Living in girlfriend owned flat - suggestions on financial arrangement

GwylimT

Do you genuinely think it is unreasonable to call a plumber yourself, do you not believe you benefit from running water? You are literally saving thousands per year in rent, grow up and statt paying your own way.

GlasweJen

I can kind of see the OPs point. What if he's home alone and the boiler breaks, calls out the gas man and gets charged a £100 call out fee plus £30 per half hour and it turns out all that needs done is a knob needed turned to repressirise the boiler?

I know that caused an argument in my joint owned home (although OH did relent as he was away on business and couldn't help from Sweden) but a £130 bill for someone to turn a dial wouldn't have gone down well with my land lord when I was renting or my parents when I lived at home with them.

If it was my home and my money I'd have been raging at my other half, I would have wanted to see it first to make sure it was nothing my dad couldn't fix.

BabyBoots

OP, currently you're paying utilities but nothing towards mortgage/rent, so your girlfriend is effectively subsidising your living costs. It would cost you more to share another flat with someone else that expected you to split costs 50:50.

If you're not contributing to household admin (actually paying the bills, dealing with renewals, correspondence, telephone calls to tradespeople, doing maintenance, fixing things personally etc), your girlfriend is also spending her time running the household on behalf of both of you.

This set up is more suited to a temporary arrangement than a committed relationship. It's not really a shared household at the moment. Possibly your girlfriend is fed up with this and wants you to show more commitment to your life together. Possibly she is concerned you have been taking advantage of her generosity.

What kind of commitment do you both want from the relationship? That would determine what is a "fair" financial arrangement. You've lived together for 5 years. A lot of people who have lived together for 5 years would have a joint mortgage, joint bank account, be joint tenants for the property or married... I'm not saying any of these things are right for you, but you need to have a frank conversation about what your commitment to each other is - the financial side should naturally follow from this.

Plenty of couples have an arrangement other than sharing everything 50:50 - the important thing is that whatever arrangement you have come up with has been explicitly discussed and agreed as mutually acceptable. Your girlfriend is suggesting changes to your current set up, and you need to explore these together.

FBaby

Possibly your girlfriend is fed up with this and wants you to show more commitment to your life together. Possibly she is concerned you have been taking advantage of her generosity.

I see it the other way! She is in a committed relationship, wants OP to treat the house as a home, yet is clear that it is HER house. It sounds like she is the one who wants her cake and eat it. She could legally kick him out of the place without any notice, ie. OP doesn't even have the rights of a tenant, yet expect him to treat the place as home! Totally unrealistic.

If this is what she really wants to achieve, sharing a HOME, then it is time to sell the place and buy something together. If she is not prepared to do this, then she needs to accept that the place is nothing else but a bedsit to the OP.

GJ_WRX

I agree with seanymph, rent out her place and move in together, then split everything 50/50. She can keep her place going as a nest egg and hopefully the rent will cover most of her mortgage.

I was in a similar position a few years ago when I moved into my then girlfriends place. I paid £600 month 'rent' which covered most her mortgage, I also paid for most meals out and cinema etc, she paid for all utilities but we split food. Worked out well for us as we were both happy. She has since sold that place and we are now married and living in our own place were I pay for everything.... Hold on something's gone wrong here!

Woodsy

Thanks for all your comments. Am willing to take any criticisms on the chin, that's why I'm posting.

To answer a couple of questions.

We share food bill 50/50

Things like kettle, microwave, dishwasher, washing machine cost\repairs split 50/50

She earns a lot more than me. When I moved in I was on £23k and her £52k a year. Now I earn about £27k and she around £39-42k a year since she decided to work a 4 day week to start a dog training business on Saturdays. Her old lodger who moved out when I moved in paid £500 a month for a room which is the same amount I pay now.

She has around 5-6 holidays a year, either with girlfriends or friends,some costing a lot of money. Her and I holiday together about 1-2 times a year once places we both want to go. I have to be more picky about where I want to go since I can't afford to go everywhere she does!

I am much more frugal about money. Almost everything I own was on sale whereas she impulse buys. I have struggled to save up £7k in the past 6 years which is sitting in an NISA and would be put towards a new mortgage if we moved elsewhere.

She does not want to lose her flat should things go awry with us hence the decision for me not to make any legal claim on it which still begs why I should help maintain a flat that I have no claim on. I could be 10 years down the line having spent thousands on flat repairs and will walk away with nothing.

Her flat is a nice flat, good location with a garden and parking space it seems silly to have to move to organise our financial arrangement hence me trying to get some non-biased views.

Long-term view is a tricky one. As I said in the OP we have not long finished couples counselling which went very well but things are not back on track not related (I don't think anyway) to this discussion.
She just had a extension built to the flat (which she also asked for me to contribute to it regardless of the fact I didn't want it and again I am investing money into her flat without any benefit)

WillowCat

If you were on a similar salary I'd expect you to contribute half of the mortgage interest (not the capital repayment part) as well as your share of the bills etc. The interest is effectively the 'rent' on the part of the flat she hasn't paid for outright yet. Also half of running repairs but not improvements.

However, she earns substantially more than you do, and it looks like she's taking the micky a bit asking for as much as she does, then going on holidays you can't afford. I'm not surprised you are concerned about the long term, you seem to be financially mismatched.

I hope you manage to come to a satisfactory conclusion.

Guest101

This sounds like a case of 'what ifs' - which is a load of rubbish basically.

Either your GF wants help paying the mortgage and therefore has to accept as part of that, you will rightly receive an interest in the property.

Or you pay for half the bills, food etc, and thats it.

It really cant be both ways.

The arguement that 'you would be paying £x if you lived eslsewhere' is sour grapes. Yes you would, and that would be your place (whether owned or rented). This is her place, and if she's not for sharing then thats her choice.

£75 a month for repairs?! crikey how much goes wrong? - clearly this is £75 a month rent by the way. And no you shouldnt pay for any repairs either, as you have no financial interest in the property being repaired! (assuming you didnt break it initially, in which case you may have a legal interest in its repair)

sulphate

I agree with some of the posters earlier in the thread - this set up is designed as a short term solution not a long term arrangement hence the conflict. Sounds like both of you need to have a discussion about the future.

FBaby

I can say from experience that if she is waiting for financial commitment into the place from you to give her reassurance that you are committed to the relationship, she is going to lose you. It needs to work the other way round.