Care Home used Dads money to buy flowers for themselves

Mojisola

Ladywriter1968 wrote: »

Sorry the message was for Marktheshark actually but cant find their post on here. I am not explaining myself to him why I could not do it, thanks for the support though Mojisola,

No worries.

I was so grateful when my Dad died that my brother came over and helped me with all the running around - I wasn't well enough to drive and couldn't have done it by public transport so I understand your situation.

I think it's a great shame the care home didn't communicate much better with you - they shouldn't have spent as much as they did without your specific agreement but you may have to let it go if they don't offer something back to you.

cazziebo

I think this might be down to a simple misunderstanding. Perhaps the care home thought they were carrying out your wishes, and believed they were acting within your instructions.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions and go consulting lawyers etc. I'd have a word with the care home first and check their understanding of your instructions. Tell them that you are surprised at the extravagance of the flowers, and you didn't expect the cost of the car for the care home staff to be included in the bill.

Give them a chance to explain and if you are unhappy with their response then complain formally.

I am sorry for your loss.

7roland8

I agree Elastyicmoney - a funeral director should easily take the load off a person's shoulders.


To the question - the sum for flowers seems huge - and why do a huge name if you did not ask - not really necessary. they could have phoned to ask about flowers - or did they think you left everything to them - either way way over the top in my view.


Also with the car - or did they think they were chief mourners after arranging it all? Awkward situation as it was not really their job - and how much do they do for people with no relatives if they do other funerals?


A letter would be a good place to start to keep it on good terms for now and get an explanation first.

theoretica

I wonder if the heart of this was actually that the care home people were busy and not putting extra effort into saving you money. If the funeral director said - you would like flowers wouldn't you? and staff will be coming, you need a car... Or perhaps the funeral director asked - would you like a funeral just like the last one we arranged from your home?

Did you ask them for a low cost option or just assume? People do have very different ideas about funerals. I know someone who when her mother died was given a donation from work and colleagues 'for flowers'. This was enough for most of her long haul flight back from abroad.

Errata

I think the care home put a lot of effort into ordering the most expensive floral arrangement possible. A name in the form of separate letters of the alphabet done in flowers is extremely expensive.

GobbledyGook

I think the flowers is something that is open to interpretation - I wouldn't spend the amount of money on individual letters, but I know my friend would every single time.

However ordering a car for 3 members of staff is absolutely out of order. Funeral cars are for the family and chief mourners. I'd get onto them about that and would absolutely expect that to be refunded.

I'd also politely mention that if they are in that situation again (which they will be) they should check what the family want flower wise before spending such an amount.

fabforty

I am sorry for your loss, but I'm afraid I am going to disagree with most of the posters here. Even if you do not live locally and do not have transport, the onus was on you to state what you did or did not want and to ensure that your wishes were carried out, instead of the care home checking back with you every step of the way, as another poster has suggested. It does sound a bit as if they offered to arrange it and you just left them to get on with it. They spent more than you wanted on flowers, but did you actually tell them how much to spend or set a limit? What about the rest of the arrangements - did they do a good job?
Would they normally have attended the funeral anyway, or was this done because they made the arrangements? Were they helping at the funeral or just guests?
Arranging a funeral is hard work and stressful - from your posts you clearly were not able to deal with it yourself at the time. Having relieved you of the stress and difficulty of doing it yourself, in their shoes I would be extremely annoyed to then be sued for the cost of flowers and a car. I hope that you resolve things.

Errata

In all my years of attending care home residents funerals I have never, ever come across or heard of staff being transported in an undertakers limousine. The norm is for staff to share a car and claim mileage from the home if they're attending as representatives of the home, or pay for their own transport if they're attending for personal reasons.

Ladywriter1968

Mojisola wrote: »

No worries.

I was so grateful when my Dad died that my brother came over and helped me with all the running around - I wasn't well enough to drive and couldn't have done it by public transport so I understand your situation.

I think it's a great shame the care home didn't communicate much better with you - they shouldn't have spent as much as they did without your specific agreement but you may have to let it go if they don't offer something back to you.

So we both know what its like. As I was in exact same situation with my health and it was also a struggle to travel but I had to do it to register his death, have no siblings, or family. I suffer from sciatica (back spinal trouble) and when I get a flare ups I can hardly walk and have had to use a stick at times to, and have been under the hospital with it. I just stuffed my face with pain killers so I could get down there on public transport. My head must have been like the Magic Round About. Anyone who suffers with severe back pain will know when a "flare up" hits how agonising it really is. And it can take weeks or months before it even eases again. From a long term back sufferer.

So that Mark can go spit basically.

Ladywriter1968

Whilst Xmas this year wont be a great one, I will try my best to make it a good one, as my Dad would want my happiness not my sadness. and he is out of pain now and suffered dementia for years. Its a horrible illness but knowing he is on the other side now and just as he was. and I hope that all of us that have been down this road can see what I have said and hope you are strong enough to be able to abide by it. Including myself to.

Thanks for all your replies.