Make do, Mend and Minimise in 2015

EmberJ

Thank you, we've been looking at houses, found one in scotland that is exactly what i've always wanted, though a little smaller. Its also fairly cheap, cheaper to rent than where we are now, and we both love Scotland. I know its a big move, but it may be worth it. I also forgot that my stepdad put away £400 for me when I finished school due to good results, so he may let us use that for a deposit. feeling much better now there is some thing in sight, and to work towards. I think my parents could foster the dogs while moving, but Tibby, one of the cats refuses to stay anywhere but with us or at home, he gets very claw-y and yowls - though he is fine with us, and to be left at home, or like this week to be left in a house he knows we are staying in. I think my partner earns too much to be considered for council housing, and there isnt much of it around here. Just looking at different areas in the uk - my partners company are global and he can keep his job if we move.
thank you floss, will still look into council housing just in case
Em xx

FairyPrincessk

Ember--wow you have a lot on your plate! Some councils have schemes to help tenants get together a deposit. I don't know much about who qualifies or which councils have them, but definitely worth asking.

Is it possible to ask your FIL to move out and to take in a lodger? Perhaps the situation would be easier to managed with someone who isn't family. I'm not exactly sure who is the primary tenant where you're living--apologies if I've misunderstood.

EmberJ

Fairy, my partner is the main tenant, he pays the rent. I think the problem with asking FIL to move out is that it may completely break the relationship between him and Matt, and I honestly wouldn't feel safe in the house, even with a lodger to help towards bills. Our main issue really is that he is very stuck in his ways, letting Matt pay for everything/pick up the pieces. I'm also his least favourite person, because since me Matt has stopped, and we've attempted to get out of the debt that it built up. Still paying that off, but getting somewhere at least.

Other changes I've made are actually cooking meals, and trying to cut down bills - they used to order in/eat out every night. I'm not the tidiest of people, but they were living in such a mess, stuff piled everywhere - I've tried to clean up and organise, but his dad just dumps everything back. We moved just over a year ago for that exact reason, to a lighter airy house, as how they were living before introduced damp, things were ok to start with, housework was done, but I had a bout of illness and couldnt do much. Matt works long hours, so I am perfectly happy to clean up after him, cook him meals etc, his dad works part time, makes a mess, says he wants a meal, then goes out so i leave it in the microwave, often to come back to it two days later as i hardly use the microwave.

I'm just so stressed with it all, every time I try to talk to my family about it, they just tell me to leave Matt and find someone new. I just cant think of anything else to do, every time we talk to his dad about the problems he gets verbally aggressive. We've been TTC but I've made the decision that we have to stop because I dont want to raise kids in that sort of home. One of the reasons we moved into this house together originally was because his dad couldn't afford to live alone. Now we are paying off a gas bill his dad let run into debt when he was supposed to be paying it, so cant afford much else. Currently our income is 1100, and our outgoings for the house in total are 1091.34, including what his dad currently pays.

Still looking into moving, but taking into account the furniture we would have to buy as about half the furniture is his dads - I've been slowly replacing worn out furniture with both of their permission, or it would all be his dads, hoping to manage without some of it for a while.

Thank you again, the place we are looking at is 300pcm, and is in Berwick-u-Tweed, so not quite Scotland. The pictures are lovely and I've asked for more information, and we have a few other places that we are waiting on info for, all over the country. We are going to see this as a fresh start together, and finally live together properly.

FairyPrincessk

Ember that is a very stressful situation and for what it is worth, it sounds to me as if you've started to create a sensible plan for yourself. You can definitely find cheaper housing. Don't worry too much about not having furniture--we sort of did what you are doing by cramming things into a furnished flat and then living in an empty house for awhile. It worked out in the end. I'd suggest, furniture wise, you make a bed a priority. The rest can and will come with time--really.

You may also find it easier to stick to your frugal ways without someone constantly pulling the other direction.

Sometimes a fresh start is just what you need. Big hugs.x

Floss

Ember, as FP says, a good bed is priority, you can always pick up a couple of camping chairs to sit in to eat! You could even consider making your bedroom into a bedsit room with separate bathroom & kitchen until you are able to acquire new-to-you furniture.

Will there be much come-back if your partner walks away from the tenancy? And was there any bond, would you get any of that back?

I think asking about using the £400 is a good idea - after all it will be locked away in the deposit scheme, not frittered on "stuff".

EmberJ

We've had a think, and the main furniture we need is a washing machine, fridge, possibly cooker depending on if one is fitted, then the other stuff we want are a microwave, slowcooker, sofa, bookcases as we are both big readers, and maybe a lamp.

so far we have tumble dryer, chest freezer, mini fridge, steamer, toaster, kettle, blender, slicer machine, bread maker, drying rack for washing up, and most of the crockery/pans/oven dishes/cutlery etc are mine, as they hardly cooked. we've got cleaning products etc, as I buy those, we have a dining table and 2 chairs - given to me by a friend, we've got a good bed and mattress, we even have 2 tvs, one gifted, one bought, and a stand, a coffee table, bedding, a pc and its desk, a study desk i use for my sewing machine, wardrobes and drawers gifted by my parents- my old bedroom furniture, bedside tables, towels are mostly ours too. so we do have a lot, three things we need really are the cooker, fridge and washing machine.

There was a bond, but I doubt we will get it back as there is damp in FIL room that wasnt there when we moved in, and the dog due to being left alone for so long while he was minding them has chewed a door frame. We are going to try and repair it, if we do get our bond back it will be much easier as it was £475. our other issue is moving all of our stuff, but I'm sure we only paid £80 plus fuel for a removal van over two days last time, and we think that we can fit the majority of our stuff in one, along with my partners caddy.

My stepdad offered to let use it for a holiday for us last year, think he may have gotten tired of me keeping it saved for so long haha. its been there for just over three years, doubt there is any interest though, as it got moved around a few years back.

Found a problem with the place in berwick - we cant get fibre internet. We both use the internet alot, so that may be the one point that stops us going for it, as the available internet would be very slow - the bond is also only 300, so we could move in by the end of next month if needed.

EmberJ

oh, and we only have to give one months notice to move out, currently on a six month rolling contract.

Nargleblast

Ember - the sooner you and your partner get away from the situation and start afresh in a new area the better. Never mind about furniture, even if you have to sleep on a mattress on the floor for a few days it will be a darn sight better than your current situation. ( I did that many years ago, left exhusband , made sure our child had her bedroom sorted first, then slept on a mattress downstairs for the first night whilst my bedroom was got ready. That was the best night's sleep I had had for a long time!)
Your partner's father clearly has issues with money and living in a civilised manner with consideration for others, but you won't change him.
Things will work out in the end, hang in there!

EmberJ

Thank you Nargle. To be honest my main concern will always be our pets. The dogs travel well, and often try to get in the van when we walk past on a walk. one cat travels very well on my lap with a harness, the kittens not so well and we dont have a clue about the other cat - only had her a month.
We have two crates, one for each dog, poppy is fully crate trained, prince hates them but will travel in one. we think that was from being a shelter/rescue dog. I could put up with his dad for longer but I wont let him carry on treating the pets how he does.
We are going to look at the other house options, as we really would prefer internet, but the berwick one is my favourite.
Remembered we have an old washing machine in our shed - my dad has said he will take a look and repair it for me, one less cost. I think if we get a slow cooker, and microwave we can manage for cooking, and my nan has said she will let us borrow her halogen oven until we get sorted. we also have a camping stove, so can cook very basic things on that, and if its nice weather use the bbq.

The more I think and note things down, the calmer I get. My partner doesn't want to move, but has said if thats what it takes then he will do it, as long as its whats best for Prince, and he gets to set up his drumkit and dartboard - I'm perfectly happy for that, and I think it would be better for all of the pets. Both dogs are now looking at me expectantly, as I usually take them out for a run about now, though tonight they will have to wait as we haven't eaten yet.
Thanks,
Em xx

pollys

I've just made the honey and ginger cookies from the first page and they are delicious. I used a little more flour than stated and a bit of guesswork with the cups but they've turned out lovely.
Thank you for posting the recipe.

Polly