Girlfriend is taking out and paying a loan for her brothers wedding?

patanne

They are financially linked as they have a mortgage, doing this will also damage their plans to buy the rest of the shared ownership and also spoil plans to get a good deal when the fixed term on this one ends. This is sounding an even worse idea every time we get a little more information.

dealer_wins

Its funny when the only person who doesnt see this ending badly is the one who is handing over the £6000. Sad really.

notanewby

dealer_wins wrote: »

Its funny when the only person who doesnt see this ending badly is the one who is handing over the £6000. Sad really.

I've a feeling he knows it is going to go wrong, but is trying to convince himself it won't.

robatwork

Family is very important in this culture - which is no bad thing.

However you need to accept that this money will be a gift to her brother. To you it's a loan, to them a gift. Accept this and adjust your expectations. You won't get paid back.

If you can deal with this, then all is OK and perhaps one day they will make you a gift in return. Otherwise you need to seriously think about your future with this generous lady.

redpete

whitecloud663 wrote: »

The brother does not even want her to take a loan out. He is not aware of this, he thinks his parents are re-mortgaging the house. I know that does not make it better but my girlfriend and her mum have talked about this and they are going to say the house is re-mortgaged when in reality, my girlfriend is providing the loan

So your girlfriend is actually lending / giving the money to her mother, her mother will in turn lend / give it to the brother. Therefore your girlfriend is possibly going to lose several thousand pounds in order to save face for her mother.

This is important because the 'deal' is between daughter and mother, it should be the mother that owes the daughter the money and this is what should concern the OP, not whether the brother will eventually pay his debt.

gycraig_2

whitecloud663 wrote: »

I have an update that I would like to share. I had a long and thorough discussion with my girlfriend last night and I'm glad to say I feel much more relieved, although not completely.

Regarding the financial matter, she showed me an ISA account, in which she has £6k in savings. She says this is her 'emergency' fund so god forbid if anything does happen, in that she cannot pay back the loan, she does have security.

She also said that she's fairly confident that her brother will pay her back but I'm still rather sceptical about that. According to her, she will have to pay for the first 3-4 months until her brother can get on his feet and he will start to pay back there on.
I guess worse comes to worse, she'll just be giving (an extremely) expensive wedding present should it be that he is unable to pay back. I should have also mentioned that she's currently paying off a credit card debt (its now interest free as she has had a balance transfer done) in the amount of £4k. In the past 2 years or so she has cut down the debt by more than half and I do trust her on this. It was not her fault that she was in debt (again past family issue that put her in debt) and in her defence she isn't wreck-less and has been really working hard to pay off the debt as soon as she can. However, I still do feel that taking out another loan would inevitably hinder her ability to save and therefore our ability to move forward financially and staircase our flat to 100% etc.

Loaning 6k to someone who is "getting back on there feet" for a wedding they don't need is stupidity in any culture.

Why negatively affect your future / next few years of your life for her a brother who sounds like a sponge. If she's giving 6k in cash that's on her. If it's a loan you WILL be taking it out of family expenses in the end.

If SHE is struggling to pay off previous family loans why would she possibly think this time will be different

patanne

How long is it going to be before the fact that you have, without recognition, put off all your plans for increased share of ownership, marriage, children etc, really begins to gripe. Actually if she is living with you I am surprised they haven't disowned her. Or is that why she is once again prepared to cough up, just so they don't?

After the loan will you both even be able to attend the wedding?

dealer_wins

Le4nding the £6000 will cost you £9000 including interest. Tattooing the word "MUG" on your forehead will cost under £100.

Together they will cost £9100, but avoiding the loan will avoid both charges and a painful forehead!!

patanne

Unfortunately, I think this is all about the boy child, to whom all must submit. As in mother submits to boychild and goes to daughter to bring it off. I thought daughters weddings were supposed to be the most expensive. So are they going to come up with a similar amount of money for your wedding? Please insist at least that brother knows WHO is coughing up for his wedding. This is one way or another coming out of your personal finances. Please make it clear that you are not going to accept a reduction in her financial contribution to your lives or YOU & you alone are going to fund this donation to her brother's wedding. Don't get me wrong, I would give my son or my sister the shirt off my back, but not to fund a wedding. To keep them alive, to keep a roof over their heads, but to fund a vanity project - never.

Rossim1985

robatwork wrote: »

Family is very important in this culture - which is no bad thing.

However you need to accept that this money will be a gift to her brother. To you it's a loan, to them a gift. Accept this and adjust your expectations. You won't get paid back.

If you can deal with this, then all is OK and perhaps one day they will make you a gift in return. Otherwise you need to seriously think about your future with this generous lady.

I dated a girl in the past who was also very generous with money that she didn't have. Further down the line she ended up badly in debt and I stupidly took out a loan of £6k for her. She gave me a cheap (awful) car as part payment, but we still split up a few months later and I lost out to the tune of around £3-4k.

Are you sure your girlfriend isn't telling you it's a loan just to appease you? It's obviously going to end up just being a gift anyway that she can't afford to give,. She already has previous debts, this is such a terrible idea! With joint names on your mortgage there is way too much risk here for both of you.

I worry you will end up making the same mistakes I did. It sounds really harsh I know, but I do think you should give some serious thought to whether you want to stay with this girl and her wider family. Awful situation to be in, but you have to think with your head, not your heart with this!