The Ultimate Incentive Part 11 (or 10B) It's The Final Countdown

Dinah93

Not overly positive but not massively worse. Just signing some paperwork really. He went over to see his new manager and she's said him working fixed days is no issue, however he used to work 48 hours (4 x 12 hour shifts) as a senior carer as we couldn't take the drop in wage from working in market research if he only did the standard 36 hours. Unfortuantely the new home can only give him 36 hours, and then overtime if someone calls in sick. So he's gone back on the bank rota at a couple of other homes he used to work bank at, and hopefully he can get a Sunday and/or Tuesday and Monday and/or Wednesday in School holidays when I'm not working to make up for the drop in hourly rate AND hours.

One positive thing though is that the 3rd in command at the home he was deputy at called him last night to let him know she's written a letter to the regional director to let her know that NIM was an excellent manager and she feels it's been a detriment to the home and the company how this has been handled. Also the whole of the dementia floor have refused to pick up NIMs empty shifts as they're so livid at the manger for how he's treated NIM. So that was a bit of a boost to his morale which is obviously quite low.

Spending, or rather not, is going quite well. No buying of clothes or frivolities/unneeded bits and bobs, I did overspend on groceries this week (some really good deals on cleaning products so I restocked my stockpile as I'm a bit of a stickler to the products I like and I'd used up everything but toilet cleaner) but I still estimate my spending this week has been about 75-80% down on usual.

Did have to spend £89 this morning on a train ticket for another level of training for work next weekend, I should start shadowing in a school this week or next though, so hopefully that means my own classes aren't far behind.

I've signed up to a buggy run class on Monday mornings (will have to be dropped if I get a class then as it's a time I've said I'm free) and a beginners running group on Wednesday mornings, I really need a new focus to take away from money, so fitness is it. I have my yoga for strength and flexibility, I'm doing okay on healthy eating, but I need some cardio. I will beat high blood pressure the natural way!

Dinah93

clearmydebts wrote: »

I don't think you should cancel the holiday at all. Once it's booked it's booked and sounds like you could all do with a break. Just maybe be mindful of booking other holidays when you are in debt and maybe make do with mini-breaks.

We have so many booked I don't think we even have holiday time left to go away more. Ireland for 11 days, Italy for 15, then another mid week at center parcs in September. One of my two best friends spent last year in South Africa, and as I predicted she met someone there and he proposed when he was over in England last week. It's not overly likely he'll get a visa to marry here as tbh it looks like a rushed marriage to the authorities, they only got together 3 months before she left SA, he's been over to visit here for 2 months and a second visit of 3 weeks... her dad seems worried she's rushing into it but when you live so far apart you sort of have to make decisions on if this is it or if you cut your losses quite quickly because it's emotionally draining and financially destroying to live far apart - you move on together or you call it quits. Anyway my point is if they can't get married here I'd give my right and left arms to go over see her get married. I highly doubt we could afford or justify it though. We do have a LOT of virgin airmiles, so it might be that I flew over on my own for 3 days, literally just for the wedding, as she's a teacher so it would be during the Christmas holidays, and between mum and NIM they could take care of the children while I'm gone. It's by no means ideal though so I really hope his visa is granted

To be honest Dinah you sound exhausted. It sounds like you could do with a night/weekend just you and your mum or a friend to recharge the batteries. Would that be possible? Here I am telling you to spend money when I was giving out about you spending it a few days ago!

Lol I am but no more than NIM. I've just been having hell recently worrying about my new job (pm me if you want the saga, I spoke to Wendz but it's not something I need splashed all over a public forum). It has something of a resolution though so I feel better. I was supposed to go away with mum and the kids the last week of Easter, their best friends have a holiday cottage in Northumberland they let us stay in for free, mum pays for groceries and days out I just provide the car and fuel to get there and act as chauffeur, but mum was taken into hospital the thursday before Easter and still isn't entirely well so we couldn't go. Waiting for a scan to diagnose gallstones/kidney stones/ grumbling appendix/ovarian cysts. As gallstones is most likely the good thing is she's completely overhauled her diet and lost 6lb in 3 weeks, long may it continue as I've worried about her weight as she's been overweight but slowly losing it for most of my life
I wouldn't be trying to pack in loads of stuff during the day as the kids are so young. Just enjoy them and worry about getting stuff done when they go to bed. They must go now at about 7pm do they? Your Dad's business - are you getting much of a wage out of that? If not, I would be telling him that you need to take a break. Life sounds far too busy/stressful/unpredictable to be trying to grow a business.

Grace gets cranky if we're at home, it's a lot easier to take her out as she's very well behaved out of the house. Ben goes to bed at 7.15ish, Grace will go to bed at the same time if no nap that day, but if she's had a nap, even of 10 minutes it's after 9pm when she goes to sleep - so using the car after 2pm is a real no-no as she's guaranteed to sleep!

Doing very little for dad at the moment, maybe 10 hours at most last month. He only has me doing the Etsy stuff now as he's mindful of my time. It's making me about £60-£100 a month, roll on Christmas as we were doing about 3-8 orders a day so I made over £250 in December, which is no effort profit aka passive income for me as all I do is re list the product once it's designed and photographed the rest is down to dad

I think you both need to sit down and work out what NIM's wages are? If they are enough to cover all the outgoings and debt repayments then you need to take a break and just enjoy the kids. If not, then you need to seriously consider what ye are going to do. There is no point in trying to do bits and pieces here and there. It seems to be exhausting you.

It's not enough. Without debt repayments it is, but with debt repayments and the emergency savings we're short. So something needs to change. We're taking this week to try to work out what.

I know you probably won't like me saying this but what about selling the house, paying off your debts and renting for a couple of years. You are both young and should be enjoying yourselves and your lovely family. It seems to me like you can't actually afford to be a one wage family. I hope this isn't the case but you do need to sit down and really work things out. You need a budget (YNAB) is amazing. It's really helped us to be totally honest. For example - I thought that I had €1000 to throw at the credit card every month. I don't, I only have €500. Disappointing to find out but for the first time I feel in control.

We have an exact budget. I know every bill amount and date it goes out, the problem isn't not knowing what we have it's spending like we still have my 30k salary as well as NIMs and we just don't. We have considered selling the house, but it's an appreciating asset at the moment and on our new mortgage deal we'd be paying about the same in rent. All our debt is 0% while the house is rising in value around 2-3% a year. It's not something we've ruled out, but NIMs dad 'loaned' us about £12k of the deposit, which would need paying back if we sold and didn't buy another house, and he's very against us selling and that approval matters a lot to NIM as his parents are a lot more financially stable than we are so he values their opinion (well his dads anyway)

Birdie85 wrote: »

Feeling a bit down in the mouth today. Work is so busy I could actually work 7-7 and still have work unfinished, I'm lucky that I have to leave by 5 so I can get back for Zach otherwise I'd probably end up sucked into the vortex like everyone else! Just on here now to give myself a little time-out from the crap.

My Mum also managed to make me feel crap yesterday as we're skint until Monday (payday) so the cupboards are pretty bare (we've been eating out of the cupboards and freezer to save money!) and OH had literally just used the last fruit pot yesterday morning and we had a couple of packets of Basics wipes knocking about as I thought I'd give them a go... when I got home yesterday she'd bought a load of fruit pots and custard pots etc for Zach and got him some 'proper' Huggies wipes and basically made me feel like a !!!!!! parent because I can't provide the best for my child... he eats better than we do and I don't think having his face wiped with slightly cheaper wipes is doing him any harm! I really can't be doing with her any more... she rarely has a positive word to say to us and whenever I challenge her on being a bit of a b!tch she just says 'Of course I think you're doing a good job!' in a patronising way. Urgh. She's got him again this afternoon and I'm already dreading going home and dealing with her after another terrible day at work and because we're skint I can't have any wine! :(:( #firstworldproblems

How are things with your mum now? I understand where you're coming from. I feel like mum criticises me constantly on the parenting front, just little bits about 'you need to do more of this' or 'make sure she doesn't do that' which is randomly interspersed once a month or so with 'you're such a good mum to them, you do much more than most parents'. Zach's old enough to eat anything, and so long as he doesn't react to the wipes it doesn't matter what brand they are! We always have Tesco's or Huggies as Grace gets a rash from the more expensive Pampers ones (and they're really thin?! I hate them!)

wendz86

Glad things didn't get any worse with NIMs meeting. Glad you have come to some sort of resolution about your job as well.

That is good the spending is getting better, make sure you keep posting spends on here as I think it makes you think twice when you have to admit it.

Birdie - sorry to hear your mum has been getting at you. I always use own brand wipes and nappies etc and they are just as good.

I'm sure most of you saw on facebook but we got our first choice for school for Poppy which we are pleased about. Is a short walk from ours and have found out at least 3 of her little friends from nursery will be going to the same school which is nice.

She had a great birthday and party went well. Managed to persuade her to put some old toys in the loft to make room for new ones as well.

In the process of trying to sort out financial stuff like tax credits etc. I have a new property manager who rang me at the weekend and is lovely and trying to make sure I can get contract in just my name.

Hope everyone had a good weekend?

Birdie85

Glad NIM's meeting wasn't too bad. Hope he manages to get enough bank work to make up the loss of regular hours. At least it will hopefully only be for a few more months then he can reapply for a managerial role once he has the correct qualifications. Sounds like he was doing a good job so that's a good sign for him being able to move back up the ladder!

Well done on cutting down so much on the spending!

Exciting about your friend getting married! DH's friend got married in SA earlier this year and we really wanted to go but had to be sensible about it. It's not a cheap or easy place to get to and we got the invite a month after Zach was born so there was no way we could save the £000s we'd need in 9 months whilst I was on SMP! Even if I'd have been on my full salary we'd have struggled to get that money together in that time so we had to say no.

I'm feeling pretty good today as it's payday! Phew! Some months seem far too long!

My Mum was actually pretty nice to me on Friday after I'd spent all day dreading going home so she must have picked up on vibes that she'd annoyed me. I know that she's just trying to help, but a lot of the time she does it the wrong way! It's silly things she does that wind me up too. We've stopped putting a box of tissues out in the living room as if Zach has a runny nose (which is about 3 weeks out of every 4!) she will use a new tissue every time she wipes his nose then bin it. 1 tissue for a tiny bit of snot! I'll bet she does the same at my brother's house as she's always moaning that they don't have tissues at theirs either. It's such a waste (and we have to buy Kleenex, God forbid we use a nasty cheap brand on his darling little nosey wosey!), especially when we have muslins around which can just be used to mop up all sorts of snot, dribble etc then thrown in the wash. We are quite aware that this is a stupid thing to get annoyed about, but when we are sensible about how we spend our money and do things a certain way she comes along and tramples all over it, it gets our backs up! MIL's better because she looks after him at her house most of the time, I have no idea what she does with him, but at least the evidence isn't under my nose to annoy me!

And on a lame note- I don't like the Pampers wipes either! We usually use Huggies but when we only had £12 in our account I couldn't justify buying them so got some 60p wipes... which, massive shocker, have been fine!

ETA: Cross posted with you Wendz! Glad Poppy enjoyed her birthday, I saw the photos and she's so cute, and getting so big!

clearmydebts

Dinah93 wrote: »

Not overly positive but not massively worse. Just signing some paperwork really. He went over to see his new manager and she's said him working fixed days is no issue, however he used to work 48 hours (4 x 12 hour shifts) as a senior carer as we couldn't take the drop in wage from working in market research if he only did the standard 36 hours. Unfortuantely the new home can only give him 36 hours, and then overtime if someone calls in sick. So he's gone back on the bank rota at a couple of other homes he used to work bank at, and hopefully he can get a Sunday and/or Tuesday and Monday and/or Wednesday in School holidays when I'm not working to make up for the drop in hourly rate AND hours.

One positive thing though is that the 3rd in command at the home he was deputy at called him last night to let him know she's written a letter to the regional director to let her know that NIM was an excellent manager and she feels it's been a detriment to the home and the company how this has been handled. Also the whole of the dementia floor have refused to pick up NIMs empty shifts as they're so livid at the manger for how he's treated NIM. So that was a bit of a boost to his morale which is obviously quite low.

Spending, or rather not, is going quite well. No buying of clothes or frivolities/unneeded bits and bobs, I did overspend on groceries this week (some really good deals on cleaning products so I restocked my stockpile as I'm a bit of a stickler to the products I like and I'd used up everything but toilet cleaner) but I still estimate my spending this week has been about 75-80% down on usual.

Did have to spend £89 this morning on a train ticket for another level of training for work next weekend, I should start shadowing in a school this week or next though, so hopefully that means my own classes aren't far behind.

I've signed up to a buggy run class on Monday mornings (will have to be dropped if I get a class then as it's a time I've said I'm free) and a beginners running group on Wednesday mornings, I really need a new focus to take away from money, so fitness is it. I have my yoga for strength and flexibility, I'm doing okay on healthy eating, but I need some cardio. I will beat high blood pressure the natural way!

Fingers crossed NIM flies through the rest of the training and can be reinstated asap. I have the say, it sounds like he is so well thought of where he was, so that must have given him a real spring in his step.

Well done on the less spending. It will get easier, it is very tough in the beginning. I am nearly 4 months in on a clothes spending ban for the kids. I found it very tough, especially around the time of the Next (my weakness) sale a month ago. But I didn't crack. And the funny thing is, both mine need to get sandals for the nicer weather. I have vouchers to buy them and I can barely stand to waste the vouchers on them. And they are essential footwear. I won't go as far as to say I've gone the other way, but I am definitely finding it much easier to refrain from buying things!

Cinny91

You're doing so well on the no-spending! Like CMD said, it'll get easier as you find other ways to do things. I'm sad and actually find it fun spending as little money as possible :rotfl: But then again when my anxiety manifests itself it does it in such a way that I won't spend any money at all. I hoard it like a freakin' dragon.

Glad NIM's meeting went well, and it's really nice he has colleagues who will back him up like they are. It sounds like when he's qualified he'll be back up there, hoping this is just a temporary set back for you

Agree with Birdie about the wedding. I couldn't afford to go to my Sister's wedding even with my Grandparents putting money towards the flight (plus, yay, anxiety!) and I'm sure your friend will understand that. It is a lot of money, and I know your heart is in the right place but it's not something you can really do.

Speaking of, OH and I have been talking about getting married on our next trip to Vegas. I'm really kind of loving the idea of it just being OH and I, and some random person to say they saw it happen. We've told our family the plan, and let everyone know we're not expecting them to make the journey and it's okay. We'll probably pick a nice place to all go have tea together when we get home but even then, it'll be more for all of the family to see each other over making a fuss of us. Keep removing myself from the situation so I can soak in the humor of two anti-big-wedding people trying to plan the lowest key wedding of all time... in Vegas?!

It also sounds like you're doing well, Wendz And happy-late-birthday to Poppy! I reactivated Facebook, so I can start earning vouchers for our holiday, and saw her birthday post. She always looks/sounds like such an intelligent and fun kid. Glad she had a lovely day!

Birdie85

Oooh how exciting about a possible Vegas wedding Cinny! Please wear this and these!

rubywhatashmoo

Delurking to say me and OH got married in Vegas in 2012 with just my mum and sister there and loved it - we had a party when we got back to celebrate and see all our friends and the rest of the family but a lot of them watched it online at the time anyway as the chapel we got married in stream the video

Cinny91

Love that hat Birdie! I'll probably just go down the "casual but cute" look and grab a TFNC dress in the sales. This, for example, would be perfect!!

That sounds like it was a perfect wedding, Ruby We really just want minimal fuss! My Sister had the live-stream doo-dah from her wedding and it was really nice.. plus they gave us a little wave! I think it's included in the package I was looking at but I'll double check. The one we've picked is just off a food court in one of the hotels, so OH said after a year of salads we're going to do a lap of honor post-wedding. Pizza hut, McDonalds and corndogs. Keeping it classy

Tete_en_l'Air

I thought this was your dream dress Cinny?



(Sorry it's massive).