access to my daughter after relationship break down

dorothyjeffery

its been a while i know. and thanks to all you lovely people, things got sorted for having my little grand daughter. and all was going swimmingly, until last night. and i need to pick your brains.

it came to light over the weekend that my sons ex partner, is moving away from where we live. about 15 miles away. not the end of the world but very difficult when you dont have car!!! and when she came to get the children last night, she said to my son that the job centre had told her that they want HIM to draw up a contract about paying the money he pays for maintenance. is this such a thing that the job centre would ask for??? if they want something from him, wouldnt they ask him direct?? i am rather worrying that this is another of her made-up things that she throws at him every once in a while. have looked online and cant find anything about them wanting a contract from those receiving child maintenance by private arrangement.

the first thing my son thought of was that, she thinks he will stop paying because they are moving away (he wouldnt ever do that), so a contract would tie him in.????

he is paying her rather more than the csa rate, and it is being paid by private arrangement (he gets receipt from her every week) and he is paying more because, he says he 'wants to do the right thing by the kids'.

can anyone tell me if this is something that the job centre would ask for??? i havent heard of this before.

clairec79

I've never heard of that at all

pmlindyloo

If your son's ex is claiming benefits then they will require proof that any income she is receiving is, in fact, child maintenance.

All he needs to do is write a letter confirming that he pays *** (name) of *** ( address), NI number of ex and the amount that he pays per week saying that this is a private arrangement.

This is done to check that any income is child maintenance which is not counted for benefit purposes.

If your son is concerned then ask ex for the address of the Job Centre to which he needs to send it.

Personally I cannot see a problem even to give it to her as it is a private arrangement and can be changed at any time.

dorothyjeffery

if it is a request from the job centre, then surely the job centre would contact him to confirm the arrangement.

IF it is all above board, then he is happy to do a LETTER, NOT a contract. i appreciate that she has to declare child maintenance, even though it isnt counted, but why would the job centre not contact him direct. she has his address.

pmlindyloo

dorothyjeffery wrote: »

if it is a request from the job centre, then surely the job centre would contact him to confirm the arrangement.

IF it is all above board, then he is happy to do a LETTER, NOT a contract. i appreciate that she has to declare child maintenance, even though it isnt counted, but why would the job centre not contact him direct. she has his address.

The onus is on the claimant to provide the information asked for by the Job Centre.

TBagpuss

The job centre would not contact a third party. Your son should, as pmlindyloo says, simply write a letter addressed "to whom it may concern" stating "I am the father of [child's name] and pay the sum of [£ ] per week / fortnight / month to [mother's name] as voluntary child support"

This is not a contract, and is not legally binding so would not tie him to paying that much in future.

if she is moving further afield then unless her step-dad is still bringing daughter for contact and collecting her at the end of each visit it would not be unreasonable for your son to review how much he is paying, if he is having to spend more on transport.

If maintenance is still being paid in cash he could ask for her bank details so he can set up a standing order, in exchange for providing the letter as requested.

dorothyjeffery

she has been doing the bringing and collecting more recently, as they are, at the moment, living just a couple of streets away. or my son gets them, but she seems not want him to go to the house. when they move, it will be a different story. he is worrying himself silly that she will cut the access down to one weekend a month, because of the distance. didnt know he could take a fresh look at what he pays, because of the new arrangements and the distance involved.

duchy

Could your son not learn to drive ?

It sounds perfectly natural to not want her ex in her home - His access is to see the child not anyone else. Why is she the one to do all the running around when it's only a couple of streets away ? He's an adult but it seems she does the dropping off and picking up and you get advice for him........ perhaps he needs to be a bit more proactive in his parenting -There's more to it than playing with a child and paying child support.

squirrelchops

double_mummy wrote: »

thats about normal tbh

he can fight her through the courts for more access but she can just ignore that - there are no real consequences the best way is just to play nice with her and have his daughter whenever she is offered

Firstly, what absolute rubbish.

Secondly, this so called 'mediator' is not acting in this as a professional role. Advise your son to get advice from a solicitor- one who is on the children's panel - and also look at proper mediation.

Jagraf

Blimey, its 15 miles! My ex moved to the opposite end if the world!

Why can't he just get on a bus? Where does he work and how does he get there?