Is my boyfriend taking advantage of me?

pol-zeath

I have to say OP neither of you seem to be over-taxing yourselves in the work department. He works 5hr you do 25hr. This isn't a full working week between you.

Caroline_a

pmazur11 wrote: »

My SO and I have been together over 2 years, living together 1.5. and the relationship has had many bumps already. Now, the only real issue that still remains unresolved are finances. In the last flat, he was able to pay the rent and the bills 75 percent of the time. In case that he wasn't, he asked me to help as he knew that I have a big savings account that I have been working on. So I did help him out, as well as paid for all the food, because he "wasn't yet in a poisition to consider a joint food budget" The important thing was that, at the time, he really did work very hard and tried to keep up as we had a big, central flat.

Now, we live in a small, cheaper flat, but he hardly works at all. We decided to relocate and I found more jobs than I could imagine, while he, with the same skills as I have (we're in the same field) didn't even search much. Now he seems content to work 5 hours a week as a freelancer (for he can afford rent) while I work 25 because I want to save for our future. I still buy food, as he hardly ever has any change in his wallet. I am embarrassed to talk about this, and it is even more difficult to approach him. His response is that, if I just back off and stop monitoring him, he will motivate himself to work. Talks about money usually end in him getting upset and walking out the door. We've no other problems in our relationship but this one (and his 800 dollars "debt" to me). If it matters at all, I love him dearly.

Opinions? Input? Advice? Thanks a lot.

OP are you in the UK? I ask as you mention "800 dollars debt".

Barneysmom

How long are you going to let him walk all over you financially?


Yellow card him. Give him two months to shape up or ship out.


I've been in your position, it doesn't change for the better until you decide it does.

sulphate

thorsoak wrote: »

Get out - get your own flat, pay your own bills - he is a free loader - not working, not contributing.

I agree.

He doesn't work much because he doesn't have to - you are supporting him. His excuses are a load of rubbish.

Think about what you want in the future. If it's to settle down, get married, have a mortgage together, have children, that's not going to happen with this man.

amersall

Talks about money usually end in him getting upset and walking out the door.

And I would lock it after him I am afraid, get rid while you have no real "ties" with him, I, 100% agree with all the other posters.

Pollycat

Is my boyfriend taking advantage of me?

Of course he is.

You know he is.

The question you need to ask yourself is "Am I willing to put up with it?'

gunsandbanjos

My ex was like this, one of the many reasons he is now my ex!

I also had a child so it was even worse, I'd do 90% off the child related stuff, work full time, do all the housework and pay all the bills.

He would faff around and flit from one 'brilliant idea' to the next that was going to make him a fortune. Shame they all ended up costing us/me money instead:mad:

He didn't change, they rarely do. I decided life was too damn short and got out while I still had my sanity.

I'm now much better off as a single parent (still work full time) than I ever was before.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

He works 5 hours a week freelance? Comedy, this is a joke thread.

pollyanna24

Wish I could afford to pay my mortgage only working 5 hrs a week!

katsu

Do you know why he changed so much OP?

I understand wanting to work it out. Do you think he lost confidence or is depressed? Has he changed in any pet ways or just work?

Or does he think this is ok as he paid more of the last flat?

Good luck. Maybe try telling him it is upsetting you so you'd like to talk without a walk out so how might you both do that
?