Retirement Village living

lessonlearned

Bella

You are highly unlikely to be at risk from a reputable tradesman, gardener or workman. If you are nervous about letting strangers into your home just make sure you do necessary due diligence.

Your local council should have a list of approved tradespeople.

In my neck of the woods there is a scheme called "Helping Hands" which is designated to provide good quality vetted and approved tradespeople, handy persons etc for retirees. Not sure if this is a nationwide scheme.

Alternatively if you are so nervous about having a man in your house then there are plenty of female gardeners, plumbers, decorators etc.

It's no longer a mans world.

Sisters are doing it for themselves.

I think you are worrying rather too much, understandable of course, but I think you are trying to cross bridges before you come to them.

My dad was diagnosed with angina at the age of 52 and did actually have a couple of heart attacks - his own stupid fault bcause he wouldn't quit smoking. After the heart attacks he finally saw the light, gave up the fags, retired and never looked back.

After a couple of years of retirement, when he had practically rebuilt my parents home and landscaped the gardens he got bored and went back to work. He worked until he was well into his 70,s, continuing to work on his allotment, do all his own decorating and diy, and take an active part in tthe lives of his 3 grandchildren.

I cannot stress enough that angina is not a death sentence and your husband will not be an invalid. With good care and management he will be able to lead a Full and active life, including gardening and cleaning windows. He doesn't need to be wrapped in cotton wool.

Of course you want to downsize to an easier property - it makes perfect sense for all of us to make sure that our homes are future proofs and easy to manage. Just try not to panic. A rushed decision is often the wrong decision, better to take your time and get it right.

lessonlearned

Franklally, I have to concur with Brassicwoman - that was rather an insensitive post.

I am that child too.

My mother suffered a series of strokes, dad did his best but at the age of 86 he struggled with her care. Although they only lived about 7 miles away from me I could only visit every couple of weeks or so.

Why because I was too busy looking after my terminally Ill and disabled husband. Didn't stop me feeling guilty though because I wasnt much help to them.

Please don't make such thoughtless judgemental posts.

We all have lives to lead And sometimes we have to prioritorise how we spread ourselves.

Yes in an ideal world children would look after their ageing parents - however life is just not that simple.

I belong to what is known as the sandwich generation. I have children who need me and ageing parents who also need me. I also had a Very sick husband. I say had because he sadly died just 3 months ago so now I have to try and help my parents whilst grieving for my late husband.

Your remarks have probably upset a number of readers.

wondercollie

I'm another "absentee daughter" for very good reasons.


I live 1200km from my mother due to my husband's job. My brother lives with her. Yet whenever she is in trouble she calls me.


Many years ago, she told me that she wished I'd never been born as I'd caused nothing but trouble to her. What was my sin? I was the first divorced person in the family. She basically told me if I didn't divorce my husband (there were some valid reasons) she'd disown me and never let me step foot in the house again. Due to youth I followed instructions and have lived with the "what if I'd been stronger" ever since.


Don't get me wrong, I've remarried and have two wonderful, grown sons. I'm reasonably good and thought highly of by many at a job she'd told me I'd be lousy at.


She burnt the letter my father left for me to read after his death.


She is a bully of the first degree, a master manipulator. She comes across as a lovely, sweet, white haired lady but do not, I repeat do not ever do something she doesn't approve of first.


I recently had the successful bid on an item at a charity auction. It's a dream trip. I've always said if I ever got it, my best friend of 43 years is ago with me (my lovely friend has decided to fund an extra two days in the hotel so we can stretch the trip out). My mother's comment? "Not taking me? After all I've done for you?"


Some parents are toxic and the only way for us to survive is to relocate or cut them out of our lives. I haven't even been to my mother's new house and she's been in it five years.


So, yes, I'm the absentee daughter. Useless until needed.

lessonlearned

Wondercollie - how sad for you.

Not all parents are wondeful, kind, loving and supportive of their children. Some are just horrible human beings who deserve their just deserts.

As the saying goes "you reap as you sow".

Yes some parents can indeed be toxic and in such cases the child is perfectly justified in "divorcing" them.

daz378

i agree with using a community based handyman service ...like Helping Hands for the the elderly or disabled...... i go to see my stepdad everyday if im not working ... hes 81 ... yet his own kids hardly visits ... although his other daughter lives 50 mile away, so understandable

bellaquidsin

We will certainly investigate 'Helping Hands' when it becomes relevant in the spring.


Am I over-reacting over DH's health scare? Probably and here's the reason. Earlier this year my cousin went to the Doctor's with chest pains. He was told it could either be indigestion or angina and was given a spray. Two week's later he had a heart attack. He was fitted with 7 stents and is now feeling much better but not back to normal yet. We still have lots to learn about angina and thank every one for their comments.


Bella.

lessonlearned

Bella

Of course you are concerned however you have acted quickly and your husband is being checked out. Your GP his watchful eye on your husband.

All the best to you both.

bellaquidsin

Thanks lessonlearned. I think we are both getting used to the idea and trying to be patient until further tests are done.


To get back to the original theme of this thread. Now that the Extra Care Retirement Village is no longer a proposition we were going to look at a couple of retirement apartments this week. One we had made an appointment to see but upon reflection it is far too small for our needs, so we cancelled. The other one we hadn't booked but I think we just ran out of steam so have done nothing about it at the moment. That just leaves the very small retirement bungalow to see on Friday. This one I am interested in as it's a nice development and is very close to DD. But...., there are lots of ?????? about the size though. It may work if there is electricity in the freestanding garage so that I could keep a freezer and tumble drier in there. Mind you DS assures me I won't want to be walking out in the snow to get a cup of peas. He's probably right but we'll look any way.


DH has gone to an organ recital today and I've been to the dentist. After all the hype of last week, I feel strangely flat with a 'nowhere to go' feeling.


Tomorrow we are visiting a friend who lives in an Extra Care Retirement Village so I wonder what we'll be talking about?


Bella.

6of1halfadozonoftheother

How did all go Bella? 

Pollycat

6of1halfadozonoftheother said:

How did all go Bella? 

NECROPOST

The thread was started on 18th November 2014 and the OP last logged on in October 2016 so is unlikely to answer your question.

If you're thinking about retirement village living for yourself, you might be better starting your own thread as some posters just read the first post in a thread and may end up giving bellaquidsin advice.