Feeling Fed Up and Hopeless

tea_lover

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us/about-the-call

Samaritans are available 24/7 if you ever need someone to listen.

chella

http://www.samaritans.org/




someone to talk to 24/7 OP xx

Counting_Pennies_2

You are being tested, it sounds like you have just had some absolutely awful news, which is adding to an already stressful life.


Whatever you think right now, you must remember that whatever you believe will be the quickest route out of this life will cause the greatest amount of suffering to those who are left behind. It will never leave them and you will have delivered them an awful legacy, I am sure you know that isn't what you want for them or for you.


It is important you ask for help. Pick up the phone speak to your GP, say how bad things are. Have you got a talking therapies service near you. You can self refer. Google talking therapies.


You are in crisis, you need to call upon people to help. There are so many organisations out there to help in a crisis. If everywhere is closed or has a waiting list, call the Samaritans. If you are still going into the hospital, speak to the nurse and say how awful things are and ask for help.


It sounds to me that your eldest is at sea with her emotions too and is lashing out as everything in her world has turned upside down. Much as you could do without it all, reach out and give her a cuddle. Say at no point are you favouring, they each have different practical needs due to age, but that you love them equally and you need her to understand and work with you during this time.


Can you ask if you can get support for you all? Often in times of crisis the family are just expected to cope and get on with it, so you need to reach out when it gets too much. You might be seeming to cope ok to the outside world. Reach out for help.

marisco_2

As well as contacting your gp I would recommend speaking to the children's school. The more they are aware of the worries and pressures that you face, the better they can try to support the girls. They are also well placed to put you into contact with a parent support adviser, who can be an invaluable source of help and guidance.

TBeckett100

Suicide isn't the answer.

You need to compartmentalise your life for a moment. You need to stand back and be objective. Don't view all your burdens as one, break them down and understand these are separate issues. We all deal with similar issues though life is sometimes more fortunate and spreads these things out rather than gives them all at once.

You also need to realise this is a state of mind. Tomorrow you may feel different. Don't act upon today when things may be easier tomorrow.

1) you have health issues. This cannot be overcome but you have dealt with it this long
2) your teenage daughter is being difficult. Give her a few years and she'll probably become your rock. The relationship dynamics change when kids grow up
3)your OH is in hospital. The baton has been passed to you temporality to run things alone. He won't be like this forever.

You need a positive focus. You need something to look forward to. When OH is better, arrange a holiday or something, just the two of you.

Speak to the Gp. Our minds sometimes need a helping hand. What we perceive to be the end is sometimes a rut that we get stuck in

Suicide may seem like a way to escape what life has given you but you won't want to be remembered as the mother/wife that couldn't reach out. Find someone to talk to. Failing that and I suspect this is why you have posted, have a read through some of the posts in this forum to gauge that your feelings and situation are shared by many

Forums are full of strange people but also very kind people who will help you. Just don't be the person who didn't ask for help.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

feelinghopeless wrote: »

Where to begin. Life has never been easy. But it has got to the stage that I am fed up of holding it together, of being strong, of coping. I dont want to, and cant do it any more.

I just want to know when it will end, when does it get easier. Surely I have been through enough. And just when I think things are getting easier, life thinks differently and throws me a curve ball to make sure I dont get too complacent with my happiness. I just want to go away and not have to do this anymore. My daughter heard me say this today and said mummy, you wont ever leave me will you. And i look at her face and it breaks my heart. I dont want to leave her, but I cant do this anymore. I have been looking through my medication this morning wondering which would be the best to take my own life with. On top of life being hard, I have a chronic illness and am constantly in pain. My eldest daughter is a teenager and is such hard work. My partner was in a car accident in monday, is in hospital at the moment following the crash and her only thought is that I am being horrible to wanting her to walk home the 25 minutes from school, and that I favour her younger sister as i arrange childcare if I cant be there (she is 5 for gods sake!)

I am just angry, tired, worn out and fed up. I want to walk out, close the door and never come back.

So you're unhappy. Desperately so. But that would mean abandoning a little girl who has done nothing to deserve it, just when she's already having to deal with her dad being away and a big sister who isn't exactly making her feel secure, either. Do you think you could really do that? Do you think that it would make her stronger as an adult to carry that history with her - or would it be more likely that she'd be permanently damaged by it?

Suicidal thoughts need treating. Get help, and then you can reassure her that she isn't going to be left on her own.

FBaby

My heart goes to you. You sound utterly exhausted physically and mentally, in pain and scared of the future. It sounds like you feel that you don't have the energy to direct your life or to support those around you.

Right now, you need to come first in your thoughts. The rest, get on with what you have to do, but don't give it much thought. Your eldest will be fine. Yes, she a selfish pain, but remember that teenagers can be horrendous one minute and then suddenly, they turn the page and become the lovely children they once were. She will be the person you loved so dearly again.

Financial, legal issues, those do get resolved. Your partner will get better. What you need to do is find the energy to be able to deal with one thing at the time rather then trying to tackle all at the time. Do go to your GP asap and share all that weight with them, that's what they are here for when you feel you are crumbling, but whatever you do, don't give up, because you do have a lovely family who will always be there to bring you happiness, whereas the things that are overwhelming you can be dealt with and disappear. You just need professionals to share all the burdens with.

cr1mson

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

So you're unhappy. Desperately so. But that would mean abandoning a little girl who has done nothing to deserve it, just when she's already having to deal with her dad being away and a big sister who isn't exactly making her feel secure, either. Do you think you could really do that? Do you think that it would make her stronger as an adult to carry that history with her - or would it be more likely that she'd be permanently damaged by it?

I don't think is helpful. I am sure the OP is only too aware of the effects of suicide on those left behind having lost a brother to suicide. Unfortunately knowing the effects is no protection of having suicidal thoughts. In fact being told of the damage they may do if they act on those feelings can be extremely counterproductive.

I do however agree that she should seek help whether it be the Samaritans or GP. Also see if there is any practical help you can access because of your situation as sometimes having some of the burden taken from you can help or at least give you some breathing space.

Hugs

C

PS Feel free to PM me if you would like and/or post here

gayleygoo

I am sorry to hear this OP, please phone the samaritans any time you need to talk, or post on here to get things out. If you are struggling with depression, these feelings are not your fault and you will need support from others to get through them. see your GP, let them know that you have had thoughts of suicide as you need to be seen quickly. If your daughter is 5 then you may still be able to get support from your health visitor.

This is a time of year where many people struggle with life - the cold, wet, dark weather does not help when you feel there is a darkness in your head. There are positive things in your life now and for the future ahead, it's just that that darkness is making it difficult for you to see them. That will change with time and support.

Are there any support groups available for people with your chronic condition? Chances are that many others have felt fed up with it too and maybe be able to help you through this tough time. If you have any friends or other family you are close to, try to let someone know. Even just ask for a hug, it can make a difference.

Try to eat too. You may not feel hungry, but that lack of food could worsen how you feel. sit down with your daughter at meal times and eat when she eats, drink enough water/juice/tea too. Keep up with a routine of washing, getting dressed, brushing teeth etc, as ignoring those can be detrimental to your state of mind.

I hope I haven't rambled on too much, really my main point is Don't Give Up on your place in this world, you are valued and needed and loved xx

dandelionclock30

How are things today with you OP?