Elite 2015#1

Sunshinemummy

hampydoodums wrote: »

Reading in bed now, your post about giving your cat a tablet reminds me of this which I've read somewhere before, may even have been on here. Enjoy ........

How to give a cat a tablet
Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


How to give the dog a pill

Wrap it in bacon.

pmsl, This is the cat we used to have, and the dog we have now!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

pacifica9

hampydoodums wrote: »

Reading in bed now, your post about giving your cat a tablet reminds me of this which I've read somewhere before, may even have been on here. Enjoy .........

Thanks hampy. Crying with laughter. :rotfl::rotfl: And off to bed. Night all.

Savvybuyer

More expensive coffee than bubbs', no doubt!

T, S or M
Vs A
or Avs W N/A

Douwe Egberts "Classic" Roast Instant Coffee jar (200g)
T £3, S £5, M £4.99 (according to msm)
A £2.47

£1.23 and half/100g.

Cheaper than 10% cheaper than unit price on 190g Douwe Egberts vs Morries (approx. £1.55 point 8/100g).
Assuming all goes well on all comparisons.

Ellsey

Sakura10 wrote: »

Quick straw poll for anyone that would like to answer.

If you could go anywhere, where would you go? It can be as exotic or as homespun as you like, but your no price barred favourite spot.

Mine is right here right now looking over Fistral Bay with the waves crashing and a glass of wine in my hand I have travelled all over but keep coming back here.

Switzerland, New York, Disney Florida, Jamaica

fairclaire

aau1 wrote: »

Some people would consider that to be taking the urine

jonathanh1989 wrote: »

Thanks to op. Candles were oos, I rang the store to make sure of it before ordering

Due to the ASDA Price Guarantee, you're entitled to a voucher of £32.05:
ASDA Voucher
Why £32.05?
« Back to comparison results
15 items (6 different) on your bill qualify for comparison ASDA Morrisons
+£30.00

0.17 x ASDA Bananas by Weight per kg £0.11 £0.11
0.11 x ASDA Carrots by Weight per kg £0.08 £0.08
0.1 x ASDA Mushrooms by Weight per kg £0.26 N/A
0.23 x ASDA Onions by Weight per kg £0.17 N/A
0.13 x ASDA Red Onions by Weight per kg £0.09 £0.09
10 x Glade Candle Blackberry Frost Limited Edition £50.00 £20.00
1 x Candyland Flumps Mallow Twists (12g) £0.10 £0.10
1 x Haribo Starmix £0.10 £0.10
1 x ASDA Smartprice Passata (500g) £0.35 N/A

Comparison total (compared products only) £50.48 £20.48

Talking of yellow stuff........

I spotted this on my skip through earlier. Is it just me or is this also taking the pee??

I get ordering to add to a stash, to sell, to give away or even to hope you will get subs that are better. But phoning a store to check an item is OOS and then blatantly ordering it, knowing you won't get it and pocketing a £30+ APG??
Talk about biting the hand that feeds :(I like to think there's a spirit to glitcing and we do so well. There's no need to go this far.

Not singling this OP out, I'm sure others do it. It's just an example I saw.

And I'll be disappearing again soon so I don't care what anyone thinks

EMMAP

pacifica9 wrote: »

Canada. New Zealand. The Lake District. If money was no object I would just keep travelling.

Same! New Zealand. Or back to Iceland

Really want to see Canada. It's a shame that work didn't pan out as I'd hoped in that respect but much better seeing a place at your own pace anyway.

G'night everyone x

rhosynbach

hampy that is so funny me and oh laughing our heads off xx

hornetgirl

pacifica9 wrote: »

Canada. New Zealand. The Lake District. If money was no object I would just keep travelling.

This would be me too. I love going to new places.

rhosynbach

fc hope your keeping ok xx I totally agree, I am happy to take a gamble and accept the subs, would not feel right checking first but I supose we all have a different set of morals, and I know a lot of things we all do are on the line, but will defiantly not cross to far over x

Bananababe

hampydoodums wrote: »

Reading in bed now, your post about giving your cat a tablet reminds me of this which I've read somewhere before, may even have been on here. Enjoy ........

How to give a cat a tablet
Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


How to give the dog a pill

Wrap it in bacon.

Thankyou thankyou thankyou . I was laughing so much tears rolling off me trying to read that out to other half

Haven't laugged so hard in months :rotfl::T:rotfl: