How to find out where sombody is?

Ader1

I'm not sure where to post this but I'll try here:

My mum went to visit her friend a couple of weeks ago. It's quite a distance away. Her friend has lost her partner so she's living alone. Mum did visit her earlier this year and she (the friend) was very frail. They are both in their 80's. Anyway, there was no sign of her friend. Mum (and my sister who was with her) thought that she must have been out walking the dog as the dog didn't bark either. Mum since tried to telephone her but the phone seems to be disconnected. Also, now that Christmas has arrived, there was no present from her friend. They've sent each other presents for the last 60 odd years. Mum is naturally concerned. Is there any way of finding out what's happened to her?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'm sorry, but perhaps you need to check the announcements section on the website of the local paper before going further?

If that doesn't help, and she doesn't know the name of any family members, perhaps you could write to the next door neighbours, the local GP or call the local social services and ask if they could advise you?

barbarawright

Does she know any of her friend's friends? Or whether she went to the local church? I'm not sure if a GP or social services would be allowed to give out information though?

Ader1

Mum doesn't think she went to church and has no idea who her friends were. I've tired to google her name and address and typed her name into the local paper's web site but nothing. We also asked a cousin of the deceased husband who also knew nothing. This woman left her village when young and never re-visited. She said that she would be overcome by memories of her parents and childhood. Lost contact with everybody except for mum. Quite sad really. May have to make the journey again and see if neighbours can help. Thanks for your help.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

barbarawright wrote: »

Does she know any of her friend's friends? Or whether she went to the local church? I'm not sure if a GP or social services would be allowed to give out information though?

If she's been admitted to a care home or hospital, I think that the possibility of getting a frail old lady all on her own some contact would be seen as being in her best interests, whether it is by releasing specific information or by passing on contact details to whoever is responsible for her care. On the other hand, if she's sadly passed away, they may be looking for details of relatives to see whether there is some way of recovering any costs or so that they are made aware. Not everybody keeps easily accessible contact details of next of kin/friends on the dining room table - my mother certainly doesn't, for example - so if there is an emergency, it could take somebody getting in touch to look for her for anybody to know.

And I was always told that, if somebody called in search of a patient that had passed away, to take the details and give them to the consultant/doctor and they would make the decision about what to say.


I hope you find her well.

GobbledyGook

Your best bet could be to speak to the neighbours of the lady. They'll know if a for sale board has been up and the house sold and also might know if the lady has gone into a care home or passed away.

barbiedoll

You could google the address to see if it has come up for sale/rent recently?

Spendless

It's possible she is in hospital/in care. My 90yo nan was taken into hospital 11 days before Christmas. Long story but she had a urine infection, and whilst in hospital the staff have realised that she isn't coping as well as she claims to and late on Xmas eve she was transferred to an assessment centre. We haven't told any neighbours as we don't wish to advertise that her flat is currently empty, and though we've told some family members I'm pretty sure we'll have missed others.

My suggestion is to put a letter/note through the door with a message saying all is ok and leaving contact details.

Savvy_Sue

And here's a plea not to post Christmas cards (too late for this year I know) without a return address somewhere. Jenny and David will be sorry not to hear from my mum, but as I have no idea who they are or where she knew them from what can I do???

theoretica

Why don't you get in touch with the charity Age UK? I think it very likely they will be able to advise the most effective way to proceed.

j.e.j.

It might sound a bit morbid, but would it be worth searching the BMD database in case there's any indication there that she might have passed away?

There may of course be other explanations, - she could be in hospital for example, or been transferred to a care home, but it seems unlikely that she'd have moved and not forwarded her details to your mum, if they've been friends for so long.