divorce advice please

sunshine_shell

i am about to start divorce proceedings against my husband and i need a bit of advice/wisdom about our house and mortgage. He put up 40k and i had 10k for the deposit and we bought as tenants in common (i think that's right??) as we weren't married at the time of the purchase.

he is saying that he want 'his' money out first then split the rest. which i understand as it was his Grandmas money, HOWEVER this would mean i would get very little and would reduce the chances of me being able purchasing a house for his daughter to live in.

It's also made me very angry that the first thing to come out of his mouth was about money and not the welfare of his daughter. I'm finding it harder and harder to live under the same roof as him, he has made it clear that he's not moving out because 'he has every right to be there'. My wonderful parents have offered my DD and I a safe , relaxing place to stay while things gets sorted but i'm worried about what he'll do to the house and mine and DD's possessions while we aren't there.

Am i right in thinking as long as i pay my half of the mortgage while i'm not living there i don't have to pay any other bills?

I have so many things swimming round my head! Thank you for reading my ramble

Michelle

Divorced_Daddy_001

sunshine_shell wrote: »

. . . he is saying that he want 'his' money out first then split the rest. which i understand as it was his Grandmas money, HOWEVER this would mean i would get very little and would reduce the chances of me being able purchasing a house for his daughter to live in.

Am i right in thinking as long as i pay my half of the mortgage while i'm not living there i don't have to pay any other bills?

Hi, have you been to see a solicitor yet? I think s/he might tell you that your husband is in for a big wake-up call about how the money from the value / sale of your house is going to split!

For your second question, that's the agreement that I came to with my ex-wife whilst she and our DD continue to live in our former marital home (which is still jointly owned / mortgaged at present). I also pay half towards any house maintenance that is required (e.g. annual boiler service) but I don't pay towards any running costs for her living in the house (e.g. all the utility bills and Council Tax) because I'm also paying child support money direct to her each month. That's something that we just agreed voluntarily between us though.

BrassicWoman

You need to see a solicitor. You could just stop paying for now, it'll affcet the settlement, and may affect your credit rating if he doesn't pay either, but it's a joint debt = both liable for all of it.

Use that money to pay for a storage unit; storage is cheap.

bouicca21

The courts priority will be housing dependent child/ren. How old is DD? How long were you married plus cohabitation? What are your respective incomes, assets on pension finds, liabilities etc?

I think he needs a wake up call. It is extremely unlikely he will get the sort of financial settlement he wants and I wouldn't be surprised if he knows it and is just trying to intimidate you. Standard advice is not to move out.

Get your hands on every bit of information you can about your respective financial situations. See if there is a local family law solicitor who offers half an hour of free advice. You need to know your rights ASAP.

You might find it useful to join the wikivorce forum. Sadly in these situations there is often AN Other waiting in the wings. A book called Runaway Husbands will give you an insight into what is going on in his head.

((()))

sunshine_shell

i'm lucky enough to earn a decent wage as a teacher, my beautiful little girl is 20 months old, i just can't bare the thought of her thinking that how her daddy behaves is normal! I am very very frightened of losing everything i've spent the last 10 years building up.

I'm quite happy to pay my share, but staying in here with him is getting harder and harder.

meer53

sunshine_shell wrote: »

i'm lucky enough to earn a decent wage as a teacher, my beautiful little girl is 20 months old, i just can't bare the thought of her thinking that how her daddy behaves is normal! I am very very frightened of losing everything i've spent the last 10 years building up.

I'm quite happy to pay my share, but staying in here with him is getting harder and harder.

My advice would be to stay put until you have seen a solicitor and got some legal advice. There is no way i would move out if it were me. I've been in your situation, unless he's being violent, the best thing to do is stick it out. Your daughter is too young to understand whats going on anyway, i wouldn't worry about her.

You'll probably find the solicitor will tell you that if anyone needs to move out it is him. DO NOT let him push you out with his stories about what he wants, he's not going to get what he wants anyway, but i'd keep that to yourself for now !

millysg1

bouicca21 wrote: »

How long were you married plus cohabitation? What are your respective incomes, assets on pension finds, liabilities etc?


((()))

OP, could you answer the above please?

sunshine_shell

we've been married just over 3 years, been together 8 years lived together 7 years. He is self employed i have no clue what he earns, i work pt as a teacher earning 27k i have a teachers pension, he has a private pension. what do liabilities include/mean?

meer53

sunshine_shell wrote: »

we've been married just over 3 years, been together 8 years lived together 7 years. He is self employed i have no clue what he earns, i work pt as a teacher earning 27k i have a teachers pension, he has a private pension. what do liabilities include/mean?

From what you've said, you absolutely 100% need legal advice. To not know what he earns worries me. Why don't you know ?

sunshine_shell

because its all net, gross tax stuff that i don't understand. His business always makes different money every year, he just puts his money into the account every week. there's never been a problem

meer53

sunshine_shell wrote: »

because its all net, gross tax stuff that i don't understand. His business always makes different money every year, he just puts his money into the account every week. there's never been a problem

How much he earns might not be a problem, the fact that you don't know might be.

If you go to see a solicitor, they will ask this question. The financial side of any divorce is THE most important one, especially where property and children are concerned.

All you need to know is roughly what his NET profit is, do you have access to any of his paperwork/accounts etc ? If you can get the last few years figures that would help.

You're in a very vulnerable position going into a divorce without this knowledge.