Girlfriend is taking out and paying a loan for her brothers wedding?

whitecloud663

My girlfriend is taking out a loan of around £5-6k to pay for her brother’s wedding. I am serious with my girlfriend (been together for 2 and a half years) and plan to marry couple years down the line when we are more financially secure.

A bit on our current situation: We have bought a 1 bed flat in shared ownership around year ago and both go 50/50 on everything, i.e. utility bills, rent, mortgage etc. although I did provide 70% of the deposit. Neither of us currently have a cash flow of savings, it’s all locked down in the deposit of the flat.

My concern is her taking out a loan of her brother’s wedding. His not the sharpest tool in the box and doesn't have any savings or a steady career. My girlfriend tells me she is unsure when he'll pay her back and she isn't exactly in the best financial position herself. According to her, it was either that she takes a loan out or her parents would have to re-mortgage the house for the wedding. Absolutely absurd I know, but in their culture it’s very important to keep face.

I'm definitely not keen on her taking out a loan, it will impact us both as a couple, i.e. we can't stair case up to 100% of the mortgage for the flat as quickly, she's putting on hold a much needed car to replace her old existing one and generally not having as much disposable income. God forbid if any of us lose our jobs we will really struggle to keep up with the mortgage and rent payments.

I don't really have much faith in her brother paying back. Like I said, he just doesn't seem to have much common sense.

How can I approach this issue? Clearly it isn't none of my business getting involved in their family affairs but at the same time I am in a financial commitment with my partner so I feel like I'm in the right to know but just don't know how to communicate it across in an effective manner?

Lily-Rose_3

I have little else to say except this is a TERRIBLE idea. If you are serious and are getting a place together, then you need to let her know that this it NOT acceptable to you.

What the heck? I would not do this for ANYone: not even my own daughter! I would pay/help pay for her wedding, as best as I could with what money I had, and I would scrimp and save to help her, but take a big loan for it? NO WAY!

Tell him and his bird to pay for their OWN chuffing wedding! Why are the parents not contributing? (Hers AND his?!)

moohound

Has she already taken the loan?

It sounds like you can be absolutely sure when she will get the money back - never.

What will she fund next? A house for him, A year off to have a baby?

Her brother should get married when he can afford it, or go to the registry office for £100 or whatever it is now.

ratrace

moohound wrote: »

Her brother should get married when he can afford it, or go to the registry office for £100 or whatever it is now.

SNAP! you dont have to spend £7000 + for one bleeding day

And like you said he not savvy with cash, what are both parents doing to help

So he going to be in debt as soon as he gets married plus he will want to buy a house very soon then a lickle one will come along no doubt.

if she loves him and he her then why waste all the cash
cor whats wrong with people have they lost all sense

Im up for helping family out but getting a loan i wound not my family members to do that for me plus who is going to pay the interest off the loan - if her credit history on the line leps hope she is sensible enough to back out

op, you need to explain all the potential pit falls and how it will affect her

good luck mate

TrickyDicky101

I take it this is an Asian family? I have a friend who has Bangladeshi ancestry and the lengths he will go to to support his family (and indeed his extended family) is, quite frankly, unbelievable to my Western upbringing. I would be very prepared for this money to never be repaid and plan accordingly.

ratrace

whitecloud663 wrote: »

According to her, it was either that she takes a loan out or her parents would have to re-mortgage the house for the wedding.

This may not be a bad idea from a financial point of view

lets say you girlfriend gets a loan offered at 10% interest

and the parents remortgage and their rate is say 5%
(interest rates on mortgages are lower than unsecured loans)

so you save 50% interest plus he he fails to pay his dad his old man can kick his @ss in to gear

all this avoids any problems with you or your girlfriend

I know - Im a genius :cool:

bryanb

If you're marrying in to another culture, you'd better get used to the customs etc.

curiousralphy

If you are planning on getting married then her family affairs are your family affairs and you are already involved. You really do need to speak to her - they are choosing a big wedding and can't afford it, the parents would re-finance the house to do it and your girlfriend sees no problem with getting a loan to fund it when she has nothing spare for what she does need (car) - , it sounds like her "culture" as you put it, has a emphasis on how things appear and this will likely spill across all choices she makes in life. You need to make sure now that you are able to live this way or that she is happy to change and not live this way. This time it's about the brother's wedding but there's a much bigger issue here that you should probably get sorted before you mix your lives together any further.

whitecloud663

moohound wrote: »

Has she already taken the loan?

It sounds like you can be absolutely sure when she will get the money back - never.

What will she fund next? A house for him, A year off to have a baby?

Her brother should get married when he can afford it, or go to the registry office for £100 or whatever it is now.

I'm not sure whether she has done that yet. Hopefully not. I am going to talk to her tonight and provide an update

whitecloud663

ratrace wrote: »

SNAP! you dont have to spend £7000 + for one bleeding day

op, you need to explain all the potential pit falls and how it will affect her

good luck mate

Thanks mate. My head is in a complete mess now. The pitfalls, where to begin?

Flat being repossessed?
No car?
Cannot stair case to 100%
No disposable income?
What else?

ratrace

TrickyDicky101 wrote: »

I take it this is an Asian family?

Talk about stereotyping people... (god why are people so "beep" "beep")

It could well be that they are from a middle/upper class family who like to display materialistic "goodys" to show the rest of the family and the neighbors that they are doing just as well as them

"Fur coat no knickers".... springs to mind

And the young chap who wants to get married is an spoil little s!!t who has always been wrapped in cotton wool all his life, and mummy and daddy have answered to his beck and call