do KIT days for work...

liney

My DH used to do Friday night so that I got one good sleep. On the other nights he would do the bath and bed at 7pm. We would do a dream feed at 10pm, and then i'd wake for the night feed at 3.30am.

If you are staying at home, then i'd say it really does become your 'job,' although you should get a break at the weekend.