Vent: Busybodies, insensitive!

DKLS

Had these types of comments many times over the years, especially when I got married and for the next two years we had the "children would be the making of you two" and "you haven't lived if you havent had kids".

My wife put a stop to all of those comments at a family do when she explained that if she was pregnant it would be the immaculate conception as I had the snip.

philatio

People with kids think kids are amazing and cannot comprehend people who don't have kids.
Just ignore them.

daytona0

AFiancee wrote: »

Correct - I am a woman, and yes the risk is due to me, as for the possibly dying, my sister was born with the same condition and only lived for 2 months.


I do know that 10% chance means there is a 90% chance of a healthy baby, that is why I have not ruled it out completely, but 10% is also quite significant and at the minute its a risk my husband and I aren't ready for.


The decision is mine and my husbands alone, I wish other people would just stop asking about children, especially people that have been told, I don't mind people talking about babies and children, I do mind when they keep asking me despite knowing my reasons - but maybe they did forget.


If she mentions it again I might talk to away from the others and remind her, otherwise just let it go.


Thanks for your input

Not many people would respond so politely to one of my comments! I wish you all the best of luck in the future with whatever you and your partner choose to do.

LilElvis

AFiancee wrote: »

I got married over 2 years ago, so everyone keeps asking when I am having children.


The answer is that I am probably not as due to a medical issue there is up to a 10% chance of the child being born with a serious illness and possibly dying. I do however love children but just not prepared to take a chance at the minute, who knows what the future brings though - I am also not ruling it out completely.


I have told a few people in work this and today one of them started on at lunchtime about how I should have babies, and how a family and a home isn't complete without them etc. I had to leave the table as I couldn't listen to it without feeling like crying!


Do some people not realise that not everyone can actually have children, or have made the difficult decision not too when they would love a child. I have been upset about it all afternoon, I don't mind as much when its just general conversation or its someone I haven't told about the risks, but when its someone I have told, its even more upsetting

Depending on the nature of the condition there are IVF techniques which can be used to check embryos so that only those free of the genetic defect are transferred. Some CCGs will fund this treatment on the NHS. This might be something you could explore further if you feel that the risks are too high of passing on the condition.

Faith177

Op cannot sympathise enough with you

We are in a similar position OH has been told 70-85% chance he can't have children. We have only been married just under 2 years but been together just over 6.

Up until 2014 we had lived apart due to his work for 2 years so want to spend some quality time just us until we even thing of trying. Even then we want to try for a year before going down the IVF route

However despite all of this everyone is on our case about children ESPECIALLY my MIL who I hasten to add was in the room when OH was told his chances as he was only 16 at the time :mad:

Everytime someone new at work or one of our friends announces their expecting we get the "Ohhhh you two next" each time i feel like bursting into tears or smacking them silly

Pollycat

AFiancee wrote: »

I have told a few people in work this and today one of them started on at lunchtime about how I should have babies,

Do I read this right?

This woman actually knows that there is a chance that you won't give birth to a healthy baby?

And she still says this?

Your later post appears to say that yes, she does know.

AFiancee wrote: »

The decision is mine and my husbands alone, I wish other people would just stop asking about children, especially people that have been told, I don't mind people talking about babies and children, I do mind when they keep asking me despite knowing my reasons - but maybe they did forget.

If she mentions it again I might talk to away from the others and remind her, otherwise just let it go.

Thanks for your input

I would talk to her now.
I wouldn't wait to give her another chance to upset you when her gob runs away with her.

I would tell her that you find her talk very upsetting given that she is aware of your situation and you expect her to keep her opinions about any future family you may have to herself as you find it very distressing.

But then again - I don't tend to take any prisoners.

And I'd tell her that this is a load of tosh.

AFiancee wrote: »

and how a family and a home isn't complete without them etc.

That's just her opinion.
Lots of women wouldn't agree with her.

cavework

philatio wrote: »

People with kids think kids are amazing and cannot comprehend people who don't have kids.
Just ignore them.

I have 2 big 6ft grown up kids who have left home, sometimes they are amazing and lots of times they are a PIA..
FYI
I can fully comprehend people who chose not to have kids and TBH have never even thought about the lack of mini-me's when making friends or working with people .
Never tried to discover why they have not reproduced yet..
why the heck would I?
You have made a generalisation about 'people with kids' on a thread that is complaining about the generalisation applied to people who do not have kids?
Pot , kettle , black
xx

engineer_amy

Approaching 30, im childless by choice, and have no plans to have children. But yet plenty of people feel the need to pass remark on this, asking when im going to get pregnant, better do it before its too late, is the body clock ticking etc.

Usually i just reply with a firm no, im not the maternal type or suchlike.

However i was floored by a comment from a very close friend. While having a bottle or two of wine one night, we were discussing kids and she said "i cant believe you dont want kids, you arent a complete person until you have kids". I couldnt believe how insensitive that comment was.

Ultimately its your choice what you do with your uterus

Johnandabby

Morglin wrote: »

Congrats on the pregnancy! :beer:

Lin

Thanks!

The ironic thing is that the same people who said that life wasn't complete without children are now relishing in telling us about all of the hard work that goes with raising a child! We haven't yet had a cup of tea with anyone that hasn't recounted stories of sleepless nights, dirty nappies etc - but very little positive!

An idiot is an idiot, and you have to just ignore them whatever they say!

Laz123

philatio wrote: »

People with kids think kids are amazing and cannot comprehend people who don't have kids.
Just ignore them.

I try and ignore my kids but they won't have it.