I am so angry and upset, but it's my fault.

Carmen

I will try and keep this short.
My dear sis is seriously ill in hospital,and as I live at the other end of the country I have come to stay at her house to be near the hospital and kinda help her husband around the house.
I am using his computer because I cannot get my ipad connected for some reason! I always clear my history after using someone else's computer as I was doing this today I noticed a dating site on today's date.
I know it was wrong of me but I opened it and saw that my BiL has a profile on a dating site, I was so shocked I quickly cleared my history and closed the computer.

You would only have mine opinion of him, but he has not been a very good husband, based on everything my sister has told me over the years (my sis is his third wife and has tolerated him the longest) He knows that the family only tolerate him (she told him) because of her
I know I cannot tell my sister what I found, and I don't know how to commit the perfect crime. I just thought writing it down would calm me enough to act normally at the hospital this afternoon.

Thank you for reading

tomtontom

Your priority at this time is your sister's health. Until she is far better this is something you cannot act upon.

krlyr

As said, now isn't the time for a bombshell like that for your sister. But I'd email yourself some print-screens of the profile for now - just to keep the evidence on a backburner, in case he deletes it in the mean time.

jaylee3

krlyr wrote: »

As said, now isn't the time for a bombshell like that for your sister. But I'd email yourself some print-screens of the profile for now - just to keep the evidence on a backburner, in case he deletes it in the mean time.

This ^^^ I would make sure I kept any 'evidence,' but don't do anything while your sister is ill.

Why is anything your fault BTW?

Pollycat

I agree 100% with tomtontom, your priority is your sister right now.

And it's NOT actually your fault.
If there was nothing to find, you wouldn't have been able to catch him out.
And from what you say, you didn't set out with the intention of snooping.

bloolagoon

I hope helping vent on here helped you and that it's helped dispel some anger. I also wish your sister a speedy and long term recovery.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

Like others have said, you priority is not what he is getting upto at the moment but focusing on your sister and being there, try not to look like your hiding a secret when you visit also as this may trigger difficult questions by her that will put in a position to either bend truths or outright lie and this will not bode well to your conscience later on down the line it going to be a balancing act and tough one at that but you have to burry this deep and wait it out till the time is right.
We do not know what seriously ill means in this case, and I'm not going to force an answer none of my bee's wax to know, but if there is good chance of recovery or long term prognosis for you sister, then youll have to make the decision to let this secret out the closet at some point so.... I would personally retain copies of such evidence to prove this for this situation.


hope this helps.

heuchera

Carmen wrote: »

I will try and keep this short.
My dear sis is seriously ill in hospital,and as I live at the other end of the country I have come to stay at her house to be near the hospital and kinda help her husband around the house.
I am using his computer because I cannot get my ipad connected for some reason! I always clear my history after using someone else's computer as I was doing this today I noticed a dating site on today's date.
I know it was wrong of me but I opened it and saw that my BiL has a profile on a dating site, I was so shocked I quickly cleared my history and closed the computer.

You would only have mine opinion of him, but he has not been a very good husband, based on everything my sister has told me over the years (my sis is his third wife and has tolerated him the longest) He knows that the family only tolerate him (she told him) because of her
I know I cannot tell my sister what I found, and I don't know how to commit the perfect crime. I just thought writing it down would calm me enough to act normally at the hospital this afternoon.

Thank you for reading

I'd keep any evidence and have it out with him. If I was ill in hospital and I found out that my family knew my husband was cheating on me but they kept it from me I'd feel very betrayed, by them as much as him.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

heuchera wrote: »

I'd keep any evidence and have it out with him. If I was ill in hospital and I found out that my family knew my husband was cheating on me but they kept it from me I'd feel very betrayed, by them as much as him.

she has no proof he is physically cheating on her, she only has a dating profile which in itself is not cheating but suspicious disrespectful behavior, OP would need to keep an eye on him without arousing suspicion but yet be balanced and level headed enough not to stress her sister out and make her start asking questions that OP doesn't have much answers for yet and can open herself up to being accused of prying and speculating with false allegations OP need to have solid evidence.

lets not forget the OP lives in another part of the UK, if she had it out with BIL about this then he could throw to the kerb with nowhere to stay and he could get a head start and filling her sister head full of lies and get the opportunity to cover tracks.

maman

Sending you a great big hug Carmen. What a dreadful thing to happen. So sorry to hear that your sister's so poorly.


Don't blame yourself. It's not as if you were deliberately snooping.

I don't think there's anything to be achieved by having it out with him or telling your sister or anything else at the moment. So your low opinion of him just got lower but try to put it to the back of your mind and keep supporting your sister.

Someone mentioned taking a copy. I could see that might be useful to have in case there's any messy divorce in the future but otherwise I'd let sleeping dogs lie.

belfastgirl23

I would now decide that I have seen nothing.

If your sister is seriously ill your BIL might be trying to figure out how/if he could live a life without her. Who is to judge him on this, it's an awful thing to face. Honestly that's how I would approach it. Because IF you know anything else for sure, it puts you in a terrible position where you are going to struggle to support either your BIL, your nephews/nieces and most importantly your sister.

You can decide that you have not seen anything conclusive and make a point of not looking for anything more. TBH I think that's the best thing to do, for your family and for yourself.

Under no circumstances download 'evidence' of anything - in my view you are putting yourself in a terrible position with this. Do not have it out with him either - similarly you put yourself in a position where you can potentially no longer help your sister if you do this.

You don't know anything for sure. I'd say keep it that way.