Child In Need Meeting worried

[Deleted User]

I had a similiar (but more serious) situation when I got very depressed. I had one child with ASD, and the school weren't prepared to help him at all, and I was blamed for making him 'more aspergic'.

The first meeting was awful, but once they heard me talking, they could see I was depressed, did need some support (my younger son was given 2 days in nursery) but was a very capable, caring parent who was just having to cope with too much (no sleep) they were very good. Any mention of my children being at risk was soon dropped (which is what the school proposed because it gave them an excuse as to why my older son wasn't doing so well at school, when in actual fact it was because they weren't prepared to change things so his special needs were met).

I'd advise you to be open, able to take suggestions they may have on board, tell them what you do with your kids to overcome any challenges at home, but explain why you think things aren't going so well at school.

Even with how things were presented by the school, there was never any mention of my children being taken away.

The soiling at school may be happening because school is stressful. My younger son has some problems with this, although he always seems to be perfectly happy, I usually discover there's something stressing him. It is likely that my younger son has ASD although I am having problems getting him assessed (no assessment services in this area) so he could be getting overstimulated in a way a non asd child wouldn't.

So I would be wondering, in your situation, if there is some underlying factor like ASD that causes your son to react to stresses other people just can't see. I'm not saying your son has ASD of course, but there could be something causing him to get stressed in situations other children wouldn't.

Of course a school will want to rule out that there is something going on at home that is causing stress. Its 'easier' than it being something at school (sorry to be cynical).

But this whole situation can work out to your family's benefit, so try not to worry too much.

squirrelchops

We still haven't heard from Croyland regarding what the Social Worker's assessment recommended. You cant just commence child in need meetings without an assessment having been completed.

croyland87

squirrelchops wrote: »

We still haven't heard from Croyland regarding what the Social Worker's assessment recommended. You cant just commence child in need meetings without an assessment having been completed.

Yes the Core Assessment was done and the social worker has said that we need to do a child in need assessment because the school are having problems with my child and have said to the social worker that parents are doing something wrong at home which results in his behavior. I know that the school are struggling to take care of my child and are blaming it all on me and getting there self out of it. I asked the social worker and he said that we will make someone stay in your house for meal times,going out shopping, and bathing and asses what is going on at home.

How long are child in need assessments set for weeks or months?

silvercar

croyland87 wrote: »

Yes the Core Assessment was done and the social worker has said that we need to do a child in need assessment because the school are having problems with my child and have said to the social worker that parents are doing something wrong at home which results in his behavior. I know that the school are struggling to take care of my child and are blaming it all on me and getting there self out of it. I asked the social worker and he said that we will make someone stay in your house for meal times,going out shopping, and bathing and asses what is going on at home.

How long are child in need assessments set for weeks or months?

Do you feel that is right? Are there issues at home that you feel you could do with some help in devising strategies to help cope?

How does your child feel?

squirrelchops

At the end of the day as I said earlier child in need is voluntary. It appears that further assessment is being undertaken but I would ask the social worker for a clear written plan showing frequency of visits, dates and times and exactly what they are assessing. Clarity is needed.

croyland87

silvercar wrote: »

Do you feel that is right? Are there issues at home that you feel you could do with some help in devising strategies to help cope?

How does your child feel?

I feel that everything at home is running smooth and we dont need support we are one happy family if I ever did feel that support was needed I will ask for it. But what I want to do is transfer my child to a Special School were they can understand him and listen to parents. Do i have to take up services which they suggest what would be my right.

[Deleted User]

When social services came round to my house, they read out a long list of very skewed concerns listed by the school. The report said I laughed and cried like I was a crazy women on being told what was on this list.., I did laugh in sheer disbelief (said 'You are joking aren't you? a couple of time) at what I was told, I never ever cried. To be honest, I think another reaction would have been more abnormal. But it was written down. Then a 26 page report was produced., again a lot of it was false and I was only given chance to read it right before the meeting. In this instance it was as if the social worker had an idea what she'd find before she walked in the door and made what she was told fit this idea. Nightmare.

I did all the wrong things basically. I actually walked out of the first meeting because I just saw this report.., got so stressed reading page after page of false information.., it would have taken three meetings to read, absorb and refute the allegations. I felt I was going to have the children taken away and had lost before I'd begun!

BUT even the school said they hadn't said what was in the report, the children's father also spoke up for me, thank god. As did a psychologist I was seeing by then.

So thank goodness, no great harm was done and the various members of the meeting were soon able to see that I actually wasn't how the report described. I believe the social worker got into a spot of trouble about it. I certainly hope so as it could have had an awful outcome.

So PLEASE don't worry too much. Even though I had this awful report written, and didn't help myself at first, it still all worked out ok. There was never a question of the children being taken away.., in spite of the report.

When the social workers initially visited, they actually asked to look around my house. I refused as I felt it was a total invasion of privacy.., they could see from the downstairs the place was clean (I did wonder if they expected to find a child sized torture chamber hidden away or something). I probably wouldn't do that again as I am sure it didn't help. I didn't really 'get' what was happening as the allegations were so ludicrous. But my reaction probably didn't help as I've said. If they want to visit to view things, you have nothing to hide, so let them. Its a total invasion of your privacy but I'm afraid there's no other way to show them its not your fault your younger child soils at school.

I can imagine how you feel as the social workers have asked to be there at meal times etc.., but to be honest, they don't have the manpower to be there for many visits. I suspect that sometimes they ask these things to get an idea of your reaction.

I think you just have to express that you are happy to make changes if they are needed (I did do this, and did make them but wasn't asked to, I knew what I needed to do) but also need to gently suggest that things are not entirely stress free at school and that you do have concerns about that.

I hope that this helps. You can and will get through this, and hopefully it will lead to an improvement in provision for your children.

Rambosmum

squirrelchops wrote: »

At the end of the day as I said earlier child in need is voluntary. It appears that further assessment is being undertaken but I would ask the social worker for a clear written plan showing frequency of visits, dates and times and exactly what they are assessing. Clarity is needed.

Yes, they are voluntary however if you chose not to participate in them and the school continues to raise concerns to SS then they will escalate the situation and it will become involuntary and the OP will look as though she (he?) is not cooperating with services. The best course of action is to go along.

If you are a nervous person, or can be either a little agitated or lack assertiveness/ over assertive then an advocate may be good idea. You partner or friend or parent is also allowed to come, but don't take a small army.

Child in Need assessments take a few weeks to complete then a bit of time to type up. They will have recommendations at the end and a child in need plan will be drawn up, it will says things such as 'Jack to attend school every day' - how achieved: 'parent to ensure jack attends school every day and to telephone school if Jack is unwell or refusing to attend'.

I suspect that the school are worried that your child soiling themselves and displaying challenging behaviour are indicative of issues beyond his disability, particularly if his soiling has become more frequent or his behaviour deteriorated. This is probably not the case but school have probably run out of ideas themselves and are expecting SS to solve the problem for them.

SS will not ask you anything in the meeting that you haven't discussed during the assessment unless bring something new up. SS will likely suggest that your child has another health assessment with his health care provider re his disability and that the ed psych looks at whether mainstream is still the best place for him. They will also look at whether there have been any changes at home. Some SWs can appear accusatory, and the school will almost definitely be.

As for custody I highly doubt it will even be mentioned. It is a long long road to removing children from all but the most horrific of situations.

And finally, ask questions. If you don't understand something, if you need extra support with something not mentioned, just ask- the more you ask the better, you'll come across as the concerned, engaged parent you clearly are.

croyland87

I received a phone call from my child's school today in the morning and they said your child has soiled his self can you come in to school I was sleep come back from night shift so had to get up to take care of are 7 month old child while wife went into school when she got there the class teacher said oh actually he has not soiled his self we thought he did so my come back home.

In the afternoon the Social Worker suddenly turned up and said the school have a concern me and my wife said what concern sw said well the school have said that your child holded on to his teacher and was grunting and moving towards her thigh which is a sexual movement my blood started to boil but I controlled my self. The SW then said we will have to make a plan for 6 months in the child in need meeting because of this concern.

[Deleted User]

Oh dear, I am sorry, It sounds like SW is ticking boxes, and finding what they want to find. There is so much room for interpretation. If you can, calmly ask if the teacher is clear this was sexual in nature and how in the meeting. Get them to define their terms.., but politely. Say you take this very seriously and need to understand exactly what happened. Obviously as Freud said, sometimes a spade is just a spade.., but unfortunately SW's are meant to look for problems.., which can lead to misinterpretations. I don't know if it will be helpful or not to speak to the teacher directly. If you do, get parent partnership involved, its better if you have a witness.

I don't know what the special need that you are concerned about is.., can you get advice on your rights re schooling etc? There is education advice available from the National Autistic Society. There is also IPSEA.., they are very good with advice on special needs and educational rights. Your child (as far as I understand it) does not have to have a diagnosis to merit extra needed attention at school.

Start keeping a diary of what is going on at school if you can. If a teacher or school make a comment, try and find out from your son (without making him feel bad) what happened. I know I had one teacher get quite annoyed with my then 8 year old for doing a drawing and destroying it by ripping it with a pencil. When I asked him (apparently she didn't do this, although it seems an obvious thing to do) he said that he couldn't draw waves, kept trying to do them, harder and harder and went through the paper. The boy had a diagnosis of dyspraxia (and later Aspergers) at the time.., but they never thought to ask - just told him off. He also peed in the school field at Games time.., he says he asked and asked the teacher if he could go to the toilet but she ignored him. You can imagine what trouble this caused.

I'd spend time getting as much back up as you can. Can you go to your GP, stress that your son needs an urgent assessment? Get your MP involved (its what I've done with my younger son)., tends to get a reaction from the LHA.

I hope this helps. Sorry if I seem a bit negative.., but even so, there are things you can do.