Feeling Fed Up and Hopeless

feelinghopeless

Where to begin. Life has never been easy. But it has got to the stage that I am fed up of holding it together, of being strong, of coping. I dont want to, and cant do it any more.

I just want to know when it will end, when does it get easier. Surely I have been through enough. And just when I think things are getting easier, life thinks differently and throws me a curve ball to make sure I dont get too complacent with my happiness. I just want to go away and not have to do this anymore. My daughter heard me say this today and said mummy, you wont ever leave me will you. And i look at her face and it breaks my heart. I dont want to leave her, but I cant do this anymore. I have been looking through my medication this morning wondering which would be the best to take my own life with. On top of life being hard, I have a chronic illness and am constantly in pain. My eldest daughter is a teenager and is such hard work. My partner was in a car accident in monday, is in hospital at the moment following the crash and her only thought is that I am being horrible to wanting her to walk home the 25 minutes from school, and that I favour her younger sister as i arrange childcare if I cant be there (she is 5 for gods sake!)

I am just angry, tired, worn out and fed up. I want to walk out, close the door and never come back.

whitewing

Have an enormous hug from me, and chin up - it will get better. I found the more stressful life was, the more rigidly my teenager stuck to his routine, even if he knew that he could help out by doing what was asked - it was his 'comfort blanket'.

Your pain is probably worse due to stress and tiredness. Take life minute by minute until things get better and don't worry so much about the things you can't get round to.

Pidge_jen

Please go and see your GP and tell them this. Things will get better but you are obviously in a dark place at the moment. My Dad hit rock bottom about 3 years ago and almost did something stupid but stopped himself in time and got help. It's a big step to take but please don't be afraid to get help. Please don't feel like you have to be alone in dealing with your problems. Thinking of you.

aggypanthus

Hello.
You are in a horrible place in your head, your ruminations over doing something drastic is just that..thoughts, and I feel sure you wont do anything.
Can you get out of the house, away from people, have a scream, then deep calming breathing.
Are you on medications for depression? Write it down, how you feel and show your doc, asap.
How is your partner now?
keep posting here, people will help. Xxxx

purpleshoes_2

Go to your GP, asap if you are having suicidal thoughts.

whitewing

purpleshoes wrote: »

Go to your GP, asap if you are having suicidal thoughts.

Yes, definitely go and see your GP.

feelinghopeless

My brother took his own life three years ago. At the time I was sad, now I just feel envious that he had the strength to do it and I am still here. I have lost so many people close to me that the thought of dying isnt doesnt scare me, its just the worry of screwing up my kids if I did that.

System

You will screw your kids up if you take your life. They will think that you didn't care enough about them to stay behind.


You need to see your GP.

feelinghopeless

He is in hospital at the moment, just waiting for an operation (not relating to the crash but what caused the crash - long story). But I cant be there as I need to be with here for the kids. I am just being pulled in so many directions and I cant stretch any more. I have nothing left for me. I havent eaten for three days. Cant face food. Have legal and financial worries. I remember when my brother took his own life, I said why did he do it, there is nothing in life that cannot be sorted out, but I am so close to that point where he must have been where this is just the easiest thing to do.

purpleshoes_2

feelinghopeless wrote: »

He is in hospital at the moment, just waiting for an operation (not relating to the crash but what caused the crash - long story). But I cant be there as I need to be with here for the kids. I am just being pulled in so many directions and I cant stretch any more. I have nothing left for me. I havent eaten for three days. Cant face food. Have legal and financial worries. I remember when my brother took his own life, I said why did he do it, there is nothing in life that cannot be sorted out, but I am so close to that point where he must have been where this is just the easiest thing to do.

Youve lost someone to suicide. You know how tough it is for those left behind.

Id never judge anyone who was having suicidal thoughts, I lost a relative to suicide as well, my family also lost another before I was born.

You have a 5 year old child who is hearing you say that you want to go away and never come back. You can get support for the financial and legal issues.

Life is tough for lots of people. Ive never been suicidal but Ive been through such tough times that at times I really would not have cared if I had woken up the next day or not. But I got through it.

You need support and the first stop is your GP, then to some organisations that can help with the money problems. And not eating for 3 days won't help either.

Some people get to the point where they cant go on, but if you are recognising that you are seriously depressed and want help, pick up the phone and make an appointment to see your GP, as soon as you can.

dandelionclock30

I'd ring them now or when they open again for the afternoon and say your in crisis and that you need an appointment for today. If they wont give you an appointment then ask for someone from the crisis team to come to see you.
Dont think about killing yourself as things can and will get better. I've been really badly depressed, but it was more anger than wanting to kill myself and when I look back now I realize how terribly low I was. My life isnt that brilliant but things have improved with my mental health so I know its possible for things to improve.
Not eating also does affect your mental state so please have something to eat.