Evicting a family member

missile

It seems you are being subject to emotional blackmail?


You need to decide what you want to do and be prepared to live with the consequences.


If that is to evict them, you should see a solicitor asap.

duchy

statex wrote: »

During the summer I advised my son that I wanted them out by January 2015 he agreed but when I spoke to him recently about it he said "its not going to happen now is it". However I must be firm and give him until 1 March 2015. When I recently spoke to his partner she said they hoped to move in by the summer but I have heard that one before.

Life is short and time is running out for me I must be more assertive in the new year. Thank you for all the replies and advice.

You are presumably seeing these people every day .
Next week send three different estate agents round to your house (by appointment) to value the house. They will advise you to get your "tenants" out before going on the market - so you then say to your son that they need to be moved by 01 Feb as that is the date the house is going on the market.
If he complains simply say-"I told you January -so you've already had extra time" They have a property so you're not making them homeless. You could also pop around with paint brushes throughout January to tart the place up for selling to make it clear you mean business. Getting a solicitor to send a letter for them to sign confirming they will be vacated by 1 Febuary to facilitate the house sale would reinforce that you mean business.
Don't ASK him to move out - TELL him ......Act like it's all arranged and agreed - and don't agree to any delays - just say you'#re sorry but it isn't possible to change your plans firmly- and then change the subject. It is YOUR house- you don't need to justify asking for it back.

(Personally I'd be tempted to just move in ........into their lounge and bedroom - and just smile at them and act oblivious til they sod off to their own house)

moneyistooshorttomention

I'll second what Duchy says. Sounds like good advice to me.

Your son is treating you as a walkover. Maybe if you stood up for yourself a bit more you might feel more in control of your life. Maybe if you feel more in control of your life you might feel less depressed.

Another way to think of it is the longer you leave it before you get your own darn house back, then the greater the chances your wife will get widowed before it's all "done and dusted" and you are both comfortably settled in your new home. You have already increased the chances of that happening by 3 years. If you don't stand up for yourself soon that could increase to 4 years/5 years/6 years/etc......

He is absolutely taking the Michael to even get his garden landscaped before moving in. Gardens can be sorted out later. I've been living in my current house for over a year, despite the garden not having been sorted out yet. That will happen when I get the time (or, more to the point, the money) to get it done - but meanwhile I'm living in the house and not waiting for it to be perfect to do so. I couldn't afford to live somewhere else whilst I waited to finish this house and the only reason your son can afford to do so is because you are picking up his tab for him for doing so.

Don't try and set someone else up to do this for you (ie another one of your sons). Do it for yourself. It will do wonders for your self-respect.

Mojisola

statex wrote: »

I have mentioned to him several times that I want to sell the house but nothing seems to hurry him.

One of my other two sons works with the problem one and he is very outspoken, I mentioned my frustration to him in the hope that he would mention it to the other but it does not seem to have made any diference.

Life is short and time is running out for me I must be more assertive in the new year. Thank you for all the replies and advice.

Have you ever said to the son in the house - you need to move into your house because I am putting this one on the market - or has it just been vague 'mentions' in the middle of conversations?

The same with the other son, did you actually say - will you talk to your brother because I need him to move out - or did you just have a quiet moan to him?

Follow duchy's advice and start saying exactly what you want to happen and exactly when.

duchy

I have the feeling the OP is under pressure from his wife not to rock the boat in case it means they see less of the grandchild (I also note they spend five days a week caring for the child in the house so the partner doesn't need to be bothered even transporting the child and they have no provision for backup care if the grandparents are ill or want to go on holiday)

If you don't sort this out you will went up resenting your son and partner and the relationship will be damaged. You'll also damage your relationship with your other kids as they already see him getting preferential treatment .

Sounds like you really will be "changing the habit of a lifetime" but it honestly will be better for everyone if you can manage to do what you know you need to.

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you ever said to the son in the house - you need to move into your house because I am putting this one on the market - or has it just been vague 'mentions' in the middle of conversations?

The same with the other son, did you actually say - will you talk to your brother because I need him to move out - or did you just have a quiet moan to him?

Follow duchy's advice and start saying exactly what you want to happen and exactly when.

This is a thing I was wondering too.

I've had people "mention" something to me before now that they personally wanted and in that case it wasn't fair to me, so I just ignored the "mention". If they had been really serious about trying to get what they were after (ie something that, in their case, it wasn't fair for them to have) then they would have told me very clearly that they wanted it and intended to have it and, at that point, would have had it pointed out equally clearly back that they were being unfair and weren't going to have it. But a "mention" is just expressing an opinion.

There is a huge difference between saying you would like something/are unhappy about not having something and firmly saying "I am going to have this and I am going to have it right now".

I've "mentioned" that I would like a dream house that I have had my eye on for a while, but that certainly doesn't mean I intend to have that house. I am just expressing my opinion that I would like to do so if I could - but I know, realistically, I'd have to win the lottery in order to be able to actually take action on that personal opinion I have.

You are in a similar position if all you have done is "mention".

toniq

Tell them you are getting estate agents around in Jan and they need to be out as the house is being sold.

The rest is their issue not yours.

ratrace

statex wrote: »

Does anyone know how to evict a family member from a house and can they claim squaters rights and claim my inheritance?

No rights, its your house

I let my son and his partner live there rent free temporarily. (the agreement was six months rent free whilst he renovated his new house) and now after 4 years I cant get them out. They still pay no rent or repair costs.


Also he got into debts of about $20k 7 years ago and I had to bail him out with £10k and lend him the rest. later I also gave him another £10k, which was supposed to be a loan because he was whining about not being able to afford a house,which I will never ever see again

This is out of order, he's taking advantage of your generosity .

He is the one with the flashy phones,two cars and 60 inch tv.Not me.

All bought with your cash

An additional worry is that his partners father now lives with them Monday to Friday because he has changed his job. I am afraid I will lose ownership of the house. My wife is also afraid that they wont let us see our grandson again if I force the issue. We look after him 5 day per week whilst they go to work it is a bit of a tie as we cant do the things we wanted to do or take holidays during retirement but we love the grandson so much, which compensates for the lack of freedom.

Can anyone please advise?

Well he is taking the bleeding mick really and stopping you from getting on with your life

i mean 20k cash, rent free for 4 years, free babysitting then putting up the partners lodger father VIP treatment for him but couldn't care less about you :mad:


op you need to call him over to your place alone and have some serious words with him and tell him how you feel

sorry op i know he is your son but needs a wake up call

Gigglepig

statex wrote: »

Someone asked if I had teated the other two sons the same, yes I have, my parents were not rich but there were some insurance policies and I gave them the same amount of money as the son mentioned in my post. I always try to treat them the same.

It is nice that you give them the same amount of cash, but if you let 1 child live rent free for 4 years and also provide free childcare for them, it does not sound like you treat them the same at all - housing and childcare are often the two biggest expenses a household with small children has.

It really does sound like one (the squeaky wheel) gets pampered. It is of course up to you, but you sound like a nice guy who wants to treat them the same. If it is the case that the other two has not had 4 years free rent and childcare, perhaps realising how differently you treat them may strengthen your resolve to put an end to it?

HPoirot

I understand you not being an assertive person and this would be the whole reason why your son is taking you for a mug.


Nothing lost, I would book the estate agents as suggested, if only to focus your son's mind on the fact that you are serious. The estate agents will want you to get rid of the family living there first, which would take you back to square one. How to tell them to quit, leave and vacate by 1 March 2015?


If you still can't muster it then you may want to have a solicitor write a letter to them. Just make sure you don't undermine it all by being embarrassed when you speak to him! Pretend to be more assertive when speaking to this son, it works more often than not.