Need some wedding advice

FBaby

To my mind that is sharing your love in public with family and friends and having a service where we exchange rings, say vows etc.

But that's very much what it is like with a civil ceremony. The room I got married in was large and spacious, and guests were seated (in beautiful mohagany chairs) as like in a church so I was able to 'walk down the aisle'. The registars (they were two of them) made lovely speeches, before, between and after. The after one was especially touching as it was about how it is easy to start taking each other for granted with the pressure of like but that marriage was about being there for each other and giving support to the person you commit yourself to forever. It wasn't said in a patronising way at all, just in a way that made you think about what getting married is really about.

We had music of her choice (but not religious) as I walked down and then when we came out. It felt to me exactly like a church wedding, just without the religious connotations.

RuthnJasper

hypochondriac wrote: »

The problem is that the format of a civil wedding is quite restrictive with a tight timescale and I'm not sure if it offers the flexibility that we would like. For example we may want more than two readings and as a saints fan I would like to leave the ceremony to "oh when the saints" (but will not be allowed.) I know someone who I would love to lead the ceremony and do a speech but I'm not sure if this will be allowed either.

P.S. Good game last night, shame about result.:( I doubt whether 'Oh when the Saints' would be considered religious.;)

Hehe - I'm a Saints fan too! My brother and I used to have to go to church with our parents as kids and we always used to snigger together (during the latter Chris Nicoll/Ian Branfoot/etc. era) when the hymn "The Church's One Foundation" came up. It contains the lines:

"While saints, their watch are keeping, the cry goes up 'How long?';
And soon the night of weeping shall be the morn of song..."

On your thread topic, OP, all I can really echo is the advice already given which says that it is YOUR day - for you and your fiance. You can have what you choose, not what various parents/grannies/friends/former neighbour's labrador want.

You can also have a blessing in church after a civil wedding (if you want one). Hope you have a lovely day, whatever you decide. x

ellay864

We had a civil ceremony that was really personal. We had 2 readings, one I chose for my son to give, one written by a friend specially for us. Our songs while signing the register included a song written and recorded by DH. We were told that the restriction on songs varied by registrar - ours has previously even allowed Ave Maria! I would suggest contacting the registrar first to find just how restrictive they are - some will ban on certain words, others are more relaxed especially if you say why you want the song. Don't rule anything out until you've checked what the rules are with your registrar in your district

jackyann

I am sure that you can sort something out, talk to the Registrars about their exact requirements, and to the venue.

The Humanist Association do like to leave out anything religious. but there are "celebrants" who will do as you wish, and you could just get a friend to MC it all.

I have been at weddings and funerals where religions mixed and there were bits from both sides. I was even once at a wedding that mixed 3 religions as the best man added a blessing from his religion.

Another option - chosen by a few members of my family - is: short civil ceremony at the Registry Office, with only closest family in attendance.
Ceremony, with speeches, readings, songs, as you like for everyone.

Can I just say that we had "the saints" for my dad's funeral!

Good luck - how lovely for your families that you are putting in so much thought to reaching out to everyone.

millysg1

hypochondriac wrote: »

but in that scenario I think it still feels like we are paying the 460 quid for a ceremony that won't really contain the things we want.

What? Like paying £460 to be legally married to the person you love isn't what you want? That's the most important thing at the end of the day. Its your declaration of vows and love for each other, not the song that they play as you walk out.

I think you are over thinking/complicating it. You can have everything you want, just do it after the legal ceremony bit.

seven-day-weekend

'Oh when the Saints go marching in' is a song about people going to heaven, so I think it might be classed as religious

TBagpuss

You could have the formal ceremony with the register either before, or after, your own ceremony.
Friends of mine got married at a register office then had their own ceremony separately, at their reception venue. The ceremony they wrote for themselves included a religious reading and also incorporated the wife's children, which was very important to both of them.

I am not sure whether there are rules about having to have a gap between you private ceremony and the legal one. Would one option be to have the legal wedding with a very small number of people - perhaps just both lots of parents as witnesses, and then have the more public bit afterwards - or do the same but the other way around - main, public ceremony, then all the guests are given canapes and you and your fiancee have the legal ceremony before re-joining your guests. It is not uncommon to have a brief gap in a wedding (often for photos) and if all you are having is the legal bit then the ceremony only takes -10 minutes (even with readings, a register office wedding only takes about 20 minutes!)

If you want all the guests to witness both parts, you could have your ceremony, then some photos, then the legal bit.

Mojisola

The 'legal bit' can be very basic, eg.
http://www.plymouth.gov.uk/basicmarriage
The Superintendent Registrar will say the preliminary announcements.

You will be required to say one form of declaration and one form of marriage contract out loud in the presence of two witnesses plus the Superintendent Registrar and the Registrar.

You have the option to exchange one or two rings and the option to make a promise to one another.

The Superintendent Registrar will announce that you are husband and wife and ask you to sign the marriage register.

VfM4meplse

hypochondriac wrote: »

Now it seems that I have two options

This seems a bit weird to me. Where is your fiancee in all this? Isn't wedding-planning a female-dominated pastime? You have 18 months to find some compromises.

maman

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

'Oh when the Saints go marching in' is a song about people going to heaven, so I think it might be classed as religious

The 'version' OP wants is about his football team marching up the premier league. I suppose it depends whether you count football as a religion.