Is my boyfriend taking advantage of me?

pmazur11

My SO and I have been together over 2 years, living together 1.5. and the relationship has had many bumps already. Now, the only real issue that still remains unresolved are finances. In the last flat, he was able to pay the rent and the bills 75 percent of the time. In case that he wasn't, he asked me to help as he knew that I have a big savings account that I have been working on. So I did help him out, as well as paid for all the food, because he "wasn't yet in a poisition to consider a joint food budget" The important thing was that, at the time, he really did work very hard and tried to keep up as we had a big, central flat.

Now, we live in a small, cheaper flat, but he hardly works at all. We decided to relocate and I found more jobs than I could imagine, while he, with the same skills as I have (we're in the same field) didn't even search much. Now he seems content to work 5 hours a week as a freelancer (for he can afford rent) while I work 25 because I want to save for our future. I still buy food, as he hardly ever has any change in his wallet. I am embarrassed to talk about this, and it is even more difficult to approach him. His response is that, if I just back off and stop monitoring him, he will motivate himself to work. Talks about money usually end in him getting upset and walking out the door. We've no other problems in our relationship but this one (and his 800 dollars "debt" to me). If it matters at all, I love him dearly.

Opinions? Input? Advice? Thanks a lot.

AngelOfTheNorth

When you say he was able to pay the rent and bills 75% of the time in your last flat, do you mean his share? Or all of it?

pmazur11

He was able to pay 75% of his share of the rent and bills.

globetraveller

Unless there is a reason for not working ie can't find work, or perhaps depressed? then I would consider if this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you still do perhaps try some tough love- buy your own food only? Keep your money in your own bank account. I hope you don't have joint ones.
I think you already knew the answer before you posted but needed others to agree.

thorsoak

Get out - get your own flat, pay your own bills - he is a free loader - not working, not contributing.

Amara

globetraveller wrote: »

Unless there is a reason for not working ie can't find work, or perhaps depressed? then I would consider if this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you still do perhaps try some tough love- buy your own food only? Keep your money in your own bank account. I hope you don't have joint ones.
I think you already knew the answer before you posted but needed others to agree.

I agree. That's not acceptable, unless he has very good reason for doing so.

double_mummy

yes .........................................

Beckyboo22

Hello! I have been in a similar situation myself and struggled for 2 years trying to pay for a joint lifesyle by myself. It was exeptionally frustrating and eventually made me resent my SO quite intensely!
I have always been a grafter and i think he took advantage of that as he knew i would be prepared to pay my way and more.
Essentailly i think you need to have a look at the pro's and cons of your current relationship, not just now but in the future (kids, mortages, holidays etc) and how much he is going to help you acheive your goals. Its going to be tough, but from my own experience hearts heal faster than credit scores (not to sound harsh)
I hope all works out for you! feel free to message me if you want a chat!
Becky x

Newly_retired

Is he claiming Jobseekers Allowance? If so he will be expected to show he is applying for jobs.
If not, why not? Sounds as though he should be eligible for contribution based JSA, which would at least bring a bit of money in.
Yes, he is taking advantage.

Bennifred

The reason he gets upset/annoyed when you challenge him is that he KNOWS he is in the wrong. He is a sponger.
Don't be afraid to instigate change. If he wants to stay together with you, he will pull his socks up when you make moves to move on. If he can't be bothered to pull his socks up, well - you know where you stand.

pol-zeath

Newly_retired wrote: »

Is he claiming Jobseekers Allowance? If so he will be expected to show he is applying for jobs.
If not, why not? Sounds as though he should be eligible for contribution based JSA, which would at least bring a bit of money in.
Yes, he is taking advantage.

He is working 5 hours per week as a freelancer and as I read it this covers his half of the rent but does not leave money to contribute towards the food budget and other expenses.