Should my flatmate's partner contribute to cost of bills?

sulphate

This happened to me twice in 2 years when I was sharing as a student.

If the situation is a temporary thing, I don't think it's worth rocking the boat. If it's more permanent, it's worth bringing it up to your flatmate.

In my last houseshare my housemate moved her boyfriend in. Most evenings he'd be in the shared lounge watching tv and would kick up a fuss if we asked to watch something different or use the lounge ourselves. He had his own car but was also using a work one, so he would park both cars in the drive so I'd have to park down the road. They also rearranged the fridge so they had the majority of the shelf space, he used to eat my food etc etc, the list goes on. When you live with another couple the dynamic changes and you end up feeling like you're their lodger. Housemate and I, who were previously close, ended up falling out over it. If you and your flatmate are good friends it's worth bringing it up sooner rather than later to avoid any resentment forming.

I don't have a lot of sympathy with the "this place is closer to my work" excuse. And? Move closer then. People shouldn't expect others to subsidise their choices and basically living in someone else's house and not paying their way is effectively what they are doing.

Another way of ensuring it's fair is to have an rule about how much, generally, partners can stay over. I think 2-3 nights a week is generous. Otherwise, suggest that the time spent in both places is equal i.e. if partner stays at your house a few times a week, your flatmate should spend an equal amount of time at her home.

fairy_lights

Does your flatmate sometimes spend time at his girlfriends place instead and shower, do laundry etc there?
If not, and there are effectively three people in your flat most of the time then yes I would definitely ask her to contribute to bills.

tain

If she's paying to rent elsewhere as well, then morally it might be a bit tight to ask for a contribution (other than for food).

Also, you don't bring this kind of awkward thing up unless you either want to cause a ruckus, or she really is costing you a wedge every time she visits. You're basically saying you don't want her there unless she pays.

Finally, if everything is really going fine and dandy and you're all good buddies - ask her to move in? That way she's entitled to be there, plus you get the money you're looking for.

Clairsdad

I ran youth housing project for many years and this issue kept on returning over and over, each time with desperate personal circumstances and high emotions. We avoid it happening in the beginning by having very clear and specific rules... and then we talk about things before they become entrenched. I have to say once we got into a real mess the outcome was likely to be far worse, someone being made homeless, broken relationships etc. So much better to clear the air in the beginning.

Bottom line... is this really costing you real money? Is there a happy compromise? Is this so serious you are willing to have one of you move out over it? If you are luck enough to get through this one, this time, then please set up some ground rules before it happens again.

hazyjo

Maybe suggest a set amount if anyone stays over. A fiver a night?


As above, I suppose it depends if they're eating/drinking your stuff, or if they're using water, etc. Some things will make no difference having another person there - I'm sure you'd both have a light on and the heating on.


If there's more to it than that, ie you're actually not happy about feeling like there's a third person in the flat, then it's time for you to start looking for somewhere else to live IMO. Unless you ban her BF from being at the property, or say once a week, it just ain't gonna work.


Jx

tain

How much is she actually going to be costing you? Other than food bills, is she really going to be draining your gas and using £100 of water a month?

Don't eye her up as a walking chequebook and feel that you're 'entitled' to money from her because she visits a lot. It will almost certainly lead to disagreements and rows.

Flip side of it - you're just as entitled to have visitors as well, so consider that.

fairy_lights

tain wrote: »

How much is she actually going to be costing you? Other than food bills, is she really going to be draining your gas and using £100 of water a month?

We don't know the Posters financial situation though. If they're already living on a tight budget then a few extra pounds on the utility bills, extra toilet roll and milk being used can all add up to become a problem.

Fujiko

Presumably she still has her own flat near her work for which she is paying rent, which seems rather pointless since she is spending so much time in your's. I suspect that you will find her spending more and more time with her boyfriend to the extent that she will eventually move in permanently. Is this what you really want? Sharing with one other person is one thing but adding a third which you presumably did not want is another. I think it is unreasonable for your flat mate to expect you in effect to subsidise the extra cost of her being there. Whether it is £10 a week or £100 a week is irrelevant and if she herself is unwilling to contribute her share her boyfriend should offer the extra.
I think you have to be very wary about what is happening, lest you find your home turning into something you do not want with an uninvited third person. I am surprised that your flatmate has not offered something towards the extra cost of her being there. You should make it very clear that you are prepared to have her in the house but only on a temporary basis until she finds a place of her own, and I would set a definite time limit otherwise I think you are in danger of being taken for a ride!

tallgirld

I wouldn't ask her to contribute. I would ask him to pay more.
Words to the effect of "Since your girlfriend now spends a lot more time here the bills have increased which I think you should cover"

I am sure we have had this dilemma before. Anyway just tell him! End of.

gloriouslyhappy

Shouldn't you be talking to your flatmate instead of us? A quiet word in a non-confrontational situation to open the subject should bring a conclusion of sorts, allow you two to agree on something re partners present and future - after all, you might want to bring someone over too.