Care Home used Dads money to buy flowers for themselves

Errata

Sometimes the wisest course is to move on and remember all the good things.

getmore4less

Is the care home charity?

Goldiegirl

Errata wrote: »

Sometimes the wisest course is to move on and remember all the good things.

Couldn't agree more.

The OP's dad is not here to worry about what was spent, and the only person getting upset is the OP.

It was kind of the home to arrange the funeral, and in the absence of any instructions they did what they thought was best.

Maybe it's a bit unusual to include a car to take the care home staff to the funeral, but as they were arranging the funeral, they may have thought they were included as chief mourners.

Just remember the good times with your dad - all this upset will end up clouding your memories of him

Mojisola

Goldiegirl wrote: »

It was kind of the home to arrange the funeral, and in the absence of any instructions they did what they thought was best.

But if Ladywriter does raise the issue with them perhaps they will handle things more professionally in the future.

I don't think there's much chance of getting any money back from them but they should have got approval for approximate spending for the flowers and asked before booking themselves another car.

TBagpuss

I do not think that asking the care home to arrange the funeral could reasonably include them booking a car for care home staff.

I also think that such an extenxive and expensive amount of flowers would be unreasonbable if not explicitly authorised.

I would suggest, in the first instance, that you write to the care home, explina that you were shocked to get the bill as at no time had you authorised them to book cars for the staff or to spend over £300 on flowers, and ask that they reimburse you for those items.
State that while you appreciate hem having made the arrangments, you feel that the car for the staff was completely outside what would be normal or expected in this scenario and as it was to benefit their sdtaff, not you or your father, you presume that it was added to your bill in error and should have been sent to them in the first instnace.

In relation to the flowers, say that you consider these to have been unreasonble and that you were led to belive, at the funeral, that the home had made the gesture of giving some flowers from the home, and you were very distressed to have been charged for the same flowers, and that quite apart from the expense, it made you feel that they were taking credit for a thoughtful gesture when in fact, there had been no such gesture as the flowers referred to had, apparently, been supplied by the funeral home and billed to you.

Ask that they refund the sums improperly charged, or, they are not willing to do so, that they provide you with details of their formal complaints process.

belfastgirl23

The main thing I wonder is if you/your Dad's estate can afford to cover these bills? If not then it's reasonable to dispute. But if you can cover it I'd honestly say let it go. They took a lot of stress from you at a time when you needed the stress lifted and to my mind this was kind and worth paying a bit extra for.

The trouble with authorising someone to act for you is that you need to give them specific instructions if you have them. It's not fair to hand over responsibility without authority.

Besides anything else, opening this up will cause you further distress and will also probably distress the very people who cared for your father towards the end of his life. Is this really worth the money for you?

BobQ

I am bemused by the OP's attitude. I find it difficult to believe that nobody gave the home any directions whatsoever.

The OP could have asked the Funeral Director to arrange the flowers. If the OP left it to the care home and did not give specific instructions you take what is reasonable and the £275 seems reasonable as the main display on a coffin. If OP wanted a cheap funeral then that should have been requested. Cannot see why they would claim to have paid for it themselves. Maybe they just meant these are the flowers we chose for the deceased.

Not sure about the car. The price is the going rate but was it necessary?

Were there any discussions about how many people would go in the official cars? Was the second car ordered because the home was unclear who wanted to have a car provided? If for example they were told that transport would be needed for say 5-7 people could they have got an extra car because they were not sure? What would you have said had you found the car ordered was not sufficient?

If they ordered what is usually a 6 seat vehicle just for three staff I would agree this is unfair. If they ordered the cars and then used three spare seats that were otherwise unused that is another.

I have arranged several funerals and I cannot ever recall not having a plan for who would occupy the seats in the car(s) ordered.

BobQ

Ladywriter1968 wrote: »

Yes it was huge lettering with his name put in flowers and then a smaller bunch on top.

My point is, they used Dads money to pay for his own flowers from care staff. The rest of the family made their own way to the cremetorium and bought their own flowers. I was not told about the 3rd car, it just showed up on the day to take the care home staff there. I guess they thought I would be to upset to think or investigate or to bother. Its like they took Dads money and used it like monopoly money.

I have never arranged a funeral without ordering a coffin spray and treating that as part of the cost. Had I been arranging your father's funeral for you it would never have occurred to me not have a large wreath, coffin spray, etc unless you had said to me, I want it done on the cheap.

BobQ

OP, when they arranged the funeral they would not have signed to agree the costs of the funeral. The person paying would do this, usually the executor. Were you sent nothing to sign?

BobQ

TBagpuss wrote: »

I do not think that asking the care home to arrange the funeral could reasonably include them booking a car for care home staff.

I also think that such an extenxive and expensive amount of flowers would be unreasonbable if not explicitly authorised.

I would suggest, in the first instance, that you write to the care home, explina that you were shocked to get the bill as at no time had you authorised them to book cars for the staff or to spend over £300 on flowers, and ask that they reimburse you for those items.
State that while you appreciate hem having made the arrangments, you feel that the car for the staff was completely outside what would be normal or expected in this scenario and as it was to benefit their sdtaff, not you or your father, you presume that it was added to your bill in error and should have been sent to them in the first instnace.

In relation to the flowers, say that you consider these to have been unreasonble and that you were led to belive, at the funeral, that the home had made the gesture of giving some flowers from the home, and you were very distressed to have been charged for the same flowers, and that quite apart from the expense, it made you feel that they were taking credit for a thoughtful gesture when in fact, there had been no such gesture as the flowers referred to had, apparently, been supplied by the funeral home and billed to you.

Ask that they refund the sums improperly charged, or, they are not willing to do so, that they provide you with details of their formal complaints process.

Car - The OP said a third car. So presumably the second car was occupied by family members? In practice you do not book a car for staff, the person arranging the funeral will generally be told that each car will cost X, accommodate 6, and be asked how many cars do you need. If you are arranging a car for other family to use you need to know how many to answer the question. The first time I organised one I said 2 because I was not sure. With hindsight I could have cancelled one but I did not know how many would be there till the last 2 days by which time it was too late.

Flowers -The home said that those were the flowers they bought. I would not assume this meant pay for from their own pocket. For the OP to follow your advice about the statement being distressing is in my view ridiculous. They were arranging the funeral for the OP!