Feeling Fed Up and Hopeless

beluga

I hope things are looking a bit brighter for you today.
I understand where you're coming from, I tried to kill myself only a few weeks ago, and still struggle with the feelings that it'd be the best thing for everyone. It's a horrible way to feel, but it does get easier! Go to your GP, phone the Samaritans or whatever you can manage at the moment. I can't have alcohol or pills in the house, as the thoughts are still there, but that helps me get through each day.
Help is out there, and it's hard but you need to ask for it.

I hope things get better for you x

feelinghopeless

Thanks for everyones replies. I havent seen my doctor yet but did speak to my partner and explain how I was feeling and tell him that I cant be the strong one all the time and do need some support. I think he understands and is trying to help as much as he can, bearing in mind we are both going through this together. But I cant keep being positive when he is being negative. So thats a step in the right direction. Legally I am hoping we may at least know later today some of what we are facing although I am expecting it to be on going for months if not years which is not a pleasant thought. My eldest is being as thoughtless as ever. I tried explaining to her why she may have to walk to school next week (I need to be at work by 7) and my partner isnt allowed to drive for at least a week. After some huffing and puffing I reminded her that he had been involved in a high speed head on collision and her response was but its not as if he died. All this because she is too idle to walk to school. Its these things that just tip me over the edge and make me want to scream.

She is currently having counselling under CAMHS for other bereavement issues but again this isnt something that is going to be resolved overnight.

Will just have to take it a day at a time. The strange thing is since I havent been eating (have been drinking milk and sugary drinks) my chronic pain has subsided somewhat). So guess every cloud and all that.

Thanks again for taking to time to listen to my ramblings

FBaby

All this because she is too idle to walk to school.

Except that it is not the reason. She is somehow feeling that everyone gets all the attention but her, hence showing resentment towards these people in a very immature way. Maybe she has reasons to feel like that and maybe not, but either way, it is how she feels and it will make her feel very unhappy too. The best you can do is not take her words literally because she most likely doesn't mean what she is actually saying, she just doesn't know how to express her feelings differently.

Pleased that you spoke to you partner and that he was receptive. That's what you need more than anything, being able to share the burden with someone you trust. You are right that it is about taking things one day at a time, together. It's the accumulation of things that makes it feel like an ugly heavy foggy cloud has descended over your head, rather seeing many fluffly clouds that only hides the sun temporary.

whitewing

Why don't you give CAMHS a call and explain how she is speaking to you over this latest issue. Having to discuss her behaviour with a non-family member may actually make it easier for her to understand why it is so hurtful for you. It will be doing her a favour to remember that while she is learning to deal with her own pain over things, she still needs to try to consider the effect of her attitude on other people. She'll get on better in life if she does.

feelinghopeless

I have spoken to her CAMHS worker as she has an appointment next week and think she is also going to discuss some support for me. I am pretty sure that a large part of it is down to her being bone idle as despite trying reward, payment, threats, etc she does very little at home. She will not walk to school, stating that she will have the day off instead (although she hasnt done this yet) that sometimes I just think it is so she can argue with me.

Dozey_crow

I just want to say how sorry I am for all you are going through. I have felt trapped and desperate in the past to the point where I couldn't/didn't want to carry on and it is horrid.

Can you draw support from anywhere at all, no matter how small, such as another parent or a friend to take the oldest child to school? I am not a patent and I agree with you that she is not behaving well and it's last thing you need. However I think you have to pick your battles and I would put her behavior on the back burner for now.

Secondly make some time for you.. No matter how small. I spent of times crying and staying at the wall but no one was asking me to do things and I felt better after.

Thirdly split everything into short, Medium and long term issues, dealing with short term issues will make you feel a bit better.

Please post back.

whitewing

It's very difficult as a child to feel motivated if your parent thinks you are fundamentally crap. The occasional 'reward system' is not going to make a difference. No disrespect to you as I know you are under huge amounts of pressure but I cringe when you call her bone idle. You make her sound like a write-off.

What is she skilled at? That may give us some ideas to help you help her.

jumpingjackd

Cant offer much advice really, but have had similar thoughts years ago and am so glad I didn't act on them as had four young children , BUT and its a big but, things do change and life does get better, although you may not think so right now. Sounds like your eldest is looking for attention, and rebelling, probably because she is scared too.

Thoughts with you, hope things improve soon

FBaby

feelinghopeless wrote: »

I have spoken to her CAMHS worker as she has an appointment next week and think she is also going to discuss some support for me. I am pretty sure that a large part of it is down to her being bone idle as despite trying reward, payment, threats, etc she does very little at home. She will not walk to school, stating that she will have the day off instead (although she hasnt done this yet) that sometimes I just think it is so she can argue with me.

It's difficult to say because we are not there at home with you to experience her behaviour, but then do say that this kind of provocative behaviour is usually to trigger attention rather than laziness. If your argue, she gets attention. Could it be that with everything that is going on, she is feeling it and it makes her anxious. She will pick up on things that her little sister might not. It's a vicious circle because when you have so much attention to give in the first place, your instinct pushes you to give to someone who is going to give you positive attention back rather than someone who will take it for granted or expect even more and it then becomes a vicious circle.

Whatever the situation, the only way to make it better is if you are better yourself, so you definitely need to focus on you you you. Don't rise to her, all this behaviour is not worthy of energy as much as your feelings of dread need look after.

gayleygoo

Just thinking that your teenager could be acting out for various reasons - it is possible that she has been frightened by her Dad's accident, and she may be more aware of how you feel that you really know about, and she could be afraid of losing one of you. But she may have no idea how to express feelings of concern, anxiety, fear etc except but to act in a selfish way, which can be quite normal for teenagers. If she won't talk to you, maybe a support teacher/ counselor at her school could talk to her?