Am I Being Unreasonable?

tesuhoha

Before I start I'd like to say whilst not a dog lover I do not dislike dogs. I watch tv programmes about dog rescues, and I watched the programme about the puppies last week. I watch You Tube programmes about funny animals. I often come on here to look at the photos and read the stories.

However, the reason we watch all these programmes is that my husband is desperate for a dog. He says our 'kids' who live at home (aged 25 and 28) are desperate for one too but I think my daughter would quite like a cute puppy but she is not that bothered. My son is very keen I must say but either of them could leave home at anytime.

As my husband works, I would be the one faced with the major care and training of the dog. Now my husband has brow beaten me about this for 13 years since the last disaster. I have always said no to a dog shock/horror, totally against the idea but just recently it has occurred to me that his entire happiness seems to rest on having a pet. He is so determined and passionate about it. I have suggested a cat because I prefer them but that is not enough. He wants something to go with him on bike rides and trips to the beach. He has always brought our son and daughter in on the argument so its three against one and I am also left feeling like the mean one. It is about time that I am generous about something though.

Although he says that he would be the one to train and care for the dog I don't really buy that. However, I have finally relented in that I have told him that if he builds the garage extension he can have his dog. I have also laid down a lot of ground rules because I feel that my life will be ruined otherwise as it was before.

To explain this - our house is like a building site, especially the living room. The place is full of trip hazards, tools etc. Although some of the house is like this we have a new dining room with solid oak floors and a new kitchen, both of which are quite small. When I asked him where the dog would sleep he said the hall. Now if you could see our hall you would know how impossible this would be. The area at the bottom of the stairs is so small that the dog would both be trodden on by people coming down the stairs and rammed by the opening front door. The hallway itself is so narrow that we cannot comfortably put anything against the wall without having to squeeze past it. On top of this, he wants a Labrador.

The garage extension was supposed to be done years ago but my husband has left it till now. The garage was supposed to be built up and around so that it is an internal room and part of it would become a spacious utility room with lighting, central heating and a tiled floor. If my husband did this (he is in the building trade) then the rest of the house could be tidied up.

I've said to him that if he does this work then a dog bed could be put out there and the dog could eat out there. I think if my rules are followed so that the dog doesn't take over then I will be fond of it but if it is allowed to run wild then I won't be.

The rules I have laid down are as follows and my husband agrees that the dog should know its place.

Dog sleeps in its bed in the utility room, dog eats its food out there.

Dog is allowed to sleep on the rug in front of the gas fire (at present buried in building materials) in the living room but not on the soft furnishings.

Dog is not allowed upstairs at all (husband wants it allowed upstairs but not on the beds, I don't think that is doable).

Dog goes out to its bed when we eat at the table or have guests that do not like dogs.

Dog is properly house trained and trained in general to walk at heel, sit, not to beg, not to jump up, not to run off, not to bite, not to chew furniture etc.

Dog is walked regularly. I would take it for a walk during the daytime but they can do nights.

If all this is kept to then I think I would be pretty okay about keeping a dog. However, my son says that all these rules would take the fun out of owning a dog and there is no point in getting one. I said to him he had better decide what he wants because I can take it or leave it. My husband while agreeing with me is a bit soft and is starting to waver. My son did come back a while later and asked how he could help with building the garage.

So maybe I'm just a heartless monster who shouldn't own a dog but I feel that a trained dog who knows its place would be a happier dog, especially as I would like it.

If we have an out of control animal then I just couldn't cope with it and it wouldn't be fair on the dog. By the way, I would overlook puppy naughtiness as the dog was being trained but would expect the adult dog to be good. I need that for the sake of my sanity. I would take the puppy to dog training classes. I am ok with Labradors as we had a family one when I was a child. The garage could be in place by the autumn of this year.

I am sure your replies are going to be please do not get a dog, you are unsuitable but I would give the dog a good life and the best food and medical treatment, also lots of fun and affection, it would just have to know how to behave. I wouldn't want a soft lap dog.

When we had a Labrador when I was a child the dog was brought up very strictly. He wasn't allowed on furniture or upstairs. He had to sleep in his own bed. That dog would die rather than dirty the floor and if he farted he used to get up and leave the room before any of us said anything! My dad was a forester so the dog was trained as a gun dog and would retrieve wild birds and drop them at my dad's feet.

wiogs

It won't work out the way you would like it to.

Don't get a dog.

mumps

My husband and kids persuaded me to have a dog. I did all the walking after the first couple of years, I did all the feeding, all the vets visits. Broke my heart when she died but I will not be talked into it again.

Have you talked about holidays, I was promised she would go to kennels and holidays not a problem. She went twice and husband didn't like it so we went over ten years without a holiday.

Good luck.

Misty_Blue

You shouldn't get a dog unless everyone in the family is 100% sure about it. It's not fair for you to be under constant pressure about it, and it won't be fair to any dog you get. It bodes very ill for me when you say your son believes that what you are describing (basically a well trained dog) would "take all the fun out of it"!

There was a thread not too long ago on here by a lady who let her husband talk her into getting a dog she didn't really want. He was full of promises about it. What she ended up with was a totally untrained, frustrated, bored, destructive dog because the husband lost interest as soon as it required him to make a bit of effort. She was in tears about it because she couldn't cope any longer, and the dog was probably even more miserable, poor thing.

Dogs are not much work once trained and integrated into the household, but they are often a huge amount of work to get to that stage. If your husband is so keen to have a companion for walks and bike rides, how about he volunteers with a rescue centre or the Cinnamon Trust?

valk_scot

Well, I would stick to your guns about getting the house ready first. Chances are that will never happen by the sound of it and then they can't say it's your fault they never got their dog. And in the unlikely chance they do the work and the dog appears then at least you got something out of it.


As to the rest of it that's up to you to stand firm and not let them shirk on their side, not even once. Stick your T&Cs up on the kitchen notice board and get them to read and sign it, preferably in blood!

krlyr

How willing are you to compromise on your rules if the dog needs it. For example, a puppy often benefits from being up in the bedroom for a while during housetraining, so you can see if it wakes up in the night needing the. An ill dog might have accidents inside even when housetrained, a dog with a fear of fireworks may need to sleep in the main part of the house rather than out in a utility room to settle better, and so on.

Having rules is fine - we don't let our dogs on the sofas or beds, for example - but they may need to be altered or relaxed at times. We decided when we moved that we wanted the dogs to stay out of the newly decorated lounge when left home alone, but one of them developed separation anxiety and was much happier given freeroam of downstairs so we had to make the compromise (and accept that the white walls wouldn't stay white for long!)

elsien

Dog sleeps in its bed in the utility room, dog eats its food out there. Where is the utility room in regards to the rest of the house? Just asking because although mine sleeps in a crate downstairs, I need to be able to hear him so that he can woof and let me know if there's a problem. Such as when he's got the runs at 5 am like he did this morning

Dog is allowed to sleep on the rug in front of the gas fire (at present buried in building materials) in the living room but not on the soft furnishings.Sounds ok to me, gitdog in theory not allowed on furniture, however there's been a bit of rule shift over time and he does sneak on my lap. Not allowed up unless on my lap though.

Dog is not allowed upstairs at all (husband wants it allowed upstairs but not on the beds, I don't think that is doable). It is doable with training but I have a baby gate on the stairs and he only comes up when I'm up there during the day. However the last dog was a nightmare unless she could sleep in the bedroom due to her anxieties.

Dog goes out to its bed when we eat at the table or have guests that do not like dogs. Sound ok, I do the same with Gitdog

Dog is properly house trained and trained in general to walk at heel, sit, not to beg, not to jump up, not to run off, not to bite, not to chew furniture etc.Lovely in theory. Who gets to implement all this training, take it to puppy classes and deal with it being a !!!! while it learns?
Dog is walked regularly. I would take it for a walk during the daytime but they can do nights. Par for the course.

My brother has similar rules to yours, it works fine for them and it doesn't spoil the fun. Theirs is a gundog that was rehomed by the gamekeeper at 9 months due to being scared of guns. So it is possible, although when they got him the hard training work had already been done.
I think what you need to consider though is what happens if the rules don't work, or the rest of the family start ignoring them. Outdoor trained gundog is a bit different to a cute puppy in a house where some family members are only paying lip service to what you want. Or you end up with a dog that's a PITA to train and pushes every button going. You need a lot of tolerance for that, so if you're not over keen to start with then that may become an issue.
I'm not saying do it or don't do it. I'm saying think through every possibility as a family because if you're a responsible owner you're lumbered with whatever you get and have to get on with it. However hard it can be at times, when your best handbag has been demolished, there's wee and sick on the floor and the wallpaper has mysteriously vanished off the walls. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Person_one

See, this is why I don't date people who don't like/have dogs. Its a fundamental incompatibility, and there's really no way round it!

You shouldn't get a dog, everybody in the house needs to be completely and fully on board. A dog shouldn't be living in a family where some of the members only just tolerate its presence.

Dogs are animals, not robots, and training is never entirely straightforward there are always surprises and setbacks and blips and the need for some flexibility to account for the individual animal's quirks and needs. You'll probably never be entirely happy with the dog around.

Maybe your husband should go and volunteer at a rescue, or he could join 'borrow my doggy' to walk/dogsit other people's dogs without the responsibility and the burden on you.

sheramber

Are you prepared for the months of training- maybe a couple of years -before your puppy matures into that well trained dog?

it is all doable but not a quick fix.

You get out of a dog what you put in and all members of the household need to be signing from the same hymn sheet. If one member has different ideas and rules you will end up with a confused dog.

What happens if the other members of the family opt out and you are left holding the lead?

You know your family and whether you can rely on them to stick to what they agree to for 12-15 years.

Will they walk the dog in the dark and in all weathers-pouring rain, sleet or snow?

Will they accept it if they can't do things or go places because the dog can only be left alone for a few hours.

What will happen for days out or holidays? Kennels need to be researched in advance and booked early. They also have to budgeted for.

You don't sound convinced that they will and , in that case , I would say no.

If you are prepared to go ahead with getting a dog i would not say they can have one when the building work is finished. I would say I will consider it when the building work is finished. Things may have changed by then and you don't want to be held to something that is no longer is suitable.

balletshoes

i feel for you OP, and I think you know already that you'd be the one left to train, feed, walk and discipline the dog.
My OH and DD would love a dog, but its not happening, as I would be the one who'd have to do all the work, and they both know realistically they wouldn't do it.

Mojisola

tesuhoha wrote: »

Before I start I'd like to say whilst not a dog lover I do not dislike dogs.

As my husband works, I would be the one faced with the major care and training of the dog. Now my husband has brow beaten me about this for 13 years since the last disaster.

Please don't get a dog.

Dogs need to be well-trained and well-behaved but they also need to be part of the family. You know you will end up doing most of the care but you don't really want a dog - being brow-beaten into getting one is not the same as wanting the companionship of a living creature.