Am I Being Unreasonable?

Bella73

I'm a bit like you, I don't mind others having dogs, visiting them etc I will happily play with them but I do not want and will not have a dog.

My hubby was desperate for one for a while, we got a cat who we both dote on as we BOTH wanted her, she is part of our family and we both look after her in all aspects.

I find it rather laughable that such adult "children" are being considered in this decision or are they really planning in staying with you for the next 15 years!! If they are that desperate I suggest they look for a place of their own and get a dog.

Dogs need love and care from all the family, I was honest I said I would not be prepared to walk it in all weathers as I believe that they need to be taken out twice a day and I know it is right but I can't poop scoop either! I will deal with our cats litter tray in the privacy of my own home but that's as far as it goes.

In your shoes I would stick to your guns and say no. Maybe when your husband retires and has the time to look after an older rescue dog?

jen1301

Don't get a dog.

The poor thing would wonder what it had done wrong to be treated in the ways you describe.

Rev

If I were you I wouldn't get a dog.

You've already said you know you'll be responsible for it in the end, training a dog to be well behaved takes years of consistency. And it doesnt sound like you could be bothered (I dont mean that in a nagative way, not everyone wants a dog and shouldn't have to have to to make others happy).

I couldn't imagine not letting my dog on the sofa with me, mine aren't allowed upstairs because the cats don't take kindly to that but besides that they sleep where they want and go where they want.

And you could spend months training this dog to go to its basket when you eat only for another family member to let it sit next to them one meal time whilst you're out and those months have training will have been for naught. Same with not getting on the sofa or going upstairs etc.

What if you get a dog that develops anxiety issues and wont settle at night unless it's in the bedroom? Or you're downstairs? Will it be allowed upstairs then?

What happens when the family decide they want a day trip, or a holiday? Are they prepared for the shockingly expensive kennel costs? Or to limit trips to places that allow dogs? What about days out? Will the children/husband be happy to leave something they're enjoying to get home because the dog can't be left for hours on end alone?

As above, are they happy to be trudging out in below zero temperatures or sheet rain to walk the dog?

Also, to be honest if a dog isn't going to be loved by every member of the family, it's not fair on the dog. And it's not fair on you to have to put up with what will essentially be another child for the next 10/20 years ( I've had two dogs, both lived till they were 19 and 20, I hope the ones I have now get there too!) when you don't really want to. Only it will never 'grow up' it will need you to do everything for it for its entire life. Feed, water, exercise, toilet, care through illness etc. And unless that's a commitment you're 100% happy to make, it's not fair on anyone for you to make it.

Whilst I couldn't imagine not having a dog I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. If you don't want a dog. You shouldn't be forced into having one.

Nebulous2

tesuhoha wrote: »

Dog is properly house trained and trained in general to walk at heel, sit, not to beg, not to jump up, not to run off, not to bite, not to chew furniture etc.

Dogs are remarkably easy to train, just like children, when they belong to someone else!

When you get your own one it always turns out a bit more complicated than you think.

This single statement above is a bit like saying. "I'll only have children if you promise me they'll all get university degrees and a salary of at least £100,000 a year."

Homeownertobe

I can't see your marriage surviving if you got a dog. To take on a new member of the family and essentially banish it straight away is cruel. I wouldn't be surprised if your husband and children lose incredible amounts of respect for you.

anotheruser

Get a cat.
They are less stupid and more independent.

You;ve already made the decision that you don't want a dog (hence inventing really bad "rules"), so post number 2 has the best advice.

Bravo_Zulu

Don't get a dog. I have one and it took two years for him to grow into a non-chewing thing and that was with puppy school, endless walks etc. My (now ex) partner wanted their own dog but I didn't think she'd put the time and effort in to training it. She got the dog anyway and then did nothing with it. So we ended up with an anxious, untrained, nightmare of a dog - which is exactly what I'd predicted.

Don't get a dog.

Johnny_Dangerously

I think I'd agree with the other saying not to get one. It sounds like you've had a dog before, and aren't against them, but it definitely sounds like you are really compromising to allow one.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the boundaries you are setting, but there aren't any guarantees it will work out that way.

Ultimately, when you take a dog on, you need to be prepared to adapt your life for a while to do what's needed to ensure it is well balanced. Without the willingness to be flexible, it could mean you all have an unhappy experience.

By the way, I actually think you sound like you would actually be a good owner. You are seriously thinking through the practicalities, and thinking through what it will mean to your household rather than making an emotional decision. But if you aren't getting the warm fuzzies, don't do it. It's kinder to not have a dog at all than to have to put one through re-homing.

Well done for an honest post.

catkins

I too don't think you should get a dog. I think your rules are pretty ok - my dogs are allowed on the settees but are not allowed upstairs (have a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs). I know plenty of people whose dogs are not allowed on the settees and it is easy enough to train.


Me and OH have had dogs all our married life (over 30 years) and I couldn't imagine being without one BUT they do restrict your life. If we want to go out for more than 4 hours we have to arrange for someone to come round, check on the dogs, let them in the garden, have a play with them etc. Holidays mean they go to a dog boarder (neither of us like kennels) and that costs a minimum of £20 per day per dog which works out quite expensive. If you want to holiday with your dog you will find probably the majority of holiday lets, B&B's, hotels etc don't allow dogs or want to charge extra for them. Travelodge used to take dogs for free but they now charge £20 PER dog per night which is ridiculous. I got a cheap room for £19 a night for me and OH and then had to pay another £20 for the dog!


I love walking my dogs but it's not that much fun in the winter getting back with you and the dog looking like you have just stepped out of the shower and then having to deal with getting yourself dry and into different clothes and dealing with a soaked dog that wants to shake itself in the house to dry!


I would also add that some dogs are just much much more difficult to train than others. With other 13 dogs of the same breed (most rescues) I thought I was pretty good at training them to be clean in the house, walk nicely on a lead etc. The two dogs I have now is one who is almost 3 years old (got him at 9 weeks) and was housetrained in 3 days, walks nicely, is well behaved, has never chewed anything he shouldn't, has learned sit, down, over, shake paws, high5.


The second dog will be 2 in May. We got him at 7 months as a rescue and he had already had 4 homes. He wasn't house trained and it took probably 2 months to teach him (he still has the occasional accident although thankfully it is rare). He chews absolutely everything in sight. He has chewed furniture, destroyed quite a few of my house plants, chewed the tv remote, my mobile phone etc etc (the list is very long!). You cannot leave anything for even a second or he will have it and destroy it.


I still haven't managed to train him to walk nicely on a lead and think I am going to have to pay for a trainer to come out to us. I did take him to classes (which I have never done with any other dog) and in the end they told me I was wasting my time. I haven't managed to teach him anything, not even to sit.


If I want to nip to the loo or make myself a cup of tea I have to put him in his crate (which he hates) as he will howl, throw himself at the baby gate (our stairs go off our living room) and often knock the gate down or destroy or chew something.


To be totally honest he drives me mad although I wouldn't get rid of him. A year down the line and the only thing that has improved with his behaviour is that he is, on the whole, housetrained.


I would suggest to your husband that he looks at "borrow my doggy"

arbrighton

We've got a dog now, just coming up to 9 months old. She's a miniature poodle so nowhere near as big or heavy as a lab could be. She's my first dog but OH has had dogs before as a child/ teenager.

She eats in the kitchen or utility room but currently isn't happy sleeping in there as we have some separation anxiety issues. She was being happy left for a couple of hours but currently isn't.

Fortunately she's been fairly easy to toilet train, sit, come back etc but is having a rebellious teenage phase just now, although I believe it is minor in relation to some stories I've heard.

She knows that she isn't to come upstairs unless we take her up there, beds are completely out of bounds and sofa is only on our lap.

However, if we were both working, we wouldn't have a dog, it isn't fair. And she does actually need quite a bit of entertainment during the day, letting out for the toilet etc. So I do most of the walks (hail, thunder and lightning on christmas day) and day to day stuff like vets etc. If he is out at work, he won't be doing the training, walking or cleaning up after it for the most part.

Your adult children don't have a say in it either, as you say, they could leave at any point, and chances are they'll only be there for the dog in the good bits, when it's being cute or wants a cuddle as a puppy.

Does hubby realise that a larger breed like a lab won't be able to run/ do bike rides until it is well over a year old?

I don't think you should get a dog.