Need some wedding advice

hypochondriac

OK so the whole concept of a civil wedding had me slightly confused but I thought I had it sussed. My fiancee's family comes from a Muslim background and mine come from a Christian background. We were therefore looking to have a civil wedding service with no religion allowed. I personally considered that a little bit of a shame but I think we will have a blessing from both religions either before or after the service.

The problem is that the format of a civil wedding is quite restrictive with a tight timescale and I'm not sure if it offers the flexibility that we would like. For example we may want more than two readings and as a saints fan I would like to leave the ceremony to "oh when the saints" (but will not be allowed.) I know someone who I would love to lead the ceremony and do a speech but I'm not sure if this will be allowed either.

I thought I found the answer by getting legally married a day or two before, only telling a few people and having a ceremony on the actual date. This had the added advantage of saving us over £400 but sadly her mother isn't having it and said that in her eyes it will ruin the day so that option is out.

Now it seems that I have two options, have the ceremony with the registrars but with the restrictions, time restraints and not exactly as we want or have the legal but before and the ceremony exactly as we want it but potentially upset family (probably not the best option.) my question is is there another way that we haven't thought of? Can the registrar just come for a few minutes to do their legal bit and then let us continue with the rest of the ceremony or do they legally have to be there for the entire thing? Can I still get the friend I know involved to lead the service? Is there any way that we could have a short legal but from the registrar and then another ceremony after or would that be too awkward? Any help at all would be appreciated. I will be meeting the registrar and asking these questions at some point but as we aren't getting married until July 2016 it may be a fair way in the future.

Thanks in advance for any help you can give me!

BritAbroad

Where do you live? In Scotland you can have a civil ceremony in lots of places - hotels, outdoors, stately homes etc. I don't know if it's the same in England/Wales. I presume you book the registrar for a time/place, though the venue would be able to advise. Would that give you the flexibility you need?

FBaby

I think you need to be clear whether you want a civil wedding because you want to leave religion out of whether you do want a religious wedding. You say you agreed on a civil one but really it's not what you want.

You can't have religious songs, readings etc... at a civil wedding, that defeats the whole point! What you need to do is meet with the registar to ask what you can do/can't do within the timeframe. I was very impressed with the attention we received during that time and I did find that bare any religious reference, they were extremely flexible in how we wanted the ceremony to be run.

wolfehouse

My dd had a humanist wedding. It was lovely without the time restrictions and you can make your own ceremony and readings but no religion allowed. Just another route you might consider.

Delree

Who cares what her mother thinks. It's your day not hers. It boils my blood when family members stick their beaks into other people's affairs and tries to tell them how to go about things.

Seanymph

You are going to be just as married however you do it.

Decide what you, and your love would like. Sort it out - and then tell everyone else what you are up to.

ecgirl07

Have a humanist wedding in Scotland

BabyBoots

Are you planning on having a meal after the service?

If so, why not have the religious readings and songs you're not allowed in the ceremony then? Once everyone is seated, you could enter with "oh when the saints" as background music. You could read something short from either or both religions before eating.

The service itself would then be religion-neutral, but you're nodding to both faiths during the day.

hypochondriac

BritAbroad wrote: »

Where do you live? In Scotland you can have a civil ceremony in lots of places - hotels, outdoors, stately homes etc. I don't know if it's the same in England/Wales. I presume you book the registrar for a time/place, though the venue would be able to advise. Would that give you the flexibility you need?

We are having it at Parley Manor in Bournemouth which is an approved venue for a registrar.

hypochondriac

FBaby wrote: »

I think you need to be clear whether you want a civil wedding because you want to leave religion out of whether you do want a religious wedding. You say you agreed on a civil one but really it's not what you want.

You can't have religious songs, readings etc... at a civil wedding, that defeats the whole point! What you need to do is meet with the registar to ask what you can do/can't do within the timeframe. I was very impressed with the attention we received during that time and I did find that bare any religious reference, they were extremely flexible in how we wanted the ceremony to be run.

We will have guests who are Muslim and who are Christian and as such it would be inappropriate to have religion at the wedding since I don't really want to favour one over the other. What we thought we would do is have a blessing after the ceremony instead.

hypochondriac

Delree wrote: »

Who cares what her mother thinks. It's your day not hers. It boils my blood when family members stick their beaks into other people's affairs and tries to tell them how to go about things.

I thought someone would put something like this but the truth is that I do care what she thinks and so does my fiance!. I think if I made a fuss she would go along with it if her daughter is happy but I would rather find a compromise if I can so that everyone is happy and we get the ceremony we want.