access to my daughter after relationship break down

Jagraf

Please try to stay as neutral as possible (on the outside). Maybe you can be the one who befriends your son's ex? For the sake of your son and the kids. X

elsien

Has he looked at proper mediation, rather than a family member calling themselves a mediator when they're basically just a go between.
Firstly, proper mediation might actually achieve something, and secondly if it doesn't work at least he's showed he's tried. My siblings ex refused mediation which didn't stand her in good stead when it eventually got to court.

dorothyjeffery

not a chance i will befriend his ex. she lived with us for nearly 2 years and we all saw her in every light possible.

i am going to encourage proper mediation.

my son is giving her money and again, trying to do the right thing for the kids, is also giving her money for her other child. he is giving her £80 a week and when he asked for her bank details to pay it into her bank, (he wanted proper receipts), the details were refused and he was told it had to be done by paying the 'mediator' who gave him a proper receipt, but it couldnt go into her bank, because it would be eaten up by direct debits etc....

think i might also encourage him to contact the CSA.

restless6

dorothyjeffery wrote: »

not a chance i will befriend his ex. she lived with us for nearly 2 years and we all saw her in every light possible.

i am going to encourage proper mediation.

my son is giving her money and again, trying to do the right thing for the kids, is also giving her money for her other child. he is giving her £80 a week and when he asked for her bank details to pay it into her bank, (he wanted proper receipts), the details were refused and he was told it had to be done by paying the 'mediator' who gave him a proper receipt, but it couldnt go into her bank, because it would be eaten up by direct debits etc....

think i might also encourage him to contact the CSA.

Whilst you may not like the childs mother, you really should put your feelings aside for the sake of that child.
Imagine growing up and visiting daddy and grandma, knowing they hate your own mother.

I sense you are angry towards the mother and that is ok, but you are expecting her to put her anger and bitterness aside, but you are not prepared to practice it yourself?

elsien

He needs to be careful about handing over cash. If he can't prove it's for child maintenance, there's nothing to stop her from going to the CSA and saying he's not been paying. In which case he may get hit with a backdated bill.
And stop calling the other person a mediator. It's going to confuse the issue, when all they actually are is a voice for the ex to make life easier for her and her game playing.

dorothyjeffery

i will tell him not to do that any more. about 18 months ago they broke up and he was handing money over in this way, and she did go to CSA and said that he hadnt paid anything. will he ever learn????

and im going to talk to him about getting a proper mediator. he is someone who brings baby and collects her so my son and his partner dont have to see each other. i do believe that it was my son who asked him to do this because every time he went to the house to get baby or take her back, he was verbally, quite vicious verbally too, attacked by his ex partner and it was upsetting the kids, so he asked him if he would collect and take back.

sidefx

It's the child I feel sorry for!

Never mind all the legalities of it, why should the child be deprived of a parents love and attention just because the residential parent can't see past their own self(ish) interests?

I despair I really do.

ChristmasBlies876

Think step 1 should be contact a proper mediator, arrange an appointment. It's not cheap, but cheaper than court.

If she refuses, court will see her as unreasonable.

If she attends and then breaches the agreement, same result.

Regardless of what is normal or not, breaching a court order is serious. So if the above steps don't work, go to court. 4 - 5 times a fortnight is more average.

Everytime she breaches it she's liable to arrest. Finally after what may be ten+ breaches the court will have had enough.

It's worth fighting for.

As for child maintenance- either cheque or bank transfer.

meritaten

double_mummy wrote: »

thats about normal tbh

he can fight her through the courts for more access but she can just ignore that - there are no real consequences the best way is just to play nice with her and have his daughter whenever she is offered

No real consequences? where do you live? cloud cuckoo land? family courts are now far more savvy about mothers using the kids to get back at fathers.
for example - in one recent case I know of, the mother got 200 hours community service for ignoring a court order giving access to the father. admittedly this was after she had ignored the court previously. she was also warned this was 'contempt of court' and could carry a jail sentence if ignored again - and the father was granted even more access than he had asked for.

and please tell him to get a proper solicitor - failing that to apply to the court himself. to keep a diary of EVERY event. to log every phone call, to document everything and keep copies. believe me - this woman sounds vindictive and things can get much worse. He just needs to be the best dad he can be and be totally non-aggressive even if she (and her partner) is. if her or her partner becomes aggressive - then the police must be called - at the least they can be witness to her aggression.

Seanymph

He needs to say 'no bank details, no money'. In writing.

Then pay the money into a seperate account, to show he kept it.

When he gets the bank details, he can pay it all across.