Common law rights

itsanne

rumncoke222 wrote: »

He'd like to move in with me, get engaged and married, this has always been something he wanted to do but obviously i've been hesitant due to his instability. He's considered bankrupcy as an option before living with me.

rumncoke222 wrote: »

I've known him a year, he's always been irresponsible with money, it's been the curse of him all his life from what i can make out.

I've made a will yes, with my children as beneficiaries, he's 41 and I'm 52.

He doesn't claim benefits, he has done once or twice but it has to be done online, they then arrange an interview but in the meantime agency work comes in for him so it rarely gets to the getting any cash stage, but sometimes he has weeks with no income at all seriously, and money may not be everything but he still has to eat and pay rent. Hence he's lived in about 12 or more places in the last 5 years as the rent doesn't get paid!

What do you want to do?

barbiedoll

He sounds like one of those guys (not that it's just a "man" problem!) who has never actually taken responsibility for his own life. Perhaps he has had parents or partners who have never actually shown him how to budget, how to live within his means and how to hold down a full-time job.

I know it sounds harsh but it appears that he wants someone to take control of his life and look after him, financially at least. The age difference may be significant, it may not.

I definitely wouldn't marry him though! If you're up for taking on his responsibilities and for trying to teach him how to be a little more financially aware, then go for it. But do not get financially "linked" in any way. No joint accounts, no bills in his name at your address, no credit cards with his name on, and definitely no guaranteeing any loans or anything.

If he wants to start sorting out his debts, then he can do so alone, he doesn't need to be married to you, or living with you. Show him the DFW board, point him towards a DMP charity, tell him to sort out his credit history and get him to start taking this seriously.

But don't even think about marrying him (did I say that already?)

:eek::eek:

paddy's_mum

rumncoke222 wrote: »

He'd like to .... get married

he's happy to sign away any future gains

That's really good of him especially if he is aware the law on divorce/separation nullifies any private arrangements you might make ....

You are right to be very wary because nothing so far has shaken him up enough to apply a bit of financial common-sense to his way of conducting his affairs.

burlington6

I wonder if the answers would be the same if the OP was a man and it was the woman who had no money.

I still think you should run though

Mojisola

rumncoke222 wrote: »

I've known him a year, he's always been irresponsible with money, it's been the curse of him all his life from what i can make out.

He doesn't claim benefits, he has done once or twice but it has to be done online, they then arrange an interview but in the meantime agency work comes in for him so it rarely gets to the getting any cash stage, but sometimes he has weeks with no income at all seriously, and money may not be everything but he still has to eat and pay rent. Hence he's lived in about 12 or more places in the last 5 years as the rent doesn't get paid!

burlington6 wrote: »

I wonder if the answers would be the same if the OP was a man and it was the woman who had no money.

I still think you should run though

Is there a name for this "what if the gender roles were reversed" - like Godwin's Law?

Yes, the answers would be the same. Why would anyone (whether they had a lot of money or was just managing each month) get married to someone who has never been able to control their finances?

There are a lot of ways to help a friend/partner to sort their finances out if they really want to do it but they should be willing to make changes before getting legally joined together.

TBagpuss

If you decide to move in together, agree a cohabitation agreement first. This can explictly state that he has (and will not acquire) any interest in your property, and can protect you if, for instance, he were at a later stage to claim that there has been an agreement that he would do work around the house, pay for food / meals out / whatever and that this would free up your cash for the mortgage, or any similar claim.

It is vital that you and he both get legal advice before signing such an agreement and that the agreement records that you have done so.

IF you continue to live together, the agreement should be reviewed and updated regularly, at least every 5 years, or in the event of any changes in circumstances such as a house move, him starting to contribute more etc.

If you get married or engaged, then go back to a solicitor and get a pre-nuptial agreement. A pre-Nup does not override existing divorce law but it is not useless. On a divorce (which is the situation where it might become relevant!) a court has to try to come up with a financial settlement which is fair to both parties, taking into account all relevant circumstances. The existence and contents of a Pre-Nup is one of the circumstances the court would take into account.

At present, in order for a court to take account of a pre-nup, it must meet certain criteria. these are:

- Both parties must have had independent legal advice, or have had the opportunity to do so and have chosen not to*
- There must have been financial disclosure by both parties, so that each knows what assets the other has and can make an informed decision about the terms of the agreement
- neither party must be under pressure or coerced into signing ( in general, if the agreement is signed within weeks of the date of the marriage, there is a rebuttable presumption that there was pressure to sign)

*it is very risky to enter into this kind of agreement where your partner has not taken advice, as even though the agreement may say that they have had the opportunity to take advice and have choens not to do so, there is a risk that they may later claim that they were pressured to sign and did not fully understnad. If they take legal advice then the solicitor should sign a certificate confirming that they have provided advice, and this makes it very much more difficult for anyone to claim they were unawawe of the implications.

If you do have a pre-nup then it is sensible to review it regualrly and to update it (or re-sign to confirm it is unchanged) Bear in mind that what would be seen as a fair settlement after (say) 3 years marriage is very different to what would be considered fair after 15 years, and a pre-nup is likely to be given less weight by a court as time goes on.

It's also unlikely to be considered to be reasonable to have an agreement which leaves one partner with nothing, so even of your partner has no assets at all, you might want any pre-nup to provide for him to recieve a limited lump sum( for instance, enough for a deposit and first months rent) if you split, in order to make it easier for a court to come to the view ethat the terms of the pre-nup are fair and reasonable and that any settlement should be in similar terms.

The other huge advantage to having a pre-nup and/or cohabitation agreement is that it means you and he have to talk about the financial aspect of your relationship and therefore you are able to get a better understanding of the attitudes and expectations each of you has, which in turn may significantly reduce the risk of the relationship breaking down.

As the relationship is still in relatively early stages, you could also consider his moving in as a lodger , with a formal lodgers agreement, so that you can see how it works living in the same household before you move in more formally (he would, of course, have to be open with Benefits agency about the fact you were in a relationship as well as being your lodger, but if he is mostly working that should not be a major issue.

hazyjo

Don't get married, and give it time. Live together by all means - that's pretty telling! If something's telling you it's not right, run now. Don't get into something you can't get out of.


On paper, I'd be told to run a mile too with my partner. But we're very happy and the way we live our lives seems to work for us. He now doesn't work, but does literally everything indoors, including extras like bringing me up my tea and breakfast every morning, plugging my hairdryer/straighteners in, and fetches whatever coat, etc I'm wearing lol.


We have no plans to get married though, but maybe one day...


He did used to bring in big bucks as a City broker, but then cracked and broke (breakdown, cocaine, money, family... a tonne of problems). He cries with happiness now. I hope it stays like that forever, but we live each day, week, month, year, etc as it comes. Been together for around 3 years (lived together for most of it).


Jx

Cacran

rumncoke222 wrote: »

Hey, you lot are more cynical than I Am! But I know where you're coming from and I Have friends who tell me the same.

But as in all things in life, it's not that easy. I don't think he's with me for what I Have, but I Would say that wouldn't I?

Let your head rule, not your heart. I feel for you.

RockOnZombies

I would go with run a mile too.

My ex gf was like this, reckless with money and asking to move in together with no job and no way to support herself or her daughter apart from my bank account which had already been sucked dry and the credit card.

Recently had to call it a day after a year and a half which was horrible as I had hopes for this one after a really rough couple of years.

shiny76

rumncoke222 wrote: »

I have my own property, no mortgage,and a fair amount in the bank, grown up children and a grandchild. I'm very lucky as I don't presently have any financial worries.

That all focuses on what you currently have and don't want to lose.

If you were to marry then presumably you'd be facing things as a partnership. So any future income/prosperity may also be affected by him being useless with money i.e. even with a 'prenup' you may end up subsidising him!