Living in girlfriend owned flat - suggestions on financial arrangement

double_mummy

there are 3 options
1. do what you want
2. do what she wants
3. do what neither of you want

no way does it work out that everyone is happy

pickledonionspaceraider

Sounds more like a business arrangement than a relationship of equals to be honest with you OP

She wants to treat you like a lodger, yet for you to pay towards repairs? She wants you to treat it like ''home'' when it suits her - IMO

I think your current situation is bad for your relationship , if , after 5 years, she is wanting to be so separate from you in this kind of sense, it is almost as if she is just waiting for you two to split up

Best thing you two can do, is rent out her flat, and then get a place together. Get on an equal footing and take equal responsibility. Its the only way forwards. Then you two can start building a future TOGETHER and she will still have her financial security in her flat should she need it

I couldn't live in your situation, I would have to get ''our own'' place, or get out.

burnoutbabe

My OH moved into my flat and doesn't pay any rent (just half the bills/food). He should be saving that money so if we buy together he has a big lump sum to put in. (or if i chuck him out, he has a lump sum for another place)

We would move and buy together but where we are suits us.

But I would always pay for "maintenance" things, like having to get a plumber/replace damaged floor as its my investment. Though he is more likely to organise it as working from home.

So yes, no "rights" but he's lived rent free for 4 years and saved £25k or so in rent. He also has a Buy to let he is renting out elsewhere so is on the property ladder anyway.

heartbreak_star

I moved into OH's house and don't expect anything back if we split.

I give him a set amount a month towards bills etc (mor than OP though ), we share grocery shopping (whoever can be bothered to go, usually!) and if an appliance like kettle or toaster breaks one of us just grabs a new one.

If it's something for our respective cars, the owner picks up the bill. Dog stuff is under the grocery heading.

Works for us, but we're both cool with the arrangement and comfortable enough to say so if we weren't

HBS x

AngelOfTheNorth

The rent thing is perhaps missing the point. If you had a proper tenancy, that would also come with rights: your extra money would effectively be purchasing these. You don't have any of those at the moment- your partner could kick you out tomorrow if she wanted. Whereas even in a bog standard AST, you'd still get a few weeks notice. You would also probably have your own room for your exclusive use, which you presumably don't now. So yes, you pay less, but you also have a very informal arrangement. You may or may not find that preferable to an official tenancy.

Having said that, not ringing a plumber? Really? I can't see why you wouldn't. It's no different to eg making a dentist's appointment for your partner when you pass the surgery, surely. I would've put that down to the usual bits and bobs of favours people in relationships do for each other. I also agree with PPs that this doesn't sound particularly sustainable in the long run.

Guest101

AngelOfTheNorth wrote: »

The rent thing is perhaps missing the point. If you had a proper tenancy, that would also come with rights: your extra money would effectively be purchasing these. You don't have any of those at the moment- your partner could kick you out tomorrow if she wanted. Whereas even in a bog standard AST, you'd still get a few weeks notice. You would also probably have your own room for your exclusive use, which you presumably don't now. So yes, you pay less, but you also have a very informal arrangement. You may or may not find that preferable to an official tenancy.

Having said that, not ringing a plumber? Really? I can't see why you wouldn't. It's no different to eg making a dentist's appointment for your partner when you pass the surgery, surely. I would've put that down to the usual bits and bobs of favours people in relationships do for each other. I also agree with PPs that this doesn't sound particularly sustainable in the long run.

Just to put into perspective, a minimum of 2 months notice, + then the LL has to go to court to officially end the tenancy (It does not legally end at all after two months notice) and then again get bailiffs to remove

A grand total of approx. 20 weeks.

FBaby

Basically today she is now asking me to pay half for each repair and take some more interest in the upkeep of the flat (arranging plumbers etc) I contest that its unfair for me to pay for the upkeep of a property which I will have no financial comeback from should we end up splitting up. I can't see the logic of me arranging a plumber when I'm not the one paying for the work.

Just to give her the benefit of the doubt and pick up on the above. On one hand you say that she is asking you to pay half of repairs, but then say that you don't think you should arrange for what you don't pay for. What do you mean by repair/upkeep? There is a difference between dealing with a leak in the bathroom and redoing the roofing.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask if you could call a plumber to deal with a leak, especially in circumstances where she is for instance working when you are not. That's part of living together and I can see how she wouldn't be impress with a response that you are not prepared to do this because it's not your place. To be honest, if this is how you feel, it strikes as a bit of resentment, maybe because like all of us readers, we feel that after 5 years, it might be time to move towards a more committed relationship and you are worried she might not feel the same?

theoretica

I think no-one has pointed out that home repairs come in different magnitudes. Some I think of as part of general living expenses - boiler repair, unblocking the drains, bathroom grout, some redecorating. Others are long term and may add to the value of the house - reroofing, new boiler (though this does depend on timescale, as British Gas suggest a combi boiler has a lifespan of 10-15 years on average and you have lived there for 1/2 -1/3 of that) , rewiring, new kitchen or indeed the extension mentioned. I think that if you are living in the house it is reasonable to maintain it, but not necessarily to improve it.